Q&A: Fifty Shades of Grey and A Butt Plug Question

fifty-shades-of-grey-bookMy wife is a very strong “type A” personality and I am sure in large part this is due to her career where she is an executive only two steps below the CEO. She is a woman in an industry that is 95% plus male and has to be even tougher and type A due to her gender.

At any rate we have been married 15 years and have 2 kids. We are both in our early 40s and have a pretty good marriage with what most would consider a good sex life. Nothing crazy but good and mostly satisfying for both of us.

As with most marriages I would imagine our sex life “evolves” somewhat from time to time (again nothing crazy). I recently have discovered that she likes to be dominated. She loved being “manhandled” and kind of forced into doing things. I surmise that this is due to some sort of psychological thing that allows her to deviate from her normal type A personality. Instead of being in charge and calling the shots….someone else is (me!). She LOVED the Fifty Shades of Grey books which again are a deviation (from the womans point of view) from her normal personality. I have kind of known this for years but like I said we never “evolved” into domineering situations before now. So now I am really taking the lead (when the time is appropriate) and kind of dominating her.

We are both looking forward to the Fifty Shades movie and I will now be reading the book. In the meantime we were talking the other night about purchasing some Fifty Shades novelty type items for us to try out. This would definitely be an evolution in our sex life as we will likely be getting arm and leg restraints, a paddle, a blindfold. I might get some nipple clamps as well (something we have never done..but she loves nipple stimulation). Then she said “I don’t want the butt plug though”.

Having not read the books I didn’t know about the inclusion of a butt plug in the story. Now..She up until this point in our relationship has maintained that she has no interest in anything anal related. A few years ago I manually rubbed her anus during sex when she was on top and she absolutely got off on it (she orgasmed within seconds of my doing it) but that notwithstanding she denied that she liked it. And denied interest. So I really haven’t tried anything anal related since. But after she mentioned the “no butt plug” thing I asked her about it. When I mentioned that many women really enjoy them for some reason…they must have some sexual value. She agreed with that point and we both admitted that we really didn’t know what they did to enhance sex. So I did some reading today and discovered that the purpose behind butt plugs (for women) is after insertion (slowly) is to kind of just fill a woman up. Due to the butt plug being inserted the vagina is made tighter which of course increases everyones pleasure during sex. Supposedly the womans contractions and spasms leading up to and during orgasm activate nerve endings in the anus/rectum and seriously enhance pleasure.

Is it a worthwhile and pleasurable item to add to our lovemaking?

My wife seemed to open up to the idea a little bit after I told her what I read but I think a maybe a testimonials from a real women might help her in her butt plug usage decision process. I would LOVE to try this as I am more adventurous sexually but of course if she isn’t going to enjoy it there is no point. The idea of her tied up, blindfolded, nipple clamps on, and a butt plug inserted sounds like it would be tremendous fun. 

Do you or your readers have any feedback about your experiences that may help?  Thanks.   

Venice response:
You’ve asked the right woman! I love butt plugs! The thing that attracted me to the butt plugs was its look. I’m not into jewelry, I’ve never asked my man to buy me jewelry. Every ring, necklace, pendant, etc. he’s ever bought me was through his own doing. When I first saw a woman with a butt plug, I was very intrigued. I wasn’t sure exactly what it was for, i.e. its known and intended purpose, but I knew I wanted one. I didn’t research what a butt plug was for, I just made sure I had lube available when I inserted it.

When I first tried it out, I had to get used to it of course. It didn’t hurt putting it in, having it in, or taking it out. In fact, it become like a pair of glasses: you don’t even remember you’re wearing them until you think about it. The thing about wearing them is you don’t set out to tell the world you’re wearing it. Apart from social media and my husband, no one knows about it. So what, do you ask, is the purpose then? I, myself, have several reasons.

One, it makes me feel sexy. That’s probably the most important reason. When I’m out in public, I tend to feel more confident. I feel myself standing up straighter, looking at people in the eye, and being more friendly to strangers. Not flirting, but saying hi as I pass by them in the aisle. It also makes me feel dirty, like I’ve got a secret that only I know. So the smirks and the smiles emanate from me are genuine.

Two, it loosens you up. Now, a penis doesn’t compare to a butt plug, but you can tell the difference between wearing it all day and not wearing it at all. It allows the anus to stretch and prepare itself for anal sex. It’s true! It’s not going to keep you from feeling a penis go in and out of a tight bootay hole, but it takes away a bit of the sting/stretching sensation that you’d feel if you hadn’t worn one otherwise.

Three, teasing purposes. Sometimes I won’t tell my husband that I’ve put it in as I’m getting ready for work. If he knows, it defeats the purpose of teasing him. Before I get dressed, I’ll dip the tip of the hard steel into my coconut oil before reaching around and sliding the metal into my hole. Then, in the middle of the day, I’ll send him pictures of me pulling my panties aside just enough to see the sparkly jewel attached to my butt plug. I have three different sizes in two different colors. There’s nothing special about them aside from what it represents: I want anal sex that night. He gets extremely turned on knowing that I send him little hints and signals that I want his hard cock in my ass after work.

So you don’t need to scour the Internet looking for reasons to prove or disprove the usefulness of a butt plug. Sigmund Freud even notes how babies identify with anal gratification in the second psychosexual stage. The anal region is forbidden, it’s dirty, and it’s something we’re trained to shy away from. It’s why we’re embarrassed to pass gas and get upset if someone doesn’t “courtesy flush.” But as sexual, consenting adults, we have to re-train ourselves to accept and embrace the anal region as a source of sexual gratification and stimulation, and not one of disgust and perversion. My suggestion: buy the prettiest anal plug you can find (a steel one with a bright and clear colored jewel) and give it to her as a gift. Warning – they’re pricey, but probably one of the best sex toy investments I’ve ever made.

From a man’s perspective, the anal plugs are sexy, sends me the message my woman is in a different type of sexual mindset for the night, and loosen her up for later so there is no tearing or much discomfort.  Even if we don’t all out anal, there is a 100% chance I will pull out and ejaculate in her anus safely that night (without tearing).  I really notice a difference in the way the way her anus rim feels after wearing the plug all day. I mean, it’s tight no matter what, but after taking out a plug, it is very easy to lubricate and slide inside for anal sex.  However, anal sex without the plug takes much more careful effort, fingers progression, more lube, and still, even when you do penetrate, I can feel the difference with the anus having much more tension. I think it no only loosens the anus because of its shape and size, but I also think it mentally helps Venice relax so the beginning of anal sex if much more pleasant for both of us.  My goal during anal sex is never to hurt Venice.

And yes, if she keeps the plug in during sex, the vagina feels much tighter.  The bigger the plug, the more tight her vagina.  I do not prefer this sensation of a shared vagina, as I like the the feeling Venice’s natural tightness gives me.   However, if Venice wanted this stuffed sensation, I’d be more than happy to have her keep it in during normal intercourse.  I want sex for her to be pleasurable in every way she desires.

I say buy one and let her decide if she wants to give it a try.  She may wear it to work where she can be dominant and in charge, but secretly know she is wearing a butt plug under her dress because her husband asked her to and she is being a good girl.  A lot of women may be in a position of power but still enjoy being someone’s little girl.  Whether it be instincts or comfort.  To come home and give up her power and just be your obedient woman in bed, may keep her life and personality balanced.  A lot of men do the same thing.  They may be in powerful positions but still come home and enjoy their wives’ pegging them.  It’s a release.

Have fun.
TAGS: should i buy a butt plug, anal plug, do butt plugs feel good, can you use a butt plug on your vagina, do butt plugs work, 50 shades of grey, 50 shades of grey, 50 shades of grey

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@OohFellatio Wow! We just blogged a q&a! @endles86 @TobiBraxton

Q&A: Fifty Shades of Grey and A Butt Plug Question http://t.co/xEUv07n6gW

this was an interesting and fun read! http://t.co/pPNdtHHG9u

In looking forward to the movie even more now I’ve read this article

Q&A … Fifty Shades edition!

Q&A: Fifty Shades of Grey and A Butt Plug Question http://t.co/xEUv07n6gW

Q&A: Fifty Shades of Grey and A Butt Plug Question http://t.co/7kG0Ygwu3X

Q&A: Fifty Shades of Grey and A Butt Plug Question http://t.co/i58fI0fwm5

Love this blog. Is there a difference is jeweled butt plugs? Which sizes?