July 10, 2019

Sex Toy Review: Kiiroo Onyx 2 and Pearl 2 for Couples Set / for Long Distance Relationships

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First, let’s start off by saying this is one of the coolest ideas we have ever heard of; however, technology just may not be able to keep up yet.  We will split this review up into both of our opinions since it is two separate toys that work together via Bluetooth.  Before we get into the review of the actual product, let’s make sure we give a big thank you to the UK based Scarlet Rooms.  Their customer service, speed of delivery, and ease to work with was bar none one of the best we have dealt with so far.  

Ryan:  The Kiiroo Onyx 2 has an idea that could be one of the most amazing experiences a man could have with a sex toy.  Through VR, or through watching a POV (point of view) video, the Onyx 2 actually massages your penis to the exact same movements you see in the video.  For instance, if a girl is stroking a penis in a video, the Onyx 2 strokes you in the same rhythm.  If she is sucking fast, it also moves fast.  In the video we viewed, it was two women giving a blow job, and this thing was able to keep up with the video and vibrate to the exact same movements.  Unfortunately the Onyx 2 randomly stopped and we’d have to move it around for it to start vibrating again.  Unsure if this was a connectivity issue, but either way, I’m going to have a hard time orgasming playing Red Light / Green Light with my masturbator!   We had the same problem when we connected the item to the female compatible device, the Pearl 2.  It would randomly disconnect and go quiet for a few seconds, then come back to life by touching the sensitivity slider.  Maybe it has a mechanism that turns itself off if it thinks it isn’t being used?

Continue Reading Sex Toy Review: Kiiroo Onyx 2 and Pearl 2 for Couples Set / for Long Distance Relationships

July 3, 2019

Would You Get a Tattoo of Your Wife’s Name On Your Penis Instead of a Wedding Ring?

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tattoo on penisWould You Get a Tattoo of Your Wife’s Name On Your Penis Instead of a Wedding Ring?

If marriage is really forever ever, and ever ever…. call your local tattoo shop, get ready to be slightly humiliated, and grab a towel to bite down on fellas!  The first question I usually get regarding a tattoo on my penis is, “Did it hurt?”  Tattoo on my dick or a Tattoo on my Penis.

Does Getting A Tattoo On Your Penis Hurt?

No, it didn’t hurt.  After years of rubbing up and down on this thing with my hand, driving it in mouths and rubbing it against teeth, my dick has the rigidness of elephant skin.   Going back and forth inside of a woman’s tight vagina 1000s of a times in a fuck session is going to leave your dick more sore than a tattoo.  Therefore, a tattoo on my penis was nothing.  You will have much more pain getting a tattoo on your leg, chest, ribs, or stomach.  I have a tattoo in all these spots and by far the tattoo on my penis was the least painful.

Is a Tattoo of Her Name on Your Penis Commitment or Dumb?

I think it is a bit of both.   I don’t care though.   Personally, I don’t really need a perfect dick, nor did I ever have one.  Random threesomes may have a quick awkward moment before the other girl puts her mouth around your penis, but that’s about the extent of it.  If we decide to fuck other girls, it has Venice’s name on it.  Which she loves.  When she says to the other girl, ‘You look so pretty sucking my dick…”  She means it.   Tattoo on my dick or a Tattoo on my Penis.

Much like how Andy wrote his name on the bottom of Woody’s foot, Venice has written her name on the top of my dick.  

Where Can You Get A Tattoo On Your Penis at?

Any tattoo shop will probably do this for you; however, it will cost a lot more.  Much like shipping and handling adds to the cost of things you buy, tattooing your dick also has a handling charge.  If you aren’t comfortable with being nude, or having another man hold your penis while drawing on it, then the wedding ring option may be more for you.  More than likely you will have to get a male tattoo artist.  Either way, bring your wife with you so she can enjoy the tattoo experience with you.  If you end up with a female artist, she may appreciate that you aren’t some pervert and brought your wife with you to ease the tension.  

If you really don’t want to do it at a public shop, you could do it at home yourself. It may cost a bit more for a tattoo machine though.

How Do They Tattoo Your Penis?  Do You Have to Be Erect?

No you do not have to be erect.  They will take your flaccid penis and wrap it around a small sterile bat shaped object.  This will tighten your skin and enable the tattoo artist to tattoo whatever it is you need onto your penis.   In fact, much like the photo above, you can see my penis wrapped around Venice’s wrist. That is the exact process.  Except you aren’t going to wrap your penis around the wrist of the tattoo artist.  Once it is tight and stretched, you will be surprised at how easily it can be tattooed.

A Cheaters Mark of Shame tattoo on penis

After getting the tattoo on my penis years ago, I searched around online to see if there were any other examples of what I had done.  I saw pictures of elephants trunks, dragons tails, and various other funny things, but didn’t really see much else.  However, I did read an interview with a female tattoo artist that said she noticed that men that cheat tend to be the ones that asked her to tattoo their dicks.  It seems a penis tattoo shows the ultimate recommitment for a cheating man trying to prove his loyalty.  So much so, women take back their cheating husbands thinking, “If he tattooed his dick, he must be sorry.  That other girl doesn’t have her name on his cock.”

That sounds pretty desperate, but in a way, that may subconsciously explain why I had my own penis tattooed.  Although I have never cheated, I was a virgin when I met Venice.  I am very proud of that.  The more girls we hooked up with together, the more guilty and disloyal I felt. I felt guilty because I enjoyed it.  I felt disloyal because I wanted it.  I felt greedy because I knew I didn’t want to stop and go back to a monogamous lifestyle.  

I had always told Venice that my dick is her dick.  Her vagina is my vagina.  If my dick goes inside another girl, it’s our dick.  She loves to see it.  Although the pleasure is physically connected to me (I’ve still never had an orgasm from another woman’s body), mentally, it’s our  experience. As dumb as that may seem to those not in the lifestyle, it makes sense to us.   In fact, I meant it so much that I tattooed her name on our dick.   And I don’t regret it.  So in a way, tattooing my dick was also my form of recommitting myself to her.

Without her, I don’t need it.

Would You Get A Tattoo On Your Penis?

Would you tattoo your wife’s name on your dick rather than wearing a wedding ring?  If you are polyamorous, would you use your dick as a chalk board and just tattoo various women’s names on your penis to show your commitment (bad joke)? 

 

June 26, 2019

Amateur Couples On Webcam ( Porn ) Aren’t Having Sex Better Than You Can

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Amateur Couples Aren’t Having Sex Better Than You Can

The internet has changed the world.  No longer do you need your Dad’s old hustler magazine stashed away under your bed.  No longer do you need to study the Sears catalog lingerie section to get masturbation material.  Sex is everywhere.  And not only is sex everywhere, as an amateur couple you can help other lonely souls struggling for fap material.

The days of buying a 30 year old storage unit and accidentally finding a random VHS tape labeled “mommy and daddy time” just to see real couple sex  is over.  

Oh, this is 2019, me using the term VHS is probably a bit confusing to our 30 and under couples browsing…

VHS (short for Video Home System) is a standard for consumer-level analog video recording on tape cassettes. Developed by Victor Company of Japan (JVC) in the early 1970s.  It was released in Japan on September 9, 1976 and in the United States on August 23, 1977.

Amateur Couples Sex And Being Filmed Before The Internet

Back in the old days, VHS tapes gave amateurs the ability to record themselves having sex.  The good thing was, as long as you were able to afford a video camera, you didn’t have to take your videos anywhere to get them developed. However, the amateurs recording in those days couldn’t compare at all to the professional porn.  There was also no way to really share.  

Prior to video cameras being affordable, an average amateur couple really just had still photography.  Because we couldn’t develop our own photos (unless we had a dark room), we had to take our film to be developed at a photo lab.  Only a true voyeur would dare leave the photo technician with a roll of homemade amateur smut.   The way around being overexposed to your entire local Kodak photo lab staff was owning a Polaroid camera.  To this day I still have a stash of Polaroids Venice and I took in our teenage days!

Again, still photography on Polaroids just couldn’t compete with the professional porn at the time.  In fact, they couldn’t compete with anything.  Other than sexy memories with bad lightening, it was more of a way for you to you have pictures with horrible filters (not filters back then, just the way the photos looked), for memory sake, much like people have Instagram accounts now.   So when people said, “Oh sex isn’t like porn, that’s fake.”  They were actually correct.  Professional porn was nothing like real amateur sex.

Times Have Changed: Time for Professional Counselors, Sex Therapists, and Reddit Advice Givers to Give Up Those Stale Clichés

In 2019, professional porn tries their hardest to imitate amateur porn.  Authenticity is much more sexy than watching actors fuck for money.  It’s also more believable. 

Continue Reading Amateur Couples On Webcam ( Porn ) Aren’t Having Sex Better Than You Can

June 19, 2019

Q&A: My Mother Opened A Very Large Dildo on Accident that I ordered

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My Mother Opened A Very Large Dildo on Accident that I Ordered

I own two vibrators. One, I bought and had it sent to the post office out of fear of this exact thing happening to me. But, recently, I bought another one and thought fuck it, my family has never opened one of my packages before. It won’t kill me to have it sent directly to my address.

So I was sitting in my living room, cool as a fucking cucumber, when the doorbell went, and my mom said it was the neighbour with a package they held for us because we were not home when the delivery guy showed up.  I didn’t think anything of it – my package wasn’t due for like another two weeks. Well, I guess Amazon wanted to give me a really nice surprise, lucky me!

Two things my mom should learn is: 1) Wait for a reply after knocking on my door, and, I guess after this 2) READ THE FUCKING NAME ON A PACKAGE! She stood in front of me opening it, stared at the package for a bit and said “That’s not mine”. My heart fell into my fucking vagina as I realised what it was.

Okay, maybe it isn’t as bad as it sounds, because it isn’t immediately obvious what it is. It’s a huge bat shaped box, shaped like I ordered a golf club or something.  Thankfully, there were no pictures on the front, just the name of the brand and the slogan, which was something like ‘created for your happiness’. I mean, that could be anything, right? But me, being a stupid bitch, after fumbling a bit saying I didn’t know what that could be, decided to say, “oh, I think they’ll probably be my coasters”. Don’t even ask, it’s the only thing I had also ordered that I could think of. Coasters. To put your drinks on. Put into a long box labelled ‘created for your happiness’? Who on earth receives happiness from fucking COASTERS?

To make matters worse, I then had to sit there with my mom watching Game of Thrones, holding this huge Louisville Slugger shaped box in my hand.  To leave the room, I had to go past my mom – how do I walk past my mom holding a vibrator whilst trying to act nonchalant? Oh yeah, no big deal, just my coasters… in a box that is shaped like a loaf of bread, don’t mind me.

Thank God my dad didn’t come home.  I would’ve literally rather unboxed it in front of my mom than explain that shit to my dad. In my room, I looked at the side of the box, and there were fucking vibrating settings. I still have no idea if my mom saw that. Wow, I fucking pray to God she didn’t.

Venice’s response to Mother Opened A Very Large Dildo

Well, at least your mother knows if anyone breaks into your house she can run into your room and use your dildo for protection.  Sounds like you could fight off a dang lion with that thing!

Thanks for sharing your story!   Not really a question, but yes, when ordering sex toys and living with others, you may want to get a P.O. Box to insure privacy.  We share our shipping with our daughter, because she is a student (anything for a student discount), so our story would be the exact opposite!   She’d accidentally open our packages!  Oh gosh.

I will make sure I tackle her  at the door when I see her opening a packages shaped like a huge baseball bat!  

Ryan’s response to Mother Opened A Very Large Dildo

Hilarious story!   

It’s crazy how taboo and scary sex is.  If it was a back massager, or anything else used for personal enjoyment, totally fine.  If it is something sexual?  End of the world!  That’s what is so funny about sex and all the different sex experiences you have in your lifetime.  Sometimes the most embarrassing moments will be the memories you laugh at for years.  For Venice and I, one of our worst experiences we’ve had (with another female) is the funniest story we have.  It’s the gift that keeps on giving.  We have inside jokes, a sure fire funny story we can share with people we meet in the lifestyle, and for such a bad experience, it gave us so much more throughout the years than the actual good experiences.   How weird is that?

Not that this helps, but I assume by now, you are over the embarrassment and have moved on.  Time fixes everything.   Enjoy your tennis racket! 

 

June 12, 2019

Review: OMYSKY Lipstick Vibrator (The Perfect Hidden Pleasure)

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OMYSKY Lipstick Vibrator (The Perfect Hidden Pleasure)

Recently we took a cruise and guess what came with me?  Pun intended.  If this Lipstick Vibrator isn’t the coolest little thing I have ever experienced!  What’s really sexy is, just like normal lipstick, it leaves my lips moist and flush red!

This thing puts a whole new twist on “make-up” sex…

There isn’t much to say about this little thing except: incognito, low-key, 007 – my little James Wand, Go-Go Gadget Vibrator, and “Oh, let me just go to the bathroom and put my face on.”  Small enough to shove in a corner pocket of your purse, undetectable, and can even be pulled out as you look for other things.  This little guy gives no hints of what he is really all about.  It’s the perfect little toy for the girl on the go!

A big thank you to secrexy.com for sending us this sexy little guy to review.  This is probably the best thing we’ve reviewed, simply because I will actually use it more than once.  For now, it works great, the battery lasts long enough to get me through an intense work out, and it charges quickly via magnets on the bottom. 

Ladies, if the fellas think we take forever to do our make up now, wait…just wait!

Information from their website.

Price: $24.99

OMYSKY Lipstick Vibrator

Features:
1. Realistic Lipstick Disguise, Portable
2. Lacquer Crafts, Shiny & Fashionable
3. Soft Silicone, Easy to Clean
4. Waterproof, Quiet

Item Specifics:
Item Type: Bullet Vibrator
Gender: Female
Material: Silicone, ABS
Vibration Modes: 10 Modes
Power: USB Magnetic charging
Color: Red & Black & Gold
Size: 92mm × 22mm × 22mm (3.62” × 0.87″ × 0.87″)

Package included:
1* Bullet Vibrator

We are not affiliated with Secrexy.com and get no revenue from this review.  We are just sharing our experiences with our readers.  This item was sent to us as a promotional product, with a disclaimer from us, that if we did not like the product, we will not review it.