Category: Question & Answer

So basically my gf isnt great at giving bj’s. She can deepthroat and gag but it never ends in climax. Most times after she deepthroats and gags she feels the need to blow her nose or take a couple seconds break. This kills the momentum for me and i just end up going down a little eventually.

I have tried telling her what i like, and she has improved slightly but shes still persistent with her mentality of “im never gonna make you cum like that, i cant do it for that long, its tiring). Basically it never feels like she WANTS to make me cum, she just gives the bj because i ask for it.

Let me point out i have climaxed while recieving oral before. Doesnt take that long even, say 6-7 mins. But my gf cant seem to “suck” right(she says im big so its hard to get suction). We even tried for her to stick her tongue out a little from underneath and that does make it feel better but she says its very uncomfortable. It just feels like usually me sticking my dick into a box; nothing. I dont feel suction, wetness from her tongue or her throat.

Am i doing something wrong? is she just a girl that will always be bad at giving blowjobs?

Venice’s response:

First, the question is a bit unclear to me.  It seems like you are saying she has made you cum in six to seven minutes, but you are trying to cum through deepthroat?  Six to seven minutes for you to cum is pretty impressive if you ask me. It doesn’t seem to me that you’re doing something wrong, especially if her blowjobs end in an orgasm.  From what you’ve described, you want her to progress in her methods, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  The longer you’re with each other, the more you’ll want to change things up. It’s like trying a new recipe – even though you try new foods, the end result is always a full stomach.

I think it’s unfair to say that she just “a girl that will always be bad at giving blowjobs.”  It’s not even solely the communication because it seems that you express to her what you want, and in return, she gives you excuses as to why she can’t do them.

I’ve used some of those same excuses myself, so let me say in her defense, that when you’re used to doing things for so long, it can be difficult to adjust. Additionally, it’s not enough for her to follow every single suggestion you make because it’s also how receptive she is these same suggestions.  Try working on one method at a time, like, for example, improving the “couple seconds break” where you abandon the dick to rest your hands or catch your breath.  I know about this (haha), but I’ve learned that in those few seconds I can catch my breath, adjust my arm/elbow/neck position, and still keep steady friction on his penis.   I continue to stroke his dick and talk dirty to keep, as you say, the momentum.  I’ve learned, those little breaks, basically reset the action and throw off his orgasms.

Once you both believe she’s overcome the couple seconds break and is no longer hindered by it, you can move on to the next obstacle, whatever that may be.

Ryan’s response:

First, if you are being deepthroated and you feel your cock go down her throat, but you do not feel her teeth tearing your dick apart, you are not too big.  If I get too erect, although Venice can still technically deepthroat, I can feel the back of her teeth scratching very hard against my cock (as my dick goes down her throat). Enough so, there have been times we will both agree it’s one of those days my dick belongs in her vagina.  Although not really talked about, the penis can greatly vary in sizes day by day.

You’re definitely not doing anything wrong.  It sounds like you are being open and honest, and that’s a good start.  Some women care about giving good blow jobs, some care but are clumsy as hell and can’t help it, some find it embarrassing to try hard, some find it belittling but still do it to make their man happy, and some just flat out hate doing it.

Everything you described above was pretty close to Venice when we first met.  However, we were just teenagers.  In fact, even into our 20s she didn’t change much.  Why would she?  When I was a teenager I was just happy seeing a girl put her lips on my dick.  I remember thinking I’d never have a girl like me enough to want to put her mouth on penis.  I mean, I didn’t care about suction, rhythm, deepthroating, or hand techniques.  In fact, I told Venice at one point that I thought a man asking a girl to swallow was disrespectful and I’d never wanted to disrespect her.  Although she disagreed and demanded that I cum in her mouth, I was young minded.

But it only took once.  Once I was swallowed, I was never satisfied again if Venice spit me out.  It became the ultimate form of intimacy for me, and made me feel something I didn’t know a person could feel.   However, I still felt bad because I was worried about how bad it tasted, or the idea that I was a bad person to expect another human to swallow my body fluids when I ejaculate.   It was a mix of the alpha in me wanting to let my cum gush down her throat and hold her head against my crotch until she was forced to swallow every drop, and the beta, a good guy that felt swallowing was gross and a woman shouldn’t be treated like that.  Not that the beta in me was wrong, because out of the bedroom I am still working on my beta side.  However, in the bedroom, with the doors closed, there is no room for a beta and this is when a man needs to be a man. Venice eventually understood this and embraced her role as the total woman in the bedroom.

Although that is off topic, the point is, young minds aren’t mature enough to understand the role of sex in a relationship.  A person may never truly understand why a great blowjob is so important.  Because Venice started sucking my dick at a young age, she never had reason to improve.  In fact, she had no reason at all to even give me oral sex.  She also did things with little enthusiasm because she knew it took me 30 to 40 minutes to orgasm through blowjobs.  In other words, she preferred to have sex.

As a man, I don’t feel there was anything I could do to make Venice give me better blowjobs.  Like you, throughout the years I asked for enthusiasm, different techniques, and wanted to cum through oral sex more.  Maybe for a day or so she would try hard, but she would then immediately revert back to her old self.  It wasn’t her fault, it’s just hard to change your way of thinking.  I also felt that if she tried hard, or mocked what she saw in different porns, she was worried about looking “silly.”  Like, I remember her asking, “Why would I moan?  It doesn’t feel good to me and there is no reason to moan.”  Although I wanted to hear her enthused, she didn’t want to leave her comfort zone and possibly embarrass herself.  I wish I had advice on what I did or said to make Venice change, but truthfully, I didn’t do anything.  As she got older, she went through her own changes and became more of a woman.  She went from priding herself in being reserved, to priding herself in paralyzing me with oral sex.  She went from running to the bathroom to spit out my semen, to squeezing my dick as hard as she could to get every single drop of cum out and in her mouth to swallow.  And although she once had a hair-trigger gag reflex, she learned to deepthroat, face fuck, and get me off with oral sex in minutes.  This was just a few of many changes.  The only catalyst I can relate this change to was a death in the family.  Someone we were very close with passed away, and from there a lot of things changed.  She became less reserved and more about living life the way she wanted to live life, even if that meant embarrassing herself sucking dick like a porn star, coming out to her family about being bisexual, and wanting more anal sex.   By the way ladies, the more silly and crazy you look sucking dick, the more crazy sounds you make, the sexier you are to us.  It sounds dumb but there really isn’t much in life more beautiful than seeing a girl worship your cock.  I look down and see the most gorgeous person ever.

Now, I wouldn’t suggest going to kill a family member to get better blowjobs.  However, keep communicating and maybe she will decide to hit that inner switch that makes her more of a woman.  Unfortunately, there is nothing I know of that you can do, to really make a woman appreciate you except leave or threaten to leave.   Maybe that will turn on the switch and make her realize you want a woman, not a little girl.  This is a decision she has to make.  Your only decision is, do you want to spend more time with a female that can’t physically please you the way you want.