September 10, 2015

Q&A – Love Her, Love Her Not. Sexually Incompatible

Question & Answer 3 Comments

sexual incompatibilityHi Venice and Ryan,

I’d like to ask your advice. I’m currently living with this girl I met in college. We’ve been together a while and we get along really well. Because of work, I will need to move away in a few months. Our locations leave me two options: marry her or break up.

Now I would probably marry her, except the sex is not great. It’s good, but she doesn’t like anal. She couldn’t continue during the few times we tried. She also can’t deepthroat and isn’t great at blowjobs. And I haven’t even mentioned ass to mouth. Those things are really important to me and I can’t stand the thought of never engaging in them again.

Would I be making a bad choice to pass up a good relationship like I currently have? If I did, and I never met anyone else, I’d kick myself for giving up what I had. But if I marry her, I’d probably hate myself for signing up for a lifetime of being sexually incompatible.

Any advice? Thanks, and good luck on your awesome sexual adventures.

Venice’s response:
If your love for her can see past her sexual shortcomings, then hold on to her.  Kinky sex is not a driving force in a relationship.

Okay, now that I got that out of the way…

Kinky sex may not be a driving force in a relationship, specifically one where the people in the relationship don’t want to hurt the other’s feelings or want to communicate to each other for fear of being left, cheated on, etc., but many times it will take a back seat in a marriage. If it gets to that point, you’ll kick yourself because you know that you chose to be with someone who wasn’t perfect (for you). It’s important to work out these differences BEFORE you marry someone. In your case, it’s like waiting to get married to consummate the relationship. Yes, you can always say, “I love her for the person she is, not so I can have kinky sex anytime I want,” (which is a silly excuse, in my opinion), but if you think about it, we ALL marry someone for the person they are. I married Ryan because he has proven his loyalty to me, he loves the things about me that I consider flaws, and he’s got a fat penis. Those were all important things to me while we were just dating and they’re still important to me. I didn’t marry him after he cheated on me or after he’d said, “I love you, but could you please lose 10 pounds?” or because he has more than a micropenis.

Continue Reading Q&A – Love Her, Love Her Not. Sexually Incompatible

September 7, 2015

Body Issues and That Weight Loss Blog!

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Weight-Loss-PlateauI originally titled this blog “Congratulations Venice!” I changed it because I ended up about 7 or 8 paragraphs deep and decided to give it an actual title.  My original purpose was to give a quick summary on her weight loss and tell her congratulations for losing over 40 pounds in 8 months!  If you see her on twitter @Venicebloggs, maybe give her a quick tweet congratulating her.  She’s earned it.

About 8 months ago Venice decided that she wanted to be back at her marriage weight, which is around 135.  She chose a target date, our anniversary, and it began.  Since she would probably never talk about herself or her weight loss journey, I figured why not do it for her.

The journey started extremely slow.  At first there were arguments over whether a cup of coffee with creamer was something she should cut from her diet (she eventually switched to a non fat creamer, but not without a fight).  She cut out pepsi, started drinking just water, and cut her meal size down to one serving. Although the idea of “one serving” may be weird, it’s those half servings or desserts that really start adding on the calories you can’t cut by the end of the day.  It’s also a lifestyle change. Once your plate is done, the meal is over.

However, very little weight was lost. The lifestyle changes were subtle and still not enough to make an impact on the scale. Without hard work and exercise this was just going to be another failed diet.   This is the biggest step of all I think.  Saying to yourself that a pill, an electronic shocking belt, a gimmick, a juice diet, or some weird idea to lose weight just isn’t going to work.  The key is to tell yourself, “I have to change my life and actually exercise.”

This was hardest step because Venice once had a successful “run” with some not-so-legal pills shipped in from Mexico when she was 19 years old.  She claims the most she ever lost was because of these pills (she lost about 10 pounds — which is laughable now).  So since she was 19, she used her Mexican Fat Burner pills as a crutch and has always been very big on the idea of “can I try this pill though?”

NO PILL FOR YOU!  *Diet Pill Nazi*

2015-07-22Venice never needed a damn pill. What’s funny is, at 19 she had the skinniest arms and shoulders I had ever seen on a girl.  I could see the anatomy of her clavicle and shoulder bone.  By far the slimmest girl I ever dated. Those pills may have helped her lose 10 pounds quickly, although probably all water weight, but she didn’t need it.  She’s a tough girl. Anything she puts her mind to, she can do. Venice was in the military, so this wasn’t the first time she made this lifestyle decision.  She was in great shape while in the military.  I saw her go from not being able do a push-up, to doing 20.    From not being able to run a mile, to running 3 (and lost 20 pounds on accident, no pills needed).   This was a long way long way from her teenage days of having the skinniest arms I had ever seen and still being extremely unathletic. In my opinion (she’d disagree), she was naturally slim but had horrible eating habits (her mother gave her money for Carl’s Jr. each night instead of making home made meals) and probably hadn’t exercised a day in her life.  Her arms were sticks, her waist horded all her fattening food, and she felt “fat” just because she didn’t look like a swimsuit model.  She used to say to me, “Just because I am 129 doesn’t mean I am not fat.”  I was just a young guy.  Guys already don’t get it.  But at that age, I really didn’t get it. I cared very little about any of her body issues.  All I cared about was her vagina (which unfortunately I didn’t have one of my own, or before her, one to play with).  I just really really wanted it. Seriously.   Eat Carl’s Jr. all you want, just please eat that greasy ass burger while you squat over my face so I can study your pussy up close.  Thanks.

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September 3, 2015

Q&A: I Am A Shy Guy, Virgin, And Can’t Talk To Women. Help!

Question & Answer , , , , 3 Comments

shy guyI’m a 29 year old single male and have been for a long time. I’ve been making all sorts of efforts towards getting a girlfriend, from talking to everyone to improve social skills, reading about conversation, etc. but nothing has helped with my anxiety, thus I’m still a virgin. It is also almost impossible for me to talk about sex with other women because the topic just doesn’t come up.  If it did, I am sure I would have an anxiety attack.  Is there something wrong with me?   I’ve heard not masturbating can help increase my testosterone levels or otherwise increase my confidence. Is that true? How effective is it?  If you or your readers have any advice, please let me know.  I am desperate and have bouts with depression thinking I will never meet someone I will be able to really talk with.

Thanks.

Venice:  Ryan was very shy when I met him.  I am not shy, but I am very reserved.   We were both inexperienced sexually but I had much more of a social life so I wasn’t new to talking to the opposite sex.  I am a great listener though, and people seem to really open up around me.   With that being said, for us it helped that AOL was brand new and although we knew each other in real life, a lot of our communication was done through AOL Instant Messaging.  Sometimes we would go through AOL private chat rooms, which meant at the time we were both exclusively talking to each other and not juggling Instant Messages from 10 different people.  It was almost like an “online” commitment.  This seemed to really help Ryan open up.  Eventually we would meet in person and instead of being shy, I got to see the guy who talked to me in private rooms.  I loved that guy so much.  Ryan shy was cute, but he wouldn’t want to meet my friends, didn’t want to open up, and seemed more shy and awkward than personable and sweet.

I recently read a great article below about dealing with shyness. Although these steps may seem a bit therapeutic (I am not a counselor or professional therapist), it may help to give some of these steps a try.

1) Focus outwards, away from your shyness.  Shyness makes us self-absorbed. This is descriptive, not judgemental. Shy people can feel they have ‘nothing to say’, that they should have amazing stories to tell and be the life and soul of the party. But consider this:

People love you when you find them interesting. Overcoming shyness isn’t about suddenly thinking you’re great. It’s more about forgetting yourself and focusing outward.

Ask questions and cultivate genuine curiosity.   This:

Gives you something to talk about.
Gives other people a chance to talk about themselves (for which they will love you).
Takes your attention off yourself.
Until shyness fades more completely, the next tip will also help you out.

2) Prepare properly.  Once shyness has gone you won’t need to do this; but whilst you still feel shy, practice preparing topics of conversation. If you have an idea of the type of people that are going to be at a gathering, then do a little homework. If many of them are sailing enthusiasts, for instance: Google the local sailing club, find out local sailing routes, prepare a few questions to ask about sailing.

If you feel shy at work, look out for interesting news items over the weekend and bring them into conversation on Monday.

Get into the habit of remembering what people have told you and referring back to it as future conversation starters.

But overcoming shyness isn’t just about talking more.

3) Send the right signals.  Shy people are often misdiagnosed as unfriendly, aloof, or ‘stuck up’. Shyness can make us look unapproachable.

Research has found that we find people who smile and look directly at us more attractive. And people are 86% more likely to strike up conversations with strangers in the street if they are smiling.

Another benefit is that smiling even when you don’t feel like it actually makes you feel better – which can lead to real smiling. 🙂

An important point here: If you smile at someone and they don’t smile back, that is not your problem. We can’t make anyone accept our friendliness any more that we can make someone like us through sheer force.

4) Focus on putting other people at their ease.  Working as a hypnotherapist I’ve seen so many clients who suffered from arachnophobia – fear of spiders. The trouble was, I had a fear of spiders myself! But rather than working on myself directly, I found that working to lift other people’s fear magically lifted my own.

The point here is that by focusing on putting other people at their ease, you’ll find that you feel much more comfortable. Notice who seems a little more diffident or anxious and work to help them feel more relaxed.

5) Learn to manage anxiety
Shyness is really a type of social anxiety. Manage your anxiety by:

Making your out-breath longer than your in-breath. Extending the out-breath begins to relax body and mind very quickly. Once you feel more relaxed, you instantly feel more sociable.
Rehearse being confident. Mentally rehearsing being more outgoing and relaxed has amazing results. Lie down somewhere comfortable, focus on breathing deeply and slowly, and imagine watching yourself in the upcoming social situation looking relaxed, comfortable, and even talkative. You’ll be amazed how this ‘self-hypnotic’ preparation will affect the way you actually feel when you get there.
(Or let me help you by listening to this free audio session right now.)

Bonus Tip!
And lastly, start to ‘wear out’ shyness by putting yourself in as many social situations as possible. We build fear around what we avoid; so by purposefully seeking out situations which would have made you feel shy, you can begin to kick that shyness out of your life. – Uncommonhelp.me

I am unsure about masturbation, but I don’t think quitting masturbation will help you be more social or less shy around women. I think practicing with the steps listed above, social media, and maybe even dating sites may help.   Look into a few options and see what you can find.

As far as your depression, I am sorry to hear that.  Just know that there are a lot of guys and girls out there just like you.  Don’t get too hung up or depressed on being shy or not getting dates.  The internet is an endless source of ways to practice communicating, even if it’s at sites like ours, or just random forums.  Keep your chin up and trust me, eventually you will find that perfect key to your locked personality that will open up your Pandoras box.  You’ll be ready to share everything you’ve kept inside for so long…including your semen.  🙂

Ryan: First of all, quitting masturbation may raise or  not raise your testosterone depending on how you do it.   According to a study published in the “Journal of Zhejiang University,” ejaculation may set off a subtle hormonal cycle. Ejaculation that is followed by 6 days of abstinence may contribute to  peak testosterone levels on the seventh day of after ejaculation.  In other words, abstaining for 6 days will not raise or lower your testosterone, but if you masturbate on the 7th day, afterwards your testosterone levels will rise above normal.  In fact, there are many studies that show different results, please read below:

Masturbation may have subtle effects on testosterone levels. However, testosterone levels result from other factors that relate to elements of overall physical health. The Masturbation Page website indicates that psychological factors may have significant influence over testosterone levels. For example, testosterone levels may rise in men who expect sexual activity or men who expect to be tested for testosterone levels.

Hormonal Cycle
Ejaculation results from masturbating to the point of orgasm. According to a study published in the “Journal of Zhejiang University,” ejaculation may set off a subtle hormonal cycle. Ejaculation that is followed by 6 days of abstinence may contribute to peak testosterone levels on the seventh day of after ejaculation. The Zhejiang University researchers discovered that abstaining from ejaculation for 6 days after orgasm has little effect on testosterone levels, but testosterone levels reached approximately 146 percent on the seventh day.

Rises During Masturbation
A July 2010 “Psychology Today” article concedes that testosterone levels may rise during masturbation. However, the article suggests that ejaculation does not significantly affect testosterone levels: testosterone levels may rise slightly during sexual activity, which includes masturbation, and levels drop back down to normal levels afterward.

Rises After Masturbation
According to an article on the T Nation website, a 1978 study evaluated testosterone levels in young men after sexual activity. The results of the study indicated that testosterone levels were slightly higher in young men after masturbation.

Lower Testosterone Levels
The Ask Men website published an article that advises against frequent masturbation. According to the article, men who masturbate frequently or look forward to masturbating alone on a daily basis may be less likely to engage in sexual activity with a partner. The article suggests that solo masturbation or masturbating with pornography regularly may reduce testosterone levels and reduce sexual partner-seeking behavior due to lower levels of testosterone.

Higher Precursory Steroid
Masturbation may increase levels of a testosterone precursory steroid. The Gengo website indicates that testosterone originates from a steroid called androsteneione, and androstenedione originates from a steroid called 17 alphahydroxypergnenolone. A study published in the “Academia Scientiarum Bohemoslavaca” evaluated steroid hormone levels in young men before and after masturbation-provoked ejaculation. The study found that most circulating steroid levels did not change after ejaculation, but circulating 17 alphahydroxpregenolone increased significantly. The publication does not indicate whether higher levels of 17 alphahydroxypregnolone can result in higher testosterone levels.

No Effect
Masturbation and sexual activity in general may have no significant effect on testosterone levels. The TeenHealth website notes that semen is not the primary source of testosterone, which indicates that ejaculation that occurs with masturbation does not reduce testosterone levels. Generally, masturbation does not have any negative effects on hormone levels. TeenHealth suggests that testosterone levels involve several factors, such as age, time of day and physical activity. – LiveStrong.com

Do I think masturbation will help with your shyness? Absolutely not. I do believe exercising and physical activity will help your testosterone levels, confidence, and social skills more than masturbation, or lack thereof, could ever do. You could also try dating sites like mysexhookups.com, which may help you work on practicing talking to different women in a sexual manner, without having anything to be nervous about.    Whether it be live women that interact with you on camera, or just flirting back and forth with someone who really won’t judge you, it could be good practice.  Although these types of places are not always free, it can help open you up socially under the right circumstances.  Everything in moderation.

I wish I had more advice for you regarding shyness, because I was extremely shy and until I met Venice, I could barely talk to women. Sometimes it’s the woman.  If they are open enough to listen and make you feel good about yourself, being the introvert that I am, as soon as I trusted her not to judge me, my body, or my inexperience, I opened up to her like I had never opened up to anyone.   Back when we met, there were no dating sites, but we did get to know each other much better through AOL Instant Messaging.  For me, talking to her on the phone, although I had met her, was still very hard.  However, talking through instant messages or private chat rooms on AOL, it was almost like I was a whole different person.   For months though, I’d have a million things to type to her in instant message, but in person I was still shy.  She was very patient and I guess she saw who I was on the inside (or behind the IM box) and stuck with me.  There are websites like arousr.com where you can text/sext with women who won’t judge you for being shy.  You can also send photos back and forth and possibly practice your social skills.  Again, these are just suggestions and you should decide what option bests fits your needs.  Practicing won’t hurt.

With the depression thing, trust me, I lived it.  I channeled my energy towards my hobbies, which at the time was music.  I wrote music each day, produced music, and kept my mind off the feeling of, ‘I will be lonely forever.”  However, that is exactly what I felt inside.  I felt hopeless and lonely. But, be patient, practice your social skills online, and I believe eventually you will find your other half. shy guy shy guy shy guy

August 31, 2015

The Clitoris, A-Spot, G-Spot, U-Spot, K-Spot, P-Spot

Vagina Dialogues , , , , , 11 Comments

articles_vulva_vagina_345x214We have a long running series called the Vagina Dialogues where my husband and I comment back and forth on different aspects of a woman’s vagina.  Today, I am going to blog an excerpt from a great book by Desmond Morris, The Naked Woman, A Study of The Female Body, which lists a few areas of the Vagina most people do not know about.  my husband really doesn’t need to add his dialogue here, he should just takes notes and listen!  However, I have added my own comments and experiences below. I have also added photos to go along with each description and a few other erogenous “spots” that were surprisingly not listed by Desmond Morris.

In addition to the vaginal passage and its surrounding labia, the female genitals also boast four sexual ‘Hot Spots.’  These are small zones of heightened erotic sensitivity, the stimulation of which during the mating act helps to bring the female nearer to an orgasmic condition. They are: the Clitoris, the U-spot, the G-spot, and the A-spot. The first two are outside the vagina, the second two inside it:

The Clitoris.

clitThis is the best known of the female genital hot spots, located at the top of the vulva, where the inner labia join at their upper ends.

Much like an uncircumcised penis, you can pull back the clitoral hood and the tip of the clitoris will be exposed.

The visible part is the small, nipple-sized, female equivalent of the tip of the male penis, and is partially covered by a protective hood. Essentially it is a bundle of 8000 nerve fibres, making it the most sensitive spot on the entire female body. It is purely sexual in function and becomes enlarged (longer, more swollen, more erect) and even more sensitive during copulation. During foreplay it is often stimulated directly by touch, and many women who do not easily reach orgasm purely from vaginal stimulation find it easier to climax from oral, digital, or mechanical stimulation of the clitoris.

cspotThis is the spot of all spots.  You can call it the C-Spot if you want, because if you C (see) this spot, you better put your mouth on it, suck on it, lick on it, touch it, tap your dick against it, rub it, circle it, pinch it, jerk it, stroke it, and make sure you leave your woman with a C (sea) spot on the bed. When I orgasm during oral sex, it’s always because my husband is gentle (but quickly) flicking his tongue back and forth over my clitoris.  This orgasm is my most powerful.  Whether it be with my own fingers, my husband’s tongue, or a vibrator, this is the spot. As soon as I orgasm though, slow down and take it easy.  Much like your penis head gets sensitive after/as you orgasm, our clits get extremely sensitive as well and too much movement can ruin our orgasms and be very painful.

6eae466f496dbd95317b35538bbb4db8An Australian surgeon recently reported that the clitoris is larger than previously thought, much of it being hidden beneath the surface. The part that is visible is simply its tip, the rest of its length – its shaft – lying beneath the surface and extending down to surround the vaginal opening. This means that, during pelvic thrusting, its concealed part will be massaged vigorously by the movements of the inserted penis. There will therefore always be some degree of clitoral stimulation, even when the tip is not touched directly. The clitoral shaft is, however, less sensitive than the exposed tip, so that direct contact with the tip will always have a greater impact on female arousal. Some women claim that, by employing a rhythmic, downward roll of the pelvis, they can create a direct friction on the clitoris tip while the male is making pelvic thrusts, and can in this way magnify their arousal, but this requires a more dominant role for the female, which is not always accepted by the male.

The U-Spot.

uspotThis is a small patch of sensitive erectile tissue located just above and on either side of the urethral opening. It is absent just below the urethra, in the small area between the urethra and the vagina. Less well known than the clitoris, its erotic potential was only recently investigated by American clinical research workers. They found that if this region was gently caressed, with the finger, the tongue, or the tip of the penis, there was an unexpectedly powerful erotic response.

Continue Reading The Clitoris, A-Spot, G-Spot, U-Spot, K-Spot, P-Spot

August 27, 2015

Your Memes, My Thoughts

Life & Random Moments , , , , 2 Comments

MemeI’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t have to look online for some silly relationship memes. Why? Because I follow some silly ass people on Facebook who are trigger happy when they post and share stuff from their just-as-relationship-challenged friends.

Recently I saw this awesome little gem on my timeline. It has a picture of a man’s dirty, grimy hand next to a callous-free woman’s hand who we’re to believe belongs to his wife. The caption above the picture states:

“I work daylight to dark. Bust my knuckles, my back and my butt. I hurt all day everyday and take it to the max every second. When I feel like giving up, I just think about my wife and think about how this work is helping our household. There’s not a more important person in my life than her. My hands look like this, so hers can look like that.”

In a perfect world, a man who worked for a women’s sole happiness would, for some gold-digging, lazy chicks, be just that: perfect. However, this photo just has too many implications not to ignore. First, I think it’s safe to assume he’s is just a regular blue collar guy, probably does oil changes for a living, works on cars, or is a plumber. There is absolutely nothing wrong with those jobs, by the way. I loved telling my friends that I was one of two girls in my Auto Mechanics class in high school. There’s not such thing as a bad job. Unless you’re a prostitute, but that’s not really a job because you don’t pay taxes (except in Nevada). Anyway. Second, so if she doesn’t work, what does she do all day? Watch her “programs” and look through Pinterest accounts?

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