A Real Couple Blogging About Sex, Life, and Everything In Between +

November 21, 2018

Q&A: Recently my boyfriend found out sex occasionally hurts me.

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Recently my boyfriend found out sex occasionally hurts me 

Recently my boyfriend found out sex occasionally hurts me. It’s not all the time but when it happens its usually for a very short time in the beginning and/or towards the end of rougher sex (especially if it goes on longer than like 10 minutes). I didn’t tell him earlier because it’s normal for me (happened with my previous partner too) and I didn’t think the pain was worth making him stop. It came out during a slightly drunk conversation a few weeks ago, so now he knows. He said he doesn’t want to hurt me and asked me to tell him if it hurts in the future.

Since our conversation I’ve experienced pain (beyond just being kind of sore) five times and each time I let him know. He stopped every time but seemed a little upset about it. He has never been mean and after a few minutes asked if I was okay each time we stopped but I could tell he was frustrated initially (maybe disappointed too?). I’m concerned this is ruining sex for him.

I’m wondering if he really wants to know when it hurts or if he just asked me to tell him because he felt like he had to? Would it be wrong not to tell him when I’m pain? I’m inclined to think keeping it to myself will ultimately make him happier.

Venice’s response: Sex hurts me
I once read about something called “Sexual Frigidity.” I’m not a doctor, but just reading the definitions online, it seems that SF can range from the inability to achieve orgasm (anorgamsmia) by physical means (heat/cold intolerance), drug-induced anorgamsmia (nicotine, drugs, etc.), or just aversion to intercourse (including a mental block and wanting to stop). 

Now, from personal experience, the pain I feel is always temporary and the reasons I feel it is caused by different reasons. Maybe I’m about to start on my period, maybe my husband’s dick is too hard (I rate hardness in terms of percentages where 85% is ideal and 100% is the moment just before he orgasms and it’s rock hard), maybe the angle isn’t ideal (while being at 95%)…there are so many factors!

Once I feel this pain (and I always feel it), I am more likely to “clench up” and wiggle my body in a way to keep him out of me. That is my own frigidity at work. But once I realize what is going on, I don’t tell him to stop. I tell him to work it slow and deep, I change positions until my body gets used to a dick being in me at that moment, I play with myself. Basically, I do NOT tell him to stop, but find ways to keep the sexual momentum going until the pain I initially feel is gone.

This pain really is temporary for me, but it feels so good. Mentally, I love knowing my insides get stretched and worked; I love knowing I have a big dick that makes me ache and throb; I love knowing my man can pound me and even if it hurts at first, the pains of having a big dick is better than the pains of having a little dick. Sex hurts me.

Ryan’s response: Sex hurts me
The question and Venice’s response sounds a bit scary for me.  Personally I do not like pain during sex.  My only experience is when Venice uses her finger inside me during blow jobs or hand jobs.  Although it feels great once in there, the initial penetration and exit, always make me whine. The pain doesn’t feel good, nor do I like it.  I think that is part of why men love women, they are so fragile physically, yet their vaginas are so powerful and tolerant.  They do so much for us with their bodies and take all our stress and muscle inside them as part of their every day life.  We literally use our dicks to stab their insides and murder their pussies, getting rid of all our stress, and they lay there happy, tolerating, and in love with us.  It’s so endearing. Sex hurts me.

November 13, 2018

Sex and Toast – A Helpful Analogy for your Love Life?

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Sex and Toast

I heard a pretty good analogy the other day and figured I would share it.  Although Venice and I eat and cook whatever we like these days, there was a time when I was also just eating toast with her.  And anything that wasn’t toast, even if it was tasty and sweet, we had always been told it was bad for us, would make us gain weight and possibly ugly to everyone else.  We were both conditioned to eat safe and healthy, and toast was just that.    Now, before I get into the analogy, I will say over the years I have heard sex compared to various things.  I believe the first comparison to food I ever saw, was to cereal.  A man that wasn’t married compared married to eating the same cereal each day.  He may have been a comedian, I was young. He bragged about there being so many different flavors of cereal on the shelves, why would he choose to eat one forever?   I also heard an analogy from a swinging couple that compared vanilla sex to vanilla ice cream.  Sometimes they just wanted neapolitan ice cream.  And after they ate neapolitan ice cream together, vanilla just tastes so much better.

Anyway, analogies are a great way to communicate in a relationship.  They have always worked for me.  If you can find an emotional connection to something your partner loves, and compare it to something you love, it may help them understand what you are going through.  Below is a good example of a that.

Continue Reading Sex and Toast – A Helpful Analogy for your Love Life?

November 7, 2018

I’ve been banned for trolling because of my ideas about Sex on my Period

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Sex on my Period

As weird as it may sound, I have been banned from marriage forums because of my lifestyle, my ideas about sex, or how I believe relationships work.  I guess I can understand why.  A lot of these marriage websites preach ideas about monogamy, so I already do not fit in.  The fact I allow other women in our bedroom with me and my husband is already breaking a few marriage rules.   However, my ideas about sex on my period wasn’t something I thought was out of the ordinary or so unbelievable that I would be banned and called a troll.

First, let me remind you of how much I love my cycle.  To have a period is a blessing. It’s beautiful. It’s Mother Nature telling you, “You can have children now.” It means legacy. I love my period. I embrace it every month. I look forward to it and everything that comes with it – good and bad. When I tell my husband that I want him to fuck me on my period, I’m not trying to disgust him. I’m not doing it as punishment or revenge. I do it because he is the only person in the world who deserves to mix fluids with me. How can I not love feeling a hard dick easily slide inside me because of my heavy flow of blood.  I love feeling the wetness beneath me, the red smearing between our bodies.  Nothing turns me on more than soaking his lap, his man bush, his balls, his stomach, with my blood and egg.  To me this is equivalent to his cum dripping all over my body.  His semen is one half of procreation, my egg is the other half.  He isn’t using his millions of sperm to make babies, we are done with that.  So in other words, his little “eggs’ are in his body swimming around waiting to be released for no other reason other than they want to explore the world, my vagina, my back, my face, my throat, and my ass.  Lucky little guys!  Well, my egg is also waiting to be released.  And when I release it, I like to cover my man’s body in it.  I want to ride him on a heavy day and let my fluids pour out all over him.  And much like men want to see how we react to the release of their semen, I like to see him react to release of my blood and egg.  So much so, that I will get off him, grab my phone and demand he stroke himself in my fluids while I take pictures of his body and dick soaked in my menstrual cycle.  I’d upload the pictures, but I’d probably be banned from the internet!

Is that weird?  lol   Okay, maybe I deserved to be banned! Sex On My Period

October 31, 2018

Q&A: How can I get my boyfriend to understand I can’t do anal because it hurts

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I can’t do anal because it hurts.

I’m all for being open minded and doing things to please my partner but I just cannot tolerate anal. It hurts… BADLY. There was one occasion where I stuck it out and he managed to get about halfway in and thrust maybe a handful of times before I was crying and he stopped, that’s the farthest we’ve ever gone (and I bled for two days afterward). Even small toys hurt back there, I can’t do it.

I’ve told him I feel bad that I can’t please him that way. I’ve told him how much it hurts. He’s felt my body trembling from pain, he’s seen me cry from it, he knows I’ve had so many bad reactions that the subject of anal gives me anxiety. But he still tries, a month or two go by and he’s trying to penetrate me back there with a finger, his dick or a toy. I ask him to stop and he tells me to let him try, he tells me it’ll be different, he’s even given me guilt trips by asking things like “can’t you try one more time for me?”

How do I make it clear that I’m done trying? I can’t take it. Maybe that makes me a terrible girlfriend or sex partner but I can’t do it, it hurts too much.

Venice’s response to anal hurts
If you bled for two days after trying anal with a toy, that sounds pretty bad. But believe it or not, it’s not that uncommon (but also not good), and judging from experience, it may have been caused by a several things. Little / Not enough lubrication – sometimes when the sphincter is lubricated, but not inside beyond it or around it, anything that is inserted (penis or toy) can get pulled in and cause tears.  “Tensing up” – if you and your body/mind (including ass muscles) are not receptive to anal, you will clench and make penetration painful. Communication – as long as you’ve tried, and you said you did, that is a positive step. But making you feel bad will make you hate anal even more.  Talk about it beforehand; if he tells you that he wants to try anal moments before sex, then you’ve both failed. The only way you can make anal sex pleasing to you is if you are willing and ready to do it. And of course, there has to be some prep on his part. He should lick your ass, tongue-fuck it, and suck your rim.  All those things will show you that your ass is an area for pleasure, not pain. Anal sex hurts at first. When I have anal sex, my orgasms are better – they’re more sustained because my clit doesn’t get sensitive. I can have multiple orgasms, and they’re brought upon faster because the pressure and more intense feeling of this hidden erogenous zone. 

Ryan’s response to anal hurts
Short answer:  If he doesn’t understand that anal hurts, clone his dick with a clone-a-willy and fuck him with his own penis until he bleeds.  See how he likes that.  I hated it and learned to go slow and easy the hard way!  Literally.  If he is pressuring you to try something during actual sex, he may not be the type of man you want to invest more of your time with.  A good boyfriend will respect your wishes.  The worst time to communicate about sex is during actual sex.  Sit him down and talk to him about your feelings when neither of you are horny or caught up in the moment.  Specifically him.  Most importantly, if you are bleeding during anal sex, he isn’t doing it right to begin with.  You should never be bleeding during anal sex, ever.  He shouldn’t be asking you to do anything that he has no idea how to do to begin with.  

Compromise answer:  Maybe an answer most people disagree with, but relationships are about communication and compromise.  Set a date, maybe his birthday, that you will be open to try new things with him, as long as he lubricates properly, goes slow, and stops when you ask him to stop. Trying something once a year wouldn’t be a bad idea for all couples.  Maybe something you didn’t enjoy last year, will be much better this year, especially because it is planned out properly. Our bodies change.  Our tolerance changes.  And even our tastes change.  Maybe having a date that you can mentally prepare for will help you.  Spontaneous anal, especially when it hurts your feelings he asks you after you have expressed to him you don’t want it, will never be a pleasant experience.  Ever.  I have no doubt in my mind that the one thing that makes anal pleasant, above all, is having a positive attitude about what is happening, what you are giving him, and embracing the sensations. That goes for any sexual activity.  I am pretty sure all of us naturally do not like the sensation of something going up our anus.  But because of our attitude, our willingness to experience various sensations our partner can give us, we turn that weird sensation into something positive.   And if we know it won’t happen for another whole year, it’s easy to be enthusiastic and enjoy yourself.  Worrying that if you like it or try to enjoy yourself, he may want anal much more and you will have to bite the sheets every night, seems to be a big fear with women.  So they shut down.

Long answer:  Would you prefer he just never asked again?  I don’t agree with the idea of “Never ask me again because my answer will never change.”  That isn’t how communication works.  I am guilty of the same thing your boyfriend does, but not exactly.   I wouldn’t put pressure on Venice during sex.  However, I would talk or text Venice during the day and ask her if we could try anal that night.  When we first met, she was open to anal and told me I could have any hole I wanted on her body, whenever I wanted.  It’s so easy to be open to everything, when you are so in love and everything is perfect.  As the endorphins and high from our new love wore off, she made it very clear she did not enjoy anal anymore.  It hurt.  I can still remember the car ride where she laid it out in plain English for me, “I will never enjoy anal, no matter what.  It’s the one thing in this world I will never like doing. If you want to do it, do it, but just know it will never feel good to me.”   I believe this is when we made a compromise that it would be something we try on my birthday only.  However, on my birthday I would feel so guilty because I knew she hated it, I would ask her to play with her massage wand on her clit while I slowly work my penis inside her.  Sometimes I would just stick my head in only while she played with herself, worried putting myself all the way in her would be totally unpleasant for her.  In the end, because it was my birthday she would be open and positive, she would openly tell me she had the most intense orgasms she had ever felt. Saying that had risks.  Like maybe I would suggest we do it more than once a year.  She made sure to let me know, “The orgasms were good, but I still hate anal.”

This issue became more of a tug-of-war, rather than something she really hated.  She hated that I wanted something she expressed to me that she didn’t want.  She hated that I would still ask her to have anal sex with me when she told me she wasn’t into it.  She hated the idea that if she told me it felt good, I would want it more from her.  And although I do not have the answer to a woman changing her perception on anal, I do know that with time and life experiences, we change.  Anal sex is now a part of our normal sex life and Venice has all of her best orgasms during anal.  Sometimes she will use my dick in her ass just to feel the sensations she needs to have more intense orgasms, but once she cums, I stop because I had already came earlier or don’t want to ruin her moment.  She went from hating it with a passion, to needing it to get off and have more enjoyable orgasms.  Like I said, people change.  Keep an open mind and don’t get offended because he asks you to try something that you feel you already made clear to him you aren’t interested in.  Your answer isn’t a life long response he should respect and never mention again.  That’s not how healthy relationships and good communication work.

October 24, 2018

Misconceptions You Had About Sex When You Were Younger

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Misconceptions you had about sex as a kid.

From the birds and bees, to that dang stork that would magically drop off your new brother 9 months after your dad came home drunk and him and your mother had a screaming contest in the locked bedroom!  As a young child hitting puberty, there isn’t anything more mysterious about sex, especially before we had the internet.  There were no quick answers and sex blogs.  

Shea Curry, actress and blogger at Shameless Mama
“When I was little, I thought that if I pumped my hands together 20 times a night my boobs would grow. I did this a solid two years in the hopes of becoming at least a B cup like my mom. To my disappointment, I’ve barely been an A cup my whole life. Sigh…” 

Venice:  I had no idea that breasts were made of fatty tissue and the size wasn’t something you could control.  I thought it was muscle and if I would exercise, they would grow.  I remember doing push ups and bench pressing the bar thinking I would get so much muscle I would give Dolly Parton a run for her money!  Boy was I wrong.

Ryan:  I didn’t know how to masturbate. I have already made a blog about prone masturbation.  I thought rubbing my body back and forth on a pillow was how everyone masturbated.  I didn’t know anything about using my hands, jacking off, or any other techniques.  I just laid on the floor prone and moved my hips until it tickled and I wet myself.  I remember doing this at such an early age that when it tickled (later I find out I was having an orgasm), nothing came out.  It wouldn’t be until I was an adult and with Venice, that I would jack off for the first time.  She taught me how to do it properly.  How weird is that?

Dan Perlman, comedian
“When I was a kid, my friend’s older brother told us ― that’s where 90 percent of misinformation comes, a friend’s older brother ― that sex was ‘kissing while you’re naked in the shower.’ I’m not sure where he got that from, or how he justified the shower as an essential part, but yeah, I switched from baths to showers after that so I’d be one step closer.” 

Ryan:  When I first had sex, I didn’t have any idea that you couldn’t use soap or shampoo as lube.   The good part is, I didn’t think the vagina needed lube, so I didn’t accidentally destroy Venice’s insides with my inexperience.  The bad part is, we did try to anal and I knew that I would need lube for that.  Venice ran up the wall screaming.   One, we were standing.  Two, we were using soap as lube.  Three, for two people totally inexperienced, there was no way I was getting my dick in her ass.  Not like that.  To think back, had I actually been able to penetrate, I don’t think there would have been anything worse than her ripped anus with soap being used as lube.  

Ryan:  Speaking of burning.  I once sprayed cologne on my balls because I wanted to make sure I smelled amazing.  Little did I know, the skin around my balls is so sensitive and anything like alcohol touching it would burn worse than anything I had ever felt in my life.  I jumped so fast into a cold bath.  I had no idea that my ball skin was totally different than the rest of my body.

Julie Krafchick, creator and producer of the “Date/able” podcast
“My parents told me that a stork delivered me, and I think I believed them well into middle school.” 

Ryan:  I didn’t know a woman had a “bottom” of her vagina.  For some reason I thought I would just be able to have sex and the walls would feel warm and tight.  The last thing I ever thought about was that a vagina is only so big and your penis can rub the bottom of her hole.  For months I would have sex with Venice and be in awe that a woman’s body had limits.  Not sure why I didn’t know this.

Venice:  I didn’t realize this until I had sex either.  You do not know the sensations until you feel a penis for the first time, but the pressure deep inside, the bladder and back walls being pushed, was the weirdest sensation for me.  It wasn’t like my fingers I had used at all.  Later in life, that weird bottom sensation is what makes me orgasm through penetration.  Not my g-spot, or my shallow lips, its that deep pressure.

Ebony Kenney, blogger at Magic, Sex and Coffee 
“I thought if I was in a hot tub the same time as a boy, I would get pregnant. Not having sex or anything like that. Just actually sitting. And on top of that, I just knew if there was a better ratio of girls to boys, it would decrease my odds of getting pregnant. I never got in a hot tub alone with a boy, because, you know — math.” 

Venice:  When I was younger I accidentally saw my older male cousin using the bathroom standing up from behind.  I didn’t know why he was standing up and didn’t know we had different body parts.  So the next time I went to the bathroom I stood up and peed all over myself.  For years I didn’t know how my cousin peed while standing.  Oh, he had a dang water hose connected to his hips!

David Drake, comedian
“There was a rumor going around middle school that yellow 5 (the food coloring in yellow Gatorade, Mountain Dew, etc.) shrank your penis. I was worried about that, so I never drank anything yellow. A large part of me still believes this today.” 

Ryan:  The myth of yellow 5.  I was so addicted to Mt. Dew I just didn’t care.  I was totally okay with accepting my fate as having a tiny penis, because I wasn’t giving up Mt. Dew.  I can confirm, this was definitely a myth.

Venice:  Speaking of random sex myths (New Kids on The Block going to ER swallowing pints of cum — which later turned to Lil Kim), I remember hearing Marilyn Manson cut out one of his ribs to be able to give himself oral sex.   I remember sitting there in shock like….

… so how many ribs would I need to get rid of to give myself oral sex?   Hah!!

Nathan Timmel, comedian and author of Hey Buddy… 
“When I was a kiddo, my parents would try and find an activity for me to do so they could have ‘alone time.’ Eventually, I figured out what they were doing behind the closed bedroom door, and over time, I noticed that no noise ever came from the bedroom. So I began to think sex was a silent event. Imagine my surprise when I was deflowered, and the woman I was with began expressing herself audibly.”

Ryan:  I thought that having sex was just getting on top of a girl and going up and down.  I didn’t realize you had to penetrate, move up inside a person, and do that until you ejaculated.  I thought you just “hump” up and down until you both said you had sex, and made mud pies together afterwards.

Venice:  I thought that a guy peeing was the same thing as his semen.  I didn’t know there was a difference and I was fully prepared for a guy to hump me, pee inside me, and get me pregnant.  Little did I know, Ryan and I would do this for fun years later.  Haven’t gotten pregnant from it yet though!

Kate Cartia, blogger at As Kate Would Have It
“Watching soap operas when I was home sick from school led me to believe that you 100 percent had to wear a silk nightgown while having sex. When I found out you could totally opt into being naked (or not, you do you), I. Was. Shaken.” 

Venice:  I didn’t know that I had a vaginal canal and a urethra.  I just literally thought everything came from the same place!

Ryan:   Me too!  I thought that a girl peed through the same hole that I had sex with.  I had no idea that the vagina was so complicated and it had a small hole (urethra) at the entrance of her vagina.  

Angela Spera, host of “This Is Why You’re Single” podcast
“I thought a bong was a penis pump until probably high school. Let me explain: When I was 9, I saw ‘Austin Powers,’ which, as you might remember, featured a penis pump. One day not long after seeing this classic bit of cinema, I was with my friends at recess when we stumbled upon a bong on the playground. In my warped child mind, it looked just like the penis pump from the movie! How did I think it worked? Well, the entry point should seem obvious, and I figured you used the mouthpiece to pump it. Being the narc that I was, I ran over to a teacher and told them I found ‘something bad.’ The teacher’s reaction confirmed it for me. It was definitely something grown men were sticking their dicks into.”

Ryan: I remember the first time I heard someone say they had hair on their anus I panicked.  I thought that was the most weird thing I had ever heard of.  How does a person have hair on their anus?  Years later, I now find it attractive and nothing turns me on more than Venice rolling me over and licking my hairy anus.  For the record, I shaved for 20 years before I finally gave in to the idea that it felt good to be natural and manly.  It probably took me so long to accept it because of how weird I thought it was when I first heard someone talk about hair on and around the anus.   

Anthony Bonazzo, comedian and actor
“When I was really young, like 13, my Italian neighbor Fabio once told me and my friends that if you have sex with a woman too hard you could get her pregnant. I knew that there was no way this could be true, but I planned on being very gentle when I finally did have sex just to be safe. Sadly, that didn’t happen for a long time.”

Ryan: Until I met Venice, I thought getting my dick sucked actually meant I was going to have a girl sit there and suck on my penis, like giving it a hickie.    Rather than a girl using her hands, the lips sliding up and down, and licking the penis, I just thought it was a girl just purely sucking and using hour mouth to create endless suction.  I didn’t think I would ever cum from getting my dick sucked because it didn’t really make sense to me.  I found out later, it was more of an expression that meant a woman using her mouth on your penis.  Btw, Venice has never given my penis head a hickie.  

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