After I looked up a word on my dictionary.com app, it redirected me to a commercial for I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter. Even if you don’t use this brand of butter, which I do not, you still know what this is. To me, I know it for cheesy commercials with male 80s/90s model Fabio. The name itself is a joke, so having Fabio as a spokesperson for them is simply genius. But now, it looks like ICBINB has changed its tune and is forcing its consumers to take them more seriously. Apparently, they’ve got a new simplified recipe with no preservatives and containing the “good fats” etc. etc. etc. That’s not the point. The new commercial does not have a long-haired Italian blonde man with an accent so thick it’s comical. Instead, it has a new revamped version of a dark-haired, bearded muscular American chef who looks like Kahl Drogo from “The Game of Thrones.” Within seconds of the new ad, ICBINB is taking a more serious, seductive stance with their new campaign. Let me break down the 30-second pornmmercial.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=1y4mBu8tOSs%3Ffs%3D1
0:01 — Opening scene: A magical poof of flour is thrown onto the table at what looks like to be a renaissance fair, but with aprons and toques instead of armor and swords. Flour dust – if you listen close, each grain that hits the chopping board makes the sound of a unsuspecting pool boy being watched by a horny housewife.
A few Saturdays ago, Ryan was invited to watch UFC 182, Jon Jones v. Daniel Cormier, at his friend’s house. Because of a prior commitment with our little ones, I wasn’t able to go. This was a very highly anticipated fight for Ryan, so I told him to go and to call me if he got bored or if he wanted to say hi. The preliminary fights started at 7:00 p.m. and the house was an hour away. He was bringing drinks, so he knew he had to leave about 5:30 so that he can stop by the liquor store and get provisions.
Yesterday morning I walked into the bedroom and ask Venice if she wanted to go out for lunch. Venice excitedly said she did. I cleaned up and got dressed. As I came out of the bathroom I noticed Venice was still lying in bed. I told her that if she fell asleep I was going to teabag her. She laughed and said she wasn’t going to go to sleep. A few moments later she asked me to lay in the bed next to her for a second, she wanted to cuddle for a while before we left. I laid down in bed and she wrapped herself around me. I immediately felt my jeans unzipping. I am not wearing briefs so as soon as my zipper is down, she has a hold of my penis. She gripped it with both hands tightly while laying on my chest and said, “You aren’t teabagging me.”
Ryan: