As we understand it, swinging is one couple having sexual relations with another couple. However, there are grey areas here as some single men are also in the swing lifestyle. Although I’d disagree with this, I’d consider a single man in the “get ass any way I possibly can lifestyle.” If he isn’t sharing or letting someone explore his intimate other, he isn’t swinging. I’ve heard some couples compare the single man in the swinging lifestyle to a parasite. But other than that, the crowd is usually open-minded, as you would have to be to accept other couples into your bedroom. Either way, there are different types of swinging, like there are different types of porn. You have your hard swingers and your soft swingers. Hard swinging is swapping partners, either same or different room. Full intercourse, oral, anal, whatever. Each partner swaps and they enjoy themselves however they like, or however they have set up their own personal boundaries with their partners. Soft swinging is not quite as hardcore, but it is how most swingers start out. Same room sex but you remain with your own partner. There may be some touching of other partners, female on female if the ladies are bi, and possibly oral, but that is a grey area. I’d feel oral crosses over into the hard swinging, but what if it’s just a man eating you out while your partner has sex with you. That isn’t quite like watching your husband watching you suck off another man in front of him. With the different types of oral, different boundaries, oral would still be considered soft swinging by most couples.
With that said, we are lifetime members of swinglifestyle.com but have never met with any couples. We’ve conversed and explored different ideas, but never set up any dates to meet any couple because the idea turns us on more than the actual idea of sharing. We are stingy.
Then came Twitter…
Twitter has allowed us to talk to many amazing people we would otherwise not talk to in real life. What’s even better is we get to delve into their lives via pictures and endless overlapping conversations with 140 characters or less, every letter counts, which in turn either makes you a “parts 2 and 3” tweeter or a succinct one.
With me being bi-curious and Ryan being open-minded, we can talk about our likes and dislikes about the fetishes, preferences, and people in general. Recently we had a discussion about swinging. We both agreed that we would never hard swing. Neither of us have the desire to give ourselves to anyone else. Soft swinging, on the other hand, is something we might consider since there are boundaries and no partner swapping.
With that out of the way, we discussed what we would both be comfortable with. Ryan has no interest in seeing me suck or fuck another man, AT ALL. He is open-minded with certain things, but he has no interest in sucking or being fucked by another man. I understand this. We are both stubborn, but we’d like to think we are open and very non judgemental. Neither of us would ever settle for less just to get our rocks off. A lifetime of regret isn’t worth 30 minutes of experimentation, and I plan on being with Ryan for my lifetime. It’s this same attitude that keeps either of us from cheating. We both love each other and we can openly talk about our lusts and desires without getting mad at one another. As long as I do not judge him and try to understand, he seems to be okay with opening up with me about different scenarios.
For me, the bi-girl in the other couple could do whatever she wanted with me, but her interaction with Ryan would be limited. Maybe touching him, maybe helping with oral sex, but definitely no penetration. (***this has now changed as I do not mind penetration for small periods of time as long as I am in control of his dick and using it to spoon out her juices and eat her off his dick). I would let her kiss me with Ryan’s cum in my mouth if she wanted, but I don’t want to see Ryan ever fucking another woman. Ryan has said he is totally okay with that and has explained to me that he would not be offended if me and the girl had little to no boundaries with each other. I would let her do whatever she wanted with me, including me or her putting a strap-on on and working each other’s pussies over. I think most men, including Ryan, wouldn’t have an issue with this. But the bi-woman looking to jump in with a couple is called a “unicorn” for a reason.
As far as couples go, this is pretty simple. Soft swinging is all we’d consider. Us girls can play if we get along and want to. The guys can watch (***we have moved away from the idea of soft swinging, as the idea of being watched turns us both off). Our own personal boundaries are the same, regardless of the female or a couple. We have no interest in seeing the other have oral sex (***this has also changed, as I am okay with Ryan and I eating out a woman together) or sex with another person, but are definitely okay with playful touching and being licked respectfully. This would be totally up to the other couple, as we understand our boundaries are pretty constricted. Otherwise, we would be into same room play and watching the other couple get off while we did the same. That sounds kinky and fun.
I talked with Ryan today and we both decided this would be a good blog topic. Other than our faces we have been very open with our readers, trying to keep everything as authentic as we can. We aren’t the greatest couple in the world, but we are honest and sincere with our strengths and shortcomings. We may flirt on Twitter, but our love is stronger than the need for retweets. With good communication and strong boundaries it is possible to enjoy flirting and teasing others, but still be very faithful to your spouse.
What do you think?
Originally posted: Dec, 12, 2012.
***Edited on December 9, 2013. Look how much has changed in a year?! Our boundaries have opened a bit but we have abandoned the idea of “soft swinging”. Although we are open minded enough to understand why some couples do this, we learned that we are not into being watched or playing in front of another couple. Ryan isn’t comfortable and I absolutely only have the desire to play with other women. Instead we have opened up our bedroom to threesomes and looking for a female partner that turns us both on and fits our mold.
Honesty, communication and trusting your partner are paramount in any relationship, swinging or not. It definitely looks like you guys are on the same page with your wants, needs and expectations. That’s fantastic!
I love reading your blogs and talking to you both on twitter. Keep up the great work 🙂
We agree with that 100%. I trust that anything I ask of Ryan he will agree to, or at least meet me halfway, and vice versa.
I applaud any couple that has the strength and trust to be open with each other regarding their needs, wants, and secret desires without PASSING JUDGEMENT. This is type of trust and respect is a fulcrum on which a relationship can balance.
Thank you, Jess. Though we weren’t always this way when we first got married, our desire to communicate evolved and our open-mindedness soon followed. We found common boundaries as well as desires, and in doing so strengthened our marriage AND friendship. Thank you for sharing.
This is definitely something we learned together over time. It has taken a while but I think we have figured out that 2 people can eventually work with each other to get the most out of life and sex. I’d say, at this point me and Venice are very close to what I’ve always considered a perfect sexual relationship. The old me was more pushy and less considerate, which created a tug-a-war between me and Venice. As I relaxed and let her choose her own sexual path, Venice seemed to want to try new things and became the aggressor in our sexual relationship. Even with this swing topic. This is something she has showed interest in without me pushing. For instance, a few of our friends on twitter had a meet up, and she sincerely seemed to want to go, much more than I did. Maybe it’s the group atmosphere or just she has found other people who share the same interests, but she has seemed to really open up.
Reading the article again, some of the things I wish were different and we could be “more open”, but for whatever reason, my mind can’t wrap around the idea of sharing Venice with anyone. And I feel she also doesn’t like the idea of sharing me. This article struggles with the idea of being totally open, yet not being open at all. Like…. we are interested in swinging, but we do not want to swing. Either way, the softer part of the lifestyle is something we love, otherwise we wouldn’t be posting our nude pictures for the world to look at.
We may always fall on the softer side of swinging, but we enjoy the stories and topics we read from other couples, with a lot of things in common with us.
…and I agree, good communication keeps our relationship healthy and open. Just to sit down and talk about sex and different things we can do, has made our sex life so much better. From this blog to our projects, we’ve done a lot of things that before we may have done, but there was no real excitement or build up, because it just happened. Partial due to our exhibitionist/soft swinging desires, and partially due to us enjoying each other as much as possible and openly letting each other know that is our goal with everything we do…. even if others think some of the stuff we try is “gross” or “wrong.”
Hi Ryan & Venice, I really dig your blog. I was lead to your blog from your xhamster profile. This is the second post I’ve read and I just wanted to tell you that for me and my wife swinging was just a bedroom fantasy up until a few years ago… We always played on the soft swingers (SS) side of the line but the build up of all that sexual energy leads to some really hard fucking and passionate lovemaking between us. We recently visited a swing club though and we both stuck a toe across the (SS) line…. Well I stuck a toe across. My wife on the other hand stuck her tongue over the line. I watched as she twirled it around a very hard dick that was attached to a fellow club goer. My reaction was not one of jealousy or anger, far from it. It was complete and total lust and desire for my sexy wife. I watched this guy’s eyes roll into the back of his head and got a smile on my face because I know my wife sucks amazing dick. The reaction of this guy’s wife getting his dick sucked was a different story. She had left to get a drink or go the restroom and returned to find her partner’s dick in my wife’s mouth. They got into a small argument and left my wife and I to keep ourselves entertained. We ended the night early but not before seeing the other couple having some very hot make up sex.
On the drive home my wife looked over at me with this sexy smile and just said I can’t wait to cum back..
Not sure what will happen next time but I have to say I’m looking forward to it. I will say that the crowd at the club was very open and laid back and I think the atmosphere is what helped things to transpire the way they did. It was couples only and a very small amount of single males or males without a partner present. If it does go past (SS) into some Hard Swinging (HS), I will make sure to share the story. BTW the wife is reading your blog on her kindle and cracking up at something you wrote as I write this.
You speak from experience so I can’t say how’d I feel after a few soft experiences, but I do know my own personality. I definitely would not be okay with crossing any boundaries on a whim. That is why communication is important because If I turned and saw what you saw, my reaction would be very different.
I do not have any deep hidden desires to see my wife give oral or fuck any other man. We love the openness of the lifestyle, but we are both on the same page regarding what we would and wouldn’t do.