Q&A: My Wife Ate Her Ex-Boyfriend’s Ass But Will Not Eat Mine. Am I Being Childish?

Q&A: My Wife Ate Her Ex-Boyfriend’s Ass But Will Not Eat Mine. Am I Being Childish?

Okay so I’ll start off by saying I’ve never really felt the need to have my asshole licked but needless to say it’s what all the kids are talking about nowadays so I’m curious to see if it’s worth the hype.

My wife and I have an active sex life for mid 30s folk and I asked her if she would do that for me next time I get a BJ. She refused, stating that she knows my bathroom routine too intimately to want to go down there. I laughed it off at the time but I’ve become a bit jealous because I know that she ate her ex boyfriend’s ass when they were together. She had told me that she didn’t hate it but it didn’t really do anything for her (and he only mildly enjoyed it).

I know this is crazy. We’re in love, have a deep relationship, she’s the mother of my kids, but I can’t shake the jealousy that I feel since she’s done this to another man but is unwilling to do it to me. I know that in her past she struggled with self esteem issues and often did things she wasn’t fully comfortable with to keep a guy around. I never want to make her feel like that or have her do anything she doesn’t want to in the bedroom but I do feel some sorta way I guess. Am I crazy? Is this a childish way to feel or am I kinda justified?

Venice’s response ate ex-boyfriend’s ass

Well, I did write the blog, “Guide to Giving your Him A Rim Job For the First Time” 

Simple solution for me if I was in the situation?  I would nose dive head first into my husband’s ass and lick until he asks me to stop.  No way in hell I would tell my husband something I did with an ex and not do with him.  For me, this is just basic principle.   

Your feelings aren’t childish and all you can do is communicate them.  You can’t force your wife to understand your feelings or eat your ass just because she ate someone else’s ass before you.  When she says she knows your bathroom routine, she may mean your hygiene, she may mean she has watched you use the bathroom too many times, or she has smelled your flatulence in long car rides one time more than she ever wanted.   Ripping a fart with your spouse can be all fun and games when you first move in together, but when it comes to her being turned on by eating your asshole, knowing how you playfully fart on her leg every now and then is a turn off.

Ate Her Ex-Boyfriend's AssHere is one comment I saw from a woman who maybe can translate what it means when your wife tells you that she knows your bathroom routine.

Some men would be surprised to find out how often we can smell your ass wafting up when we give you a blowjob. My guess is that your wife has had this experience and is now turned off about putting her mouth on your ass. Can’t say for certain but based on her “intimate knowledge” this is probably her nice way of mentioning it.

Well said.

We have always taken showers after we use the bathroom.  Actually, I learned this from my husband.  Sometimes your partner’s hygiene routine naturally rubs off on you.  He has always showered after going number 2, which makes sense.  So if he showered after he goes to the bathroom because he is grossed out by himself feeling dirty, how would he feel about me if I didn’t shower?   So guess what!?  I shower each time I go number 2 too.  On top of this, my husband recently installed a bidet in our bathroom and I love it! 

Add this to your bathroom routine and maybe she will possibly open up to performing a rim job on you like she did her ex.

We do not get paid by amazon, in fact, sex blogs can’t get referral payments from Amazon, so that link is just something I want to share.  It’s cheap and a life changer!


rim job



Ryan’s response ate ex-boyfriend’s ass

This is why it’s good to not ask your partner about their history.  Easier said than done.   I was also the type that wanted to know everything about my wife.   So I get it.

I still remember the days when guys were asking us if their wife should lick their balls during a blow job because she licked their last boyfriends.   Or, should your wife try anal with you because she tried anal with her last boyfriend.  How times have changed.   Now partners have to deal/cope with their partner’s sexual history, who they fucked, did they anal, and how many different peoples’ asses they have ate.   Geez.

Ate Ex-Boyfriend's AssFirst I would suggest showering after using the bathroom.  If she knows your bathroom routine and this is why she has decided to not lick your ass, change your routine.   Also, think about adding a bidet add-on to your toilet.  This is cheap and easy to install.   These two things can possibly leave your ass desirable.   Also, depending on her preference, ask if she would like you to shave your ass and balls.    

Other than hygiene, communicate your desires and insecurities and see what you guys can do to resolve these issues.   If she is reasonable, she may find an appropriate compromise.  Maybe rather than your next random blow job, it’s a scenario where you both take a long bath together and she knows your body is clean.   But if she still isn’t okay with that, there isn’t much you can do.  She may hate that licked a guys ass.  Why would you want her to do things she hates with you?

Personal opinion:  Swallowing cum, oral sex during her period, anal (and sometimes getting dirty), licking ass, or any extreme sexual act is nothing more than bonding.  I find people that find these things “gross” or “icky” to be sexually immature.  But those immature people probably consider us gross and perverts.  I don’t care.  Me and my wife have done everything under the sun and we are always looking for new things to do.  Of course this is is just my own opinion.  Nothing  is wrong with holding hands, a cute kiss on the cheek, cuddling, long walks on the beach, or licking each others’ asses.  To me, it’s all intimacy and bonding.



Q&A: Is bringing my vibrator to my honeymoon hot or too much? 

Q&A: Is bringing my vibrator to my honeymoon hot or too much? 

My wedding is in two months and my husband doesn’t know that I cannot orgasm through penetration.  It’s just never came up.  I am unsure if he just assumes I do, or it’s not something he has ever thought about.   Although I moan a lot while he has sex with me and my theatrics get intense while he cums  inside me, he has never asked if I orgasm with him or I just enjoy it when he cums in me.  Although it’s the latter, I’d still like to start having orgasms with him and don’t know if our honeymoon would be the right place to introduce my vibrator.  I do know with past experiences, I can come with penetration as long as I have a vibrator on my clit area.    Is this too much?  Should I wait till after my honeymoon to introduce this to my future husband or make my first nights with him as his wife, experiences where we both climax together?

Venice’s response to vibrator on honeymoon

This is actually a tough question.  Because we can’t go backwards and advise you to communicate with him about how you orgasm prior to agreeing to marrying him, this can get tricky.   I can see why you would want to orgasm with him on your wedding night, as it seems like that could be extremely intimate and special.   However, I also see how it could turn into a nightmare on his ego if he thinks you are having an orgasm while he has sex with you.   I admit, a lot of men are just ignorant to a woman’s body and think we naturally orgasm when they orgasm. As weird as that sounds, it’s pretty common.   

I’d say possibly get a small vibrating bullet that you can fit in your purse.   Or check out this lipstick vibrator we reviewed in the past.   Something that is non threatening and small, which probably won’t be as visually offensive as you lining up your 3 favorite dildos that you prefer to get you off on your wedding night.   That may not sit well.

Navigate carefully and maybe think about talking to him now about your honeymoon plans and the things you want to try with him.  Cold feet is a thing, so tread carefully and do what you think is best for you and your relationship.  

Ryan’s response to vibrator on honeymoon

I have never done anything traditional so I suppose if my wife opened up one of her luggage bag and inside it was 3 dildos, 2 vibrators, and a whip, I would have accepted it.  Unsure though.  I did go through the phase of my wife only being able to cum through clitoral stimulation and for some reason we were both infatuated with a hands free orgasm only using my penis.  We tried everything.   I wanted to be the first, and she wanted me to be the first.  For years it never happened and when we figured out using a vibrator during sex was the closest we would get, we loved it.  It also saved me from a very sore tongue and jaw, because our sex life prior to a vibrator consisted of me going down on her until she had an orgasm.  No matter how long it took.   Afterwards we would go to penetrative sex, which was purely for my pleasure.   I was young and didn’t really understand the idea that sex can be satisfying for a women without her having to cum too.

So he may be hurt when he realizes he isn’t making you cum while he has sex with you, he may also be relieved that you figured out how to make sure you both can orgasm together.  This is just one of those situations where you know him best, so do what you feel is best.   One thing we did prior to discovering vibrators was using our fingers.  This is something you should have suggested from the beginning.  I am a big advocate of women making sure they go for their orgasm, the same as men go for theirs.  Imagine a man having sex and the woman stopping prior to him finishing?  Usually that isn’t happening.  Except maybe in an offbeat comedy about a woman in a powerful position having the control to just stop prior to a man cumming. Regardless,  more than likely he would just roll over and stroke himself until he is done anyway.  That’s just how it is.  If a position isn’t good for him, he switches it.  If a woman is on top and he doesn’t feel the orgasm building up, he rolls her over and gets on top.   If he is getting a blow job and it is taking a bit long to get off, he flips her over and fucks her brains out so he can cum.  He isn’t fucking her brains out to impress her.  He is fucking her brains out because he is so turned on and frustrated from wanting to cum during oral sex.  So he punishes her body until he gets himself off.  Meanwhile his partner thinks he is an animal and great in bed.   Maybe so, but he is responsible for his own orgasm!   Woman should feel the same.  This isn’t 1960 where it’s all up to him to make you cum or you suffer.  No.   

So while I had sex, my wife or I would rub her clit until she came.  Admittedly, this wasn’t as easy as you see in porn because my wife never came quickly and I’d have to find a position where she could play with herself while I stay erect and moved my body in and out of her.  It was tough.   Which is why when the vibrator was introduced and she came in minutes, it just made everything better.    But still, maybe play with your clit with your fingers while he fucks you and see if that helps you get off.   This may be a good segue into introducing the vibrator.