Q&A: Are You Satisfied Without Having Orgasms?

orgasmThis Question and Answer is a bit different because I am responding to a comment from a recent blog: Sexcapades – Pillow Talk.

As I typed my answer I realized it was a bit long winded so I decided it deserved a blog of its own.  It’s a great question.

[pullquote align=”full” cite=”” link=”” color=”#8a2714″ class=”” size=””]Would you mind explaining this dynamic further? Do you do this often? While it’s certainly described as pleasurable for you, are you satisfied without having an orgasm?[/pullquote]

Venice’s response:
I can orgasm whenever I want. Whether it be before, during, or afterwards. What’s interesting is, I usually have plateaus inside of my vagina (this drug-like “high” feeling) that makes my cervix muscles twitch while I am being fucked. Almost like mini orgasms that can happen in almost any position, at almost any time, and with or without purposeful provocation or stimulation. Maybe that’s why sex feels so physically good for me. I guess I do not write about them because it’s not as important to me. What was more important and sexy for me in Sexcapades – Pillow Talk, was the experience. When being dominated or taken, it’s about being used, not counting my orgasms. I’ll try to explain it better below.

Feeling Ryan’s cum inside me is one of the most satisfying and mentally fulfilling experiences I have during sex, and it’s been this way since the first time I felt him inside me. It’s my instincts to want to be bred by my man, to be wanted, to be lusted, to be used as a woman, to be chosen as who he passes on his DNA, to be trusted with his seeds inside me, to please him enough or feel good enough to his penis and his mind so that he can easily orgasm, and to know my womanly instincts are still intact. Although our goal isn’t to have as many children as possible, it’s still ingrained into all of my woman instincts to want a man to choose me to impregnate. This is life’s cycle and I understand we want to “mean more”, but reproduction is why we all exist. That’s our reality. Sex isn’t complicated or about “me me me” for a woman (or this woman). It’s about keeping our men happy so they give us what we need: protection, attention, love, and of course, our family, progeny, and the means to pass on our genes.  This is why Casual Encounters on Craigslist isn’t filled with women, we can’t get any of the above from there, just an orgasm (and probably not that either). Don’t get me wrong, orgasms are fun, but it’s not in my instincts to cum as many times as possible. My orgasms have nothing to do with passing on my genes, although the actual orgasmic contraction is supposed to help draw semen into a woman’s cervix (so does a long dick). But that’s irrelevant because women can get pregnant without orgasming. Regardless, when I orgasm, it’s physically satisfying, but nothing like a man taking my body and using me to orgasm with.

A man has urges to orgasm because it’s enjoyable but also because it’s one of his most primitive and powerful instincts. This urge drives and controls him, effects his decision making, and can even become an addiction. A woman accepts his orgasm, because it’s one of our most primitive and powerful instincts. This urge can also drive and control us, effect our decision making (why we are attracted to larger penises), and also become an addiction. Yes having an orgasm is pleasurable, but I am not driven to orgasm because this isn’t something generations of women have done in order to reproduce. I have no idea if my mom, grandmother, great grandmother, or ancestors in the jungles of Philippines even had orgasms. What I do know is, they embraced a man and took his seeds inside them. As women, it’s our instinct to accept our men, not to orgasm. I’m driven to love this feeling of acceptance, while I am not driven to orgasm. I love orgasms when they happens, but I do not “need” it (apparently I don’t focus on writing about them either). I do not want to be a man, I do not want to make myself equal with my needs. Just because a man needs to have a physical orgasm, needs to know his woman has orgasms, or needs to have this selfish moment of releasing, doesn’t mean that is what satisfies my most primal urges.

And before I continue, why as a woman do I put Ryan on a pedestal, like his cum is something I should worship and need inside me to feel like a woman? Because I chose him. I chose him to create my children. I chose him to pass on my own DNA. I chose him to worship his release and enjoy his seeds in my body. The same way he chose me, I chose him. I am loyal to the guy I chose and because I am a woman, I will make him feel lusted, wanted, and even special, by telling him the whole time he fucks me to please just give me his cum. I am sure it blows his mind to see another human so desperate for his semen in her body, but I chose this man. Now it’s my turn to be the woman I want to be (I have no urges to be a man and have his needs), and worship my man, his dick, and his semen. And yes, that means put his orgasm ahead of my own, because it’s my instincts to want his orgasm more than I want my own. For some women reading that, it’s probably going to look foolish and hard to accept. Some women want to be men. They want to put their orgasms equal to a mans. They want to put their sexual needs equivalent to a mans. I don’t. I enjoy being a woman, like the 100s of women before me, that accepted a man in her body to eventually create me.

If you follow me on social media, you know I tweet monthly about my cycle. The idea behind my cycle and what it means, why it makes me a woman, is similar to why I am satisfied by a man using my body for his pleasure.

For years I couldn’t orgasm through penetration and I’ve always enjoyed sex with Ryan immensely. I have always told him that his orgasms satisfy me more than when I came through oral sex (before or afterwards). It made me feel lusted, wanted, sexy, and in control of his body. Now that I can orgasm through penetration, it creates a new dynamic, but nothing can replace how I learned to enjoy sex as a girl.

With all that being said, you’re probably thinking: are orgasms even satisfying to her? For sure they are! And because I orgasm through sex, and not just with a Hitachi (or “back massager” haha!) my sexual experiences are that much more amazing. I think the fact I wrote this experience the way I did, shows what I enjoy about sex. I mean, I wanted to share this. Sometimes Ryan will see a blog I write and say, “Well, you had multiple orgasms, why don’t you mention it?” It just isn’t as sexy to me. I think men may like to read about that more than I like to write about it.

Hopefully that answers your question. female orgasms female orgasms female orgasms female orgasms

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Wow, that’s a great perspective. You are really true to your primal instincts and Ryan is a lucky man to be with you.

I think that’s amazing, but you’re going to have a lot of women totally disagree with every word. I do love to cum, but I never feel more loved than when the guy I love can cum from kissing me and slowly moving his body inside mine. Sex is so interesting.

Men care more about our orgasms than we do. Fact.

I’ve had a man fuck me for like 2 hours, sweating, looking miserable, trying so hard to get me off. I told him it wasn’t going to happen in the beginning, because I know my mood and body. He ignored it and kept going. Probably the worst sex I have ever had in my entire life.

Great blog Venice!

Even though my wife has an O almost everytime we have sex (mostly clitoral), you articulated something I believe she felt for years that I never grasped.

I remember sitting with a marital counselor with her years ago and her telling the counselor for me to be more “selfish” in bed. She wanted to give up her orgasm for me to be more selfish. Basically…she felt as you stated. And sometimes, the quicker I cum, the more desired she feels.

Thank you for your sharing. I am worried that I lack creative ideas. It is your article that makes me full of hope. Thank you. But, I have a question, can you help me?

Thank you for your sharing. I am worried that I lack creative ideas. It is your article that makes me full of hope. Thank you. But, I have a question, can you help me?