Freaky Search Terms – watch his balls when he cums

ffst-300x200Freaky search terms, where we post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

10. penis plug steel with sex vagina. whats problem face ??
Ryan: Oh God, I didn’t miss this very much.
Venice: Can you believe the last one of these we did was in August?  That’s almost 4 months ago.
Ryan: There was a reason why we stopped you know.
Venice: I don’t like your attitude right now Ryan.
Ryan: No seriously, we stopped because the search words are either about husband’s sucking cock or some weird pedo stuff.  Why any of these keywords lead to our blog makes no sense at all.  For the record,  I am not bisexual.
Venice: Yea yea we know Ryan…
Ryan: And…
Venice: …whats problem face with you huh?
Venice: You like that?
Ryan: I saw what you did.
Venice: So you liked it?
Ryan: It was okay.  It was timed well and your delivery was good.
Venice: Whats the problem face??!?!?
Ryan: When you say that it sounds so sexy to me.  It sounds almost like you are a fresh off the boat Asian.  You think maybe tonight…
Venice:  Nope.  No more “I need my green card and I’m a  lost little Asian girl but for some reason I am taking off my clothes and on my knees sucking your dick moaning all funny sounding like your cock is leaking helium” fantasies for you Ryan.
Ryan: Dammit, that’s personal and private information woman.
Venice: Oh…you no likey my problem with face?

9. how can i make my eight years old orgasm
Venice: Oh yea, so that’s why we stopped doing these.
Ryan: Pretty much.
Venice: Searched 7 times?
Ryan: You’d think after the first 6 clicks they’d stop.
Venice: Sick.

Continue Reading Freaky Search Terms – watch his balls when he cums

Freaky Friday Search Terms – tiny penis & wet cunt blog

freakyfridayOn various Fridays we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

10. old man and young girl
Venice: That’s totally us, you know, since you’re older than me
Ryan: Um, yea, by a few weeks..!
Venice: That’s irrelevant. I like older men. You know this.
Ryan: We graduated high school together.
Venice: Shut up, old man.
Ryan: What?? I can’t hear you..

9. real sex old couples
Venice: What a coincidence. They searched for “real sex old couples” and they found us.
Ryan: What is that supposed to even mean?
Venice: Poor baby.  Easily confused.  Alzheimers.   Who knows what else.
Ryan: What does any of that have to do with this being a coincidence?
Venice: Ryan, don’t think so hard, I’m worried you may have a stroke or something.  Would you like me to make you a hot cup of Ensure?
Ryan: Stop already.  The random keywords people search for leading to our blog doesn’t  mean I am old. It’s just  stupid keywords that has nothing to do  with us.
Venice: It’s okay, I understand it’s hard to accept Ryan.  I trust Google over you.  That’s all I am saying.   And the fact I like older men, further proves them right.
Ryan: Google can suck my penis and floss with my grey pubic hairs for all I care.
Venice: Dementia is setting in.

8. underage sex
So yea, what was you saying again?
 Fuck Google.  They can suck my pre-puberty titties for all I care.

7. old vagina
Venice: Yea, so these keywords are really stupid this week.
Ryan: What’s wrong Venice?  Old lady pampers in a bunch?
Venice: Don’t fuck around with a girl and her age or weight.  I will bite your fucking face off Ryan.
Ryan: Well, someone has sand in her vagina…old…the vagina is old that has sand in it but not you.  I am talking about another person’s old vagina that also is angry about Freaky Friday keywords and threatening to literally eat off their best friend’s face.
<Venice throws her sandal at Ryan>

6. tiny penis & wet cunt blog
Can I have my sandal back please?
Ryan: Nope.  Welcome to shoeless world.
Venice: Ryan, you know my feet are old and brittle, I don’t want to step on glass on accident.

We are in the bedroom, your feet are fine.
Ryan: Adding more letters to your please does not change my mind.
Venice: I’ll suck yo dick…
No more ammo for you, this war may not be over yet.  I may not be a smart man, but I’ve learned what the sandals are capable of.
Pretttty please?  If you give it back I will totally ignore this next keyword, which I believe has the term tiny penis in it.
Ryan: So yea, I definitely think we should make sure your feet stay warm.  I don’t want you to step on any sharp objects like glass or something.  Good point Venice.
Venice: Ahh, that’s so sweet.  See how just a tiny little bit of kindness goes a loooongggg…
Ryan: …awwww you said you wouldn’t do that!
Venice: Okay okay, do you love me though?
Ryan: Yes, you know I do. Let’s just bury the hatchet and move to the next keywords, okay?
Venice: Deal.

5. what are the statistics that mature women walk around in public with butt plugs
Ryan: I love scientific perverts.  Not just Googling for smut, but instead wanting to know the statistics of old ladies that like to walk around all day with big ass butt plugs in their granny panties.
Venice: Tiny penis and wet cunts…
Venice:  I had to pee this morning so I went into the bathroom.  I bent down and heard this loud clink sound.  I looked into the toilet and my butt plug fell into the water!
Ryan: Hahahaha.  Random.
Venice: Seriously.  I then had to make a decision.
Ryan: What? Not to wear your butt plug after you analed the night before because your ass is so loose it can whistle when you walk?
Venice: Even though that comment was pretty douchey, no.  I had to make a real decision.
Ryan: What?  I like hearing the Andy Griffith theme song when you walk by.
Venice: Anyway, I had to decide if I was going to try to flush the butt plug, take it out of the water and throw it away, or clean it off and take it home.
Ryan: Yea, that’s a tough decision.  So?
Venice: Flushed.
Ryan: Whaaaaaat!?  Bullshit.
Venice: I wasn’t going to dig it out.
Ryan: No way that thing flushed.
Venice: Big 300 pound men can drop a log and it flushes with no problems.  Trust me, that anal plug is headed to the big ocean in the sky.
Ryan: That would be funny if the next Nemo movie your butt plug is in the background.
Venice: Hah!  Also, tiny penises…

4. girl gets fast cum in ass
Venice: That doesn’t surprise me that they ended up here.
Ryan:  Uh…huh?   Are you saying that I cum fast when I fuck your ass?
Venice: I’m just saying that you’ve always said anal was an intense feeling.
Ryan: No, that wasn’t just what you were saying.
Venice: What was I just saying?
Ryan: You were suggesting that you weren’t surprised those search terms led to our blog.
Venice: Yea, because I cum super duper  fast when you’re in my ass.
<Venice looks away and scratches her neck.>
Ryan: Yea uh huh.  Maybe I’m just super duper excited to finish fast so I can hear the Andy Griffith theme song.
<Ryan rubs his forehead with his middle finger.>
Maybe it’s whistling because it’s extremely bored.
<Venice rubs her nose while making an L with her hand.>
Wow, really?
Venice: I love you.
Ryan:  Your love  isn’t a band-aid and I’ve been seriously wounded.
<Venice reaches up with her fingers to close Ryan’s eyes>
Venice: Just close your eyes Ryan, go to the light.  Let it go.  Just let it go Ryan…

3. beautiful penis
Venice: Before you start, yes, Ryan, your penis is beautiful.
Ryan: Do you mean beautiful in a “Brazilian supermodel” way or a “baby penis with angels smiling innocently in a Renaissance painting” way?
Venice: I mean I like how your veins envelope your penis.  I like the color and how the head is proportional and pretty. I like how it makes my cervix pop in a painful/pleasant way and makes me walk funny or  bleed all over the sheets the next day kind of way.
Ryan: Yea, those are all good answers, too.  But Brazilian supermodel beautiful or baby penis of love artistic beautiful?
Venice: You mean like a tiny penis?
Ryan: Come on.
Venice: What?
Venice: Okay, a Brazilian supermodel way.  <sighs>
Ryan: Yes!

2. الفيديو الجنسي في آسيا 
Venice: الفيديو الجنسي في آسيا؟
Ryan: أعتقد أنها ينبغي أن تكون أكثر تحديدا
Venice: بالضبط. لأن هناك العديد من البلدان الآسيوية
Ryan: أوه لا … هنا نذهب مرة أخرى
Venice: ماذا؟ هناك!

1. is it true that when a mans sperm is poured into a womans ass the ass will become bigger
Venice: This has an urban legend undertone to it.
Ryan: Yea, this is not the first time I’ve seen this searched.
Venice: This week alone I saw “womans ass bigger with semen,” “does a woman’s anus grow because of semen,” and “I came in my wife’s ass will it get larger”
Ryan: Who the hell wants to know this? I mean, semen has great properties, but to make a body part BIGGER? If that were the case I’d be rubbing my semen all over my cock every day as much as humanly possible.
Venice: Tiny penises all over the world would rejoice…
Ryan: …we had a fucking deal!?
Venice: Okay, give me a retry!
Ryan: The topic was about sperm having the ability to make things larger.
Venice: In that case my pussy would be as large as the planet Jupiter from all your cum that has been inside me.
Ryan: Wow, that was kind of hot.
Venice: Yea it was…


Freaky Friday Search Terms – JessTaKit

freakyfridayOn various Fridays we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

This week is a bit different from our previous weeks.  Instead of random crazy keywords, it’s a person’s name.   Each of these keywords was searched various times and apparently led to our site each time.  The problem is, it seems like the keyword is actually an ex-member’s alias and the searcher was none other than his wife.  I feel we are safe using the name jesstakit, because this was just a Twitter/random alias that no longer exists, and it had no real name associated with it.  Also, we will keep the email we received from jesstakit’s wife private.  The Google keywords though?  Public information and this Freaky Friday is a different type of freaky.

10. jesstakit friends
Venice: No big deal you know, just a concerned wife who just found out her husband’s secret moniker and decided to search the wonderful Internet for friends.
Ryan: Yea, nothing can go wrong searching the Internet for aliases.
Venice: Uh huh.
Ryan: I remember the guy, he was pretty friendly.   I’m sure she found a lot of results for this one.
Venice: Yea for sure.  She must have freaked out when the word “” returned as a top result.
Ryan: Naa, I just Googled his name and got the following: Soccermom, #Hotwife & #Escort, along with a lot of other not so flattering stuff.
 Yea, that isn’t good at all.

9. jesstakit chat
Venice: Again, just a concerned spouse checking up on her man.  No big deal.
Ryan: Yes, we are a clean wholesome site.  I can see why these results led to us.  We are known for our wonderful chats.
Venice: Yes, our traffic is swarming with insightful conversations and comments.  We’ve had to change servers various time because of the amount of delightful chat we get here.
Ryan: To be honest, he probably would read our blog at night, then leave our site,  make his wife a nice romantic dinner, play some mellow jazz…
Venice: …then pull out the butt plugs and inform his wife that semen in the anus is addictive and can create a higher sex drive.
Ryan: That sounds about right.  We’ve helped many couples.

8. i want jesstakit
Venice: Okay wait.  What?
Ryan: Yea, not really sure what’s going on here.  Why the fuck are we a result with this one?
Venice: I just checked.  Pretty much my twitter account is a result with every freaky term you can think of and the word jesstakit.
Ryan: You naughty girl.  You naughty, naughty girl.
Venice: What, me?  Noooooo.

7.  jesstakit hard cock
Venice: Hahahaha.
Ryan: It seems like his wife has went full on private investigator on him.
Venice: Please, for the love of the internet, don’t tell me we have a jesstakit fan picture of his penis with our website’s name written on it.
Ryan: Hah!  How crazy would that be.
Venice: I can’t believe she searched for this term various times and still ended up on our page.

6. jesstakit anal
Venice: Yea, I knew this one was coming.
Ryan: I’m. So. Ashamed.
Venice: Seriously, I feel like we just got sent to the principal’s office and he is reading our dirty letter out loud that the teacher caught me handing to you in math class.
Ryan: Ha!  You remember that?
Venice: “I want to eat your ass hole out.  Not just eat it out, I want to stick my tongue so far inside you that it gives you the feeling you have to use the bathroom…”
Ryan: Haha!  It wasn’t that big of a deal.
Venice: He showed my mom!

5. jesstakit gay
Ryan: Okay, wait.  This is just getting too weird.
Venice: Oh no, were just warming up here.
Ryan: This is bad.

4. jesstakit nice guy
Ryan: Okay, I’m done.  This is fucking outrageous.  We’re playing with peoples lives here!
Venice: Oh really Ryan?  That’s where you draw your line huh.  Nice guy?
Ryan: Yes dammit.  I’m a man, and he is my brother in arms.  It’s a man rule that you never throw your damn brother under the bus.  I’m stopping here.  This is NOT right.
Venice: Uh huh.  Way to watch your brother’s back Ryan.  We only have like 3 left.
Ryan: Viva la revolución.

That’s all for the freaky terms this week.  We’ve shown enough.

Venice: I think you guys get the point.  Some freaky things have happened since we started this blog.
Ryan: Angry boyfriends, private investigating wives, cock pictures with your face scratched into the head of the penis with a clothing pin.
Venice: Yea, just typical fan stuff.  It’s why I love blogging and sharing my thoughts with our readers.
Ryan: We should make like an iPhone game and call it Angry Boyfriends.
Venice: That would be neat. Maybe have like a stack of dildos making house shapes with different girls faces in the windows.
Ryan: Yea, and like, you shoot the Angry Boyfriends across the screen into the Dildo houses and try to free the girls faces.
Venice: Trademark!
Ryan: Copyright!



Freaky Friday Search Terms – small dicks don’t feel good because they poke the rectal walls

freakyfridayOn various Fridays we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

10. underage penis
Venice: Flagged!
Ryan: Expect a knock on your door at anytime.  Good work Agent V.

9. cumming at wrong time
Not possible…
Venice: Possible.
Ryan: At church?
Venice: At your child’s parent-teacher conference.
Ryan: Depends on the teacher, in my opinion.
Ryan: At Disney World on the Haunted Mansion ride?
Venice: No, you’re timing was great then.
Ryan: At work?
Venice: If so, you’ve failed many times. 
Ryan: Well, that is after work, big difference.  Technically the office becomes a bedroom when your co-workers leave. 
Venice:  Then explain the midday ‘sneak to the back’ copy room thing with all your co-workers definitely there…
Ryan: Was that a wrong time?
Venice: Not really. 
Ryan: So what are you saying then?
Venice: I guess there really isn’t a wrong time.   Well, except church.
Ryan: Well, technically we are married so it’s not like…
Venice: Stop.

8. xairu vagina foto
Ryan: hairy vagina photo!
Venice: Tell him what he won Chuck!
Ryan: Finally my hidden skill of deciphering one handed typing has paid off!

7. figure 8 deepthroat
Ryan: Yes please?
Venice: You’ve had it.
Ryan: Part of your blow job techniques article?
Venice: Uh huh…
Ryan: It’s my ballzheimers again.  Maybe you should help me remember?
Venice: Like, what, are you going to type your next comment as if its a narrator describing the scene or something?
[I slowly unzip my pants and pull my cock out]
Ryan: No, I am not corny like that.
[Venice gets down on her knees and begins to deepthroat me.  I grow in her mouth and wait to see if she can really figure 8 her throat as she deepthroats.  She can.]
Venice: Happy?
[I am]
Ryan: I am.

6. pictures of pussy before it grows hair
Ryan: da FBI willy youzes da googlez?
Venice: Yes they do Mr. Pussy before it grows hair guy!

 5. tweety bird cum
Venice: Flagged?
Ryan: I don’t know about that one.  Maybe the FBI will let this one slide.
Venice: PETA won’t.  Flagged.
 Ryan: Hahaha.

4. shaving vagina before interrogation
That’s what I always do…
Ryan: Yea, I’ve heard about how detectives will immediately check a woman’s vagina for hair to figure out if they committed a crime or have any information.
Venice: I want to let them know I have nothing to hide.
Ryan: So, in other words, you don’t want your pubic hairs to testify against you?
Venice: Yes, no telling when those curly bastards will say something incriminating.  Off with their heads!

3. my wafe laik big cock fuken
Ryan: my wife likes to fuck big cocks!
Venice: Seriously, that’s amazing.
Ryan: Thank you, I have been working on this hidden talent for years.
Venice: I bet. 

2. my dad swallowed my cum
Venice: Flagged!
Ryan: Relax Barney Fife. 
Venice: Flagged!
Ryan: Oh god, I have to get you a whistle or something to blow on.
Ryan:  Too easy?
Venice: Way too easy.

1. small dicks don’t feel good because they poke the rectal walls
Sounds fairly accurate in my opinion.
Ryan: Well, I bet her rectal walls don’t feel good either then!
Venice: Oh Ryan, are you white horsing for the small penises of the world again?
Ryan: I’d say I was white minature ponying for them, yes…
Venice: Captian SaveASmallDick
Ryan: Whatever.  I bet her rectal walls feel like shit anyway.
Venice: I see what you did there.

Freaky Friday Search Terms – cumming in ass while on steroids

freakyfridayOn various Fridays we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

10. could sperm increase the ass
Venice: My ass would be extremely increased.
Ryan: You do have a nice jungle booty for an Asian girl.
Venice: So sperm gives you that ghetto booty huh?  Oh black women, you’re dark dirty secret is out.
Ryan: That was racist.  Ghetto booty and dark dirty huh?
Venice: I blame Sir Mix-a-Lot and Lil Kim.

9. how to cum inside a womans ass
Ryan: Do you need a tutorial for this seriously?
Venice: I still get surprised by some of these search terms, especially the ones asking for instructions.
Ryan: Not to let the guy down, I’ll make it simple.  Insert your penis into a woman’s ass, then move back and forth until the friction makes your penis ejaculate.  Here is the tricky part, do not pull your penis out and shoot semen in your own face.
Venice: That’s the key here guys.  I’ve noticed a lot of you fellas end up splurging on your own faces.  Leave your penis inside of her anus please.
Ryan:  Exactly.  Then release.
Venice: Then wash.
Ryan: Then wash again.
Venice: I’m a bit scared that us clarifying that they need to leave their penis inside of the woman’s anus while they ejaculate may confuse them.  We emphasized staying inside them so much that they may not understand that it is safe to remove their penises after they ejaculate.   I feel our instructions are a bit incomplete.
Ryan: Well I didn’t tell them to remove their clothing prior to putting their penises inside of a woman’s anus.  What if they do all this with clothing on?
Venice: This worries me Ryan.
Ryan: Would you like me to add a step prior to washing?
Venice:  Please Ryan, for the sake of the readers who need these tutorials.
Ryan: First of all, before putting your penis inside of a woman’s ass, please find a willing woman and make sure you both remove all of your clothing.  This is an important step.
Venice: Very important.
Ryan: Okay, now after reading the steps above, please add these next steps prior to “Then wash.”  Once you release your semen, please make sure your penis is completely finished ejaculating.  After ejaculation, slowly remove your penis but do not look at it.  You may regret what you see.  Walk to the shower and place your penis under lukewarm water.  Do not place the penis under the water until it warms as the cold water may cause pain.  Grab a bar of soap and clean off your penis thoroughly.
Venice: Then get a towel and dry off.  Please put your clothing back on prior to going outside.
Ryan: I’m still a bit scared we missed something.
Venice:  I think we’ve confused whoever searched for this tutorial even more than he was prior to asking.
Ryan: Probably.

8. pouring cum into her ass
Ryan: Okay, ignore everything I said above and just pour semen in her ass like a glass of Kool-Aid.
Venice: Ha!  You think that was the same guy still trying to figure out the proper method to cum in a woman’s ass?
Ryan: Apparently so.  I guess he figured pouring or funneling would be easiest.

7. hairy wagina porno
Starring Elmer Fudd.
Ryan: Wascally Wabbit Wagina featuring Juggs Bunny and Bare Rabbit.
Venice: …Or Who Banged Roger Rabbit featuring Thumper.
Ryan: Ha, they both sound like hits to me.
Venice: I’d watch them.

6. cum eat gay baby
Venice: Is this some sort of abortion or new Chinese technique to get rid of gay children? Eat them.
Ryan: Sounds disgusting.
Venice: Well, I am sure Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce would help.
Ryan: Really Venice?
Venice: I’m just saying, I didn’t make up the damn search term.  Truthfully, I bet Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce would make gay babies taste much less disgusting.
Ryan: Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce is delicious.
Venice: You’re damn right it is.

5. have you ever sucked cock at a wedding
Ryan: Venice?
Venice: I sucked yours after ours.  Does that count?
Ryan: I’m not sure.  Judges?

4. hubby sucking best man
Venice: Ryan?
Ryan: Ha!  So I guess the previous search term was a set up?
Venice: Well answer my question.
Ryan: My best man was my father, so the answer is NO Venice.
Venice: Judges?
Ryan: Whatever.

3. is it wrong to cum on your wife if she said no
Ryan:  Probably, but the good thing is she is your wife so you have access to her panty drawer and her toothbrush.
Venice: Oh my God.  Seriously Ryan?
Ryan: Seriously.  I mean, if your says no to letting you cum on her you should just wipe your sperm on her clean panties or toothbrush.  It’s our instinct to mark our territory.
Venice: That’s disgusting!
Ryan: Well, use Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce as toothpaste.
Ryan: Touché?
Venice: It is delicious, I admit.

2. my wyf loves oder mans cum
Someone in the trailer park got a laptop for Christmas.
Ryan: I’m going with an underaged trailer park occupant.
Venice: He has a wyf though.
Ryan: Like I said, I am going with an underaged trailer park occupant.
Venice: Ha, that’s true. How could someone that spells that poorly even use Google?
Ryan: Hopefully he Googles contraceptive.
Venice: Too late already… he ended up at our site.
Venice:  The guilt has set in.  We just helped create more.
Ryan: You can’t blame yourself baby.  If it wasn’t our site it would have been “A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind” or “”  You saved your friends the guilt.

1. cumming in ass while on steroids
Ryan: Hilarious!
Venice: Ha!
Ryan: I call that a real Hulk Smash!
Venice: I call that “1 night in Chyna
Ryan: Ha, yea that too.

Ryan: We have no affiliation with Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce.  We were not paid to promote its delicious flavor.  However, if you were to try and eat gay babies, I would highly suggest getting Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce.  Or if you think your husband is urinating or ejaculating on your toothbrush because you did not allow him to cum on you, use Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce as toothpaste.
Venice: Urinating?
Ryan: You are not supposed to talk on my closing disclaimer.
Venice:  Oh it’s like some sort of legal thing?
Ryan: Yes.  People will think we are selling Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce or promoting eating gay children with Sweet Baby Ray’s deliciousness.
Venice:  It is yummy.  I bet it really could make a gay baby taste like a gourmet meal.
Ryan: Gay babies… mmmmmm.  Real soul food.