When it comes to sex tapes, this is the one that possibly killed the entire movement. Dustin Diamond, better known as Screech from Saved By The Bell, pulls out all his tricks for this one… or does he?
Screeched, Saved By The Smell, was supposedly recorded in a St. Louis hotel room with the intention to sell as a “leaked” sex tape. Although Dustin Diamond has said that he tried to stop the tape being “leaked”, David Hans Schmidt of Red Light District Video, has said Dustin was in on the deal the entire time. Although Schmidt has claimed the video is 100% authentic to his knowledge, a lot of people question Dustin is actually the guy behind the penis.
“Dustin was in on this deal from the start,” Schmidt tells us. “He made this tape in a St. Louis hotel room with two girls last summer with the intention that I would sell it.” Schmidt showed us what he vouches is Diamond’s signature on a contract dated Aug. 27, 2006. Attached is a cover letter on which Diamond’s manager, Roger Paul, appears to have scribbled, “Let’s make some money!” Schmidt suspects Diamond has been doubly deceptive. “I have reason to believe that is not Dustin’s [manhood] in the movie,” says the agent. “You never see his face and his [manhood] in the same shot. If, in fact, he used a body double, I’m going to sue him for defrauding me, Red Light and the American public.
Our only question is, why would anyone use that penis as a stunt double? It’s quite possibly the ugliest looking penis we’ve ever seen.
Two things that pique our most primal instincts: watching people fuck or fight. Let’s cut to the chase – people enjoy celebrity sex tapes because they are watching celebrities fuck. It’s a small window of opportunity to look inside the lives of famous people and see how they do the dirty deed. Most of the time, our minds build these people up into super humans; famous and able to do things we can only imagine. However, seeing them fuck brings them right back down to earth. We love that. Money and fame can’t make a celebrity’s sex life any better than Mary Joe and Billy Bob in the trailer park. Money didn’t make his dick big, didn’t make his female partner fly around the bed room and land on his cock after 8 flips and a somersault, and it didn’t make his orgasm any different from our own. Good sex is all about attitude, keeping your ego in check, and letting someone totally consume you (something celebrities have a very hard time with), and being open and comfortable with your partner.
If you’ve watched a sex tape, ask yourself why. Did you wonder what a person who has money and fame fucks like? Oh, Ms. Everything is so gorgeous and a great actor, I wonder how well she fucks and sucks dick? I wonder how she grooms her vagina? How do her nipples look? I wonder if her partner is huge? How big is his dick? In fact, these questions will be our official categories when rating videos.
Below I have listed each category with a short description of the criteria for each:
Quality: Can you even see what is going on? Most real sex tapes do not have the best quality (see our stuff), so we will rate each videos quality. This opinion will be based solely of the quality of the footage, not the content.
Entertainment Value: Is the video even worth the attention it gets? Does this sex tape include real home video footage, paid actors with fake “home” footage, wrestling midget clowns, corny dialogue, or just straight sex footage. This category speaks for itself. Entertainment value.
Star Factor: Can this video turn a C-rated celebrity into a superstar? Does the video live up to the hype behind the name? We’ll decide.
Skill: Does he/she fuck good? Of course this is all based on our opinions, but we will judge the skill level of these celebs. Does he fuck good, does she suck dick amazing, or do they just flat out stink in the sack?
The Woman: This category will be based off the quality of the woman/women, including her hair, her breasts, her ass, her vagina grooming habits, and yes, probably even her nails.
The Man: Everyone likes to see what a man is working with, including other men. In other words, is his dick big? If the man is a celeb or not, we will let you know our opinions of what sized tools are being used in each sex tape.
Sexual Value: This is a bit different from entertainment value, simply because I can be entertained, but not wet. During the videos, Ryan and I will sit next to each other and I will fondle him, rub his balls, and watch with an open mind. I assume he will be doing the same. Does it give Ryan an erection? Does it make me want to suck his dick? We will watch the videos together and if we fuck during or immediately after, the videos will be given a high sex value. I assume, famous or not, if the sex is good and they both seem into it, it will turn us both on. If the sex is medicore, we will let you know.
Summary and Conclusion:
In all fairness, we have certainly had our own stuff criticized, reviewed, hated, loved, insulted, complimented, judged, and so on. With over a half million views on our “sex tapes,”,we understand that nothing can please everyone. Some people think a dick is big, some people think a dick is small. Some people think a woman acting timid and sucking dick slow is amazing, some people think that is lame as hell. Opinions are just that, opinions. Our reviews are meant to entertain those that come to our site and read our blogs, moreso than truly judge a sex tape. If you were really interested in a sex tape, I assume you’d find it yourself rather than come here to read our opinions about it.