Random Moments With Us – Soda Run

streakRyan gets out of bed nude to grab his soda from the kitchen.  As he comes back to the bedroom with his tail wagging, he anxiously asks:

Ryan: Hey, hey, hey, hey…

Venice:

Ryan: Hey, I left my drink in the car.  Do you think I need to put on my robe to go get it real quick?

Venice: Yea, you should probably put your robe on.

Ryan: But it’s dark…

Venice: Yea, but you should still put your robe on.

Ryan darts out of the room like a little kid excited to share his pee pee with the world.  As he runs past the garage door to his vehicle, our garage light sensor spots him and turns on our inside garage lights.  Our outside motion lights then also detect him and shine on his naked body like a center stage spotlight.  The neighbor’s dog sees the lights and begins to bark furiously.  Ryan clicks the unlock button on his car door a few feet away from it hoping to quickly dive in and grab his drink.  Unfortunately, the unlock button automatically shines the headlights on him, and brake lights, and the inner car lights.   He hears the neighbor open the side door to yell at his dog and immediately aborts mission.

A few moments later Ryan walks back in the room naked without his soda.

Venice:  Are you alright?

Ryan: Yea, I think I should get my robe or something.

Venice: Yea, probably.

The hilarious details of Ryan’s failed Nude Mt. Dew Ninja Mission were given after the fact.

 

Random Moments With Us – Capital Qwee

As I was editing our last Random Moments  post, Ryan suggested that we capitalize the proper nouns, e.g. Drama King.  Ryan is holding the mouse over each first letter while I backspace and then re-type the capital letter.  We start from the bottom of the post..

drama dutchess

Ryan: “Like see here…you should have a capital D, then capital D.  Drama Dutchess.

Venice: [re-types]

drama princess

Ryan: Capital D, Capital P

Venice: [re-types]

drama queen

Ryan: Capital D, Capital Quee

Venice: Capital what?

Ryan:

Venice:

Random Moments With Us – Dutcherland

dutcherlandSo Ryan’s complaining about something…

Venice:  Stop being such a Drama Queen.

Ryan:  Uhhh, why can’t I be a Drama King?

Venice: See! Stop being such a Drama Princess.

Ryan: Princess huh?  Why can’t I be a Drama Prince?

Venice: Stop being such a Drama Dutchess.

Ryan: Why can’t I be a Drama Dutch?

Venice: You can’t be a Dutch. It would be Duke.

Ryan: I could be a Dutch if I were from Dutcherland.

Venice: You mean Holland?

Ryan: …

Venice: …

Sex On The Beach

sex-on-the-beachI don’t know what drove us to head back to the beach that night.  Maybe we were summoned by the sound of perpetual waves rolling onto the wet sand.  Maybe we were drawn to the idea of warm air surrounding us.  Maybe our sandy feet from our stroll earlier that day caused us to make the drive back.  Whatever it was, the romantic notion of “fucking at the beach” was too strong to ignore.  But the fact was it was still winter. And despite us being in Florida, I bundled up as tight as I could, putting on layer upon layer of clothes from whatever was available in our car.  I started off with a brown spaghetti strap tank top, tan wrap skirt, and flip flops and added a black scarf, my pea coat, and fur-lined suede boots.  According to the reading on the rearview mirror, it was 43 degrees outside.

Almost immediately after Ryan shuffled around to open my door, the wind cut through my thin skirt, my boots doing little to keep me warm.  The frigid air enveloped me, letting me know it would not show any mercy.  It was past midnight on a Sunday and we hoped we would have the beach to ourselves.  Ryan told me to put my arms around him and that he would keep me warm.  I wrapped my scarf around my face like a mummy, buttoned up my coat, and pulled my sleeves down over my hands, but nothing I did provided relief.  We looked across the empty road dividing the parking lot and the beach and saw a lone car parked on the far right.  Three people with backpacks and hoodies came out; I was quick to judge, calling them “stoners.”  I was disappointed because I didn’t want anyone else around.  We kept walking and our paths crossed at the wooden ramp leading onto the beach. The wind seemed to blow harder as we neared the water.  Ripples on the sand looked like tiny little grainy waves suspended in time, as we were like giants looking down at sand dunes.  Fortunately our destinations lead us away from them and we end up on the lifeguard chair while they turned right and stayed near the water’s edge a safe 50 yards away.  My legs shook from the cold and it didn’t help that we were walking on sand.  We sat on the bottom plank of the lifeguard chair and constantly keep looking at the stoners.  I look at them like they’re nuts as they run from the waves coming in before settling down away from the incoming tide.  

With the temperature so low, I felt secure that no one was behind us.  Those three shouldn’t even been out here.  But they were, and that’s what prompts me to do what I did next.

The stiff board creaked beneath me as I hopped on and undid Ryan’s pants.  I put my warm mouth on him, not giving the blistering wind a chance to get his dick cold.  I swirled my tongue and suck him slow.  I felt him slowly growing between my jaws as I turned him on making loud smacking noises as I sucked his dick.  I moved my head up and down as he leaned his head back and enjoyed.  My own eyes are closed too as the wind kept blowing grains of sand in my face.

Ryan paused and told me that he saw flashes of light coming from the direction of the stoners.  When I looked up, sure enough, there were flashes of light intermittently blinking as each one was taking pictures on their mobile phones.  I felt dirty, sexy, depraved – all at once.  If it’s a show they want, it’s a show they’ll get.  I knew were too far away from them to show any actual details, so I exaggerated my movements bobbing my head deep into his crotch, deepthroating his cock, then pulling away without letting go of his manhood, then back down and up again, slowly so they catch every movement on their cameras.

I told him to grab the back of my head with both hands and to thrust his hips back and forth.  I opened my eyes and looked toward them; the lights continued to flash.  I took his cock down my throat one last time and leave him dripping with my sticky spit.  I moved my ass toward the edge of the wood board and slide my boots off.  I leaned back on my elbows and pulled Ryan down over me.  “Hold my legs up,” I told him.  He scooped his arms under both my knees and soon my calves are mounted on his shoulders.  He waited until I’d guided his cock between my lips before he begins pumping.  I grabbed the belt loops on his jeans and signaled for him to fuck me faster.

Again, I looked at the three stoners who have made no attempt to hide exactly what they were doing.  And why should they?  We weren’t. The flashes became more frequent as they seemed to be scrambling to see who could get the best shot of my man fucking me. I gave them every opportunity.  I stood up and turned around.  Ryan lifted up my skirt onto my back.  He took hold of my waist as he rammed his dick in me.  “Harder!”  I ordered him. He rammed his dick in me so hard my whole body thrusted forward.  I tried to stop myself and more loose grains graze the skin on my palms.  I stayed bent down, my face almost resting on the board as I faced our audience of three.

“I said harder!” and he obeyed.  I said this loud enough for them to hear.  I screamed each time his dick pistoned in and out of my pussy, making sure my cries are picked up over the waves sloshing behind them. “Oh, God!  Oh, God!” I yelled repeatedly.  “Fucking cum in me!”  I kept screaming until Ryan grunted out from his cum.  He laid his chest on my back and I waited for his dick to release his hot load in me.  I stood back up and pulled my dress down.  We’re “done,” but the flashing continues.

So if you see any pictures of  a couple fucking on a lifeguard chair online that are of questionable quality, please link us. We’d like copies.

Quarter 3 2013: Top 10 Sex Blogs

top10Our reviews are based off a database which keeps track of various categories:   Media, Originality, Updates, Variations, Entertainment, and a few other categories which will remain unpublished.  We have a few trusted friends and fellow authors helping us rate each blog submitted.  We then calculate and review the top 10 blogs in the database.    Yes, we have an actual system.  However, our system is still just our opinions.  No blog listed below will be eligible for another Top 10 list until the end of the year Annual Top Blogs list (the only blogs eligible for the ‘year-end Top 10 list’ must be a previous quarter listee of that same year, and must have our top 10 logo displayed somewhere on their website we can see).

This quarter we added another element to our blog criteria: Twitter accounts.  I was surprised to find so many sex blogs out there without a Twitter account.  Twitter allows you to talk to your readers, provide instant feedback, updates, and events.  If you pride yourself in being a 21st century blogger, you have to offer the means in which you can keep contact with your readers.  Here we present our top 10 blogs of the second quarter of 2013: (twitter / blog url)

Honorable mention:

“I Married A Sex God”-  (I Married A Sex God)
This blog made my list as an honorable mention because she has no twitter.  I love her articles and her attitude.   I also just find her blog outright entertaining, from her ESP to her wolf-like Sex God of a Husband.   The blog is a great read and it shows you the insight of a woman who refuses to tame her wild sexual wolf of a husband.

10. @nerve (Nerve)
I love seeing other people’s confessions.  I don’t know if they belong to the composer or even if they’re true or not.  The fact that there is at least one person out there who can relate to your secret makes you feel less lonely and discriminated against. Confession of the day: “I recently started dating again.  It’s funny how I do things different nowadays.  For instance, I wash my balls extra thorough.”

9.  @PornConfessions (Confessions Of A Porn Store Owner)
Porn Confessions keeps me thoroughly entertained with real, horrifying Craigslist ads, complete with screenshots of the alleged perpetrators. “Just a nice clean in shape guy looking for companionship willing to pay for dinner and a movie for a good night out. The only thing I ask is that you are not overweight.  Call me shallow if you want. I’m just looking for a date. Its my birthday.” See Craigslist Confessions.

8. @NatiraDarius (Diary Of An Owned Slave)
I am unfamiliar with the Master/slave (M/s) lifestyle.  I never took the time to understand it, so upon entering Anastassia’s blog, one of my first tasks was to read the “Procolomation of Servitude.” Anastassia’s beautifully-written oath to her Master is fascinating and something to respect, even if you’re unfamiliar with servitude.  Her site reads like a sex diary interspersed with daily musings and real life situations.

7. @remittancegirl (Remittance Girl)
Remittance Girl has a way with words that make me (yes, me!) feel simultaneously dirty, sexy, and aroused. With a delicious opening line like “His thick, inked arm felt like a fleshy cage, trapping her in the bed” from Sorry This Number Is No Longer In Service which connotes strength, bad boy, overpowering, and animalistic brute, one can’t help but to continue reading about this eloquently-written sexual experience.

6. @AnalAmy (Anal Amy)
If I see anything with “anal” in it, you’ve already caught my attention. Per her bio, she was given her namesake in high school.  Admittedly, if, as a high schooler, I’d known a girl who loved anal, I would think she was nasty.  Today, I’m envious, I’m curious, and I want to give her a high five for figuring out that every guy loves it. EVERY guy. If you’re a guy who denies it, you’re probably not getting it.  Check out The First Guy To Lick My Ass, an erotic tale of the first guy who licked her ass, which of course, led to a steamy anal session.

5. @Bambi_Kiss (Girl Uninterrupted)
What I like about this blog is the various ways in which she presents her thoughts to her readers.  Expect frank confessionals, an erotic photo, or something that reads like a naughty poem (see The Thin Line ).  This variety helps to keep my interest rather than having to see a picture with no background or a story with no visual accompaniment, both of which I can appreciate on their own.

4. @blogdangerously (Blogging Dangerously)
Sex blogging isn’t necessarily about sex, but the person who envelopes and shares your sex life.  “Kit” writes about her relationship with her husband, who is a key person in her blog, naturally.  She’s not explicit or graphic in her writing, but I can related to the emotional bonding she has with him. She focuses on her connection with him and their family, which are just as important as maintaining a healthy life in and out of the bedroom (see Husband).

3. @suggestive (Suggestive Tongue)
Lorelei is a Psychology college student who specilizaes in Gender, Sexuality, and Queer studies. Knowing that, I couldn’t wait to see her thoughts on the woman who said she couldn’t marry her man unless she made 300 sandwiches for him.  She writes, “If I were to break down a stragner’s relationship and were to find a series of disrespect, minimizing feelings, an imbalance of care or affection, a lack of trust or empathy, or straight out physical or emotional abuse, for instance, I would view that as a “wrong” relationship.”  Some people will agree with her, other won’t. Judge for yourself: Is There A Wrong Way To Date.

2. @msnaughty (Ms Naughty)
Ms. Naughty is not your run-of-the-mill sex blogger.  She’s done things, she’s been places, and I consider her knowledge (of breadth and depth) to be a breath of fresh air.  See Aspiring Male Porn Performers. Her advice is real and to the point. “Could you, potential straight male porn star, get hard and jerk off in front of a group of other men you don’t know – say, several large bearded members of a motorcycle club – then come on cue and then do it again ten minutes later? If that sounds difficult, you might want to reconsider your ambitions. (If it sounds easy, you might want to consider your sexual orientation)”

1.  @CarrieAnn_ (View From The Floor)
Have you visited Carrie Ann’s blog? Her mind is sharp and her tongue is even sharper.  Since discovering her blog, I found myself totally engrossed with her posts and don’t-give-a-fuck attitude.  I invite you to read this: Sex Positive Hypocrite, for a perfect example.  She’s so damn amazing.

Logo url below:
http://sexblogging.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Top10.png