Threesome Memoirs – Finding the Third

Threesome Memoirs: Table of Contents

the thirdAfter getting many replies to my ad from ladies (and men) and sifting through profiles I believed would be suited to my needs, it was refreshing to finally find The Third.  For the sake of future blogs, I will refer to her as Eve.  I say “The Third” meaning we were sexually compatible with what we wanted to get from a threesome and what she was willing to do in order to participate in one with me and Ryan.  But she wasn’t always.

Eve e-mailed me from a dating site with a beautiful picture and a one line description of herself.   I replied back and let her know that I thought she was cute and asked exactly what she was looking for.  She again wrote back with a one line answer.  I decided that although she was cute, I needed someone that would talk more.  I wrote her back and let her know that I was afraid that she wouldn’t work out and that I appreciated her at least contacting me.   She wrote back apologizing and let me know she was in an open relationship and was simply looking for another girl to talk with.   At that point, I let her know that we probably wouldn’t be more than text buddies because I am not looking to have any experiences without my husband.  In fact, in one night of e-mails, I told her twice that we probably wouldn’t go beyond being text buddies.  We both agreed that being text buddies could be fun so we exchanged numbers.

The next day, I texted her, and within the first few texts I made the gross assumption that she was boring.  I talk a lot on text so I understand that people have to read between the lines and choose certain words to get an idea across to the receiver. I wasn’t used to her one liners and lack of exclamation marks, so for me, she came across as emotionless and unenthused to talk to me.  I came very close to losing interest in her because of this misunderstanding.  The good thing was, she was actually normal.  Maybe because of all the previous “characters” I had dealt with, I just wasn’t expecting to talk with someone who didn’t give me any real reasons to quit talking.

Prior to sending more photos I told her that I would need to do a voice confirmation to make sure I wasn’t dealing with another “Pat The Squirter.” When I called her that night, we spoke casually.  She seemed to be a better communicator when she was face-to-face with someone, or rather voice-to-voice.  Although she sounded extremely sexy, I still joked a lot about us being strictly text buddies.  I wanted her to understand that if she was serious about not wanting to be with a couple, then she and I could only be friends, which was fine with me. She came off as a sweet person and I would definitely be okay with being her friend. 

After we hung up, I was feeling a bit more frisky and sent her a panty shot with my hand beneath crotch. She immediately called back.  I assume to ensure I meant to send her the picture.  I said I did, of course. She was very easygoing, which was a good indicator as to how good we would get along as friends. I mean, I’m not the best breeze-shooter in the world, but if someone can find the right cues to keep me talking and hold a conversation with me (and vice-versa), then all the better.  This is one factor I would consider in deeming a person as someone I like being around.  As we talked, we realized we lived very close to each other, which at the time I wasn’t sure was good or bad. Her phone call to me was apparently her own double confirmation because after the second phone call, she sent me a few nude pictures of herself.  That night we went back and forth talking and sending racy pictures to each other via text.

All that week, we’d been sending pictures to each other and texting. That Friday night, Ryan and I were outside grilling.  I decided to text her: “You’re so hot, I could just kiss you.”  She answered, “Oh yea? I’ll come over.”  This would be the first time I’d ever met a female with the intentions of doing anything bisexual.  Not just a threesome, but the first woman I’d look at in a sexual way. 

I replied back, “I’m waiting.” 

A few minutes later, her car was pulling up our driveway.  This was the first time she’d been to our house, so as she pulled up, Ryan went inside to get a plate for the BBQ.  He wanted to give us a bit of privacy.  At the time, Ryan was still an outsider and the “kiss” talk was more of text buddies crossing the line.  When I saw her, I hugged her and gave her a kiss on the cheek.  “How are you?” I asked. She said she was fine. I said, “Turn around and let me look at you.  Oh yea, this is the same butt in the selfies you sent me.”  Looking back on that, it was more aggressive than I usually was am and definitely out of my personality. I’m glad I did it though. Because if there’s one thing I learned about getting back into the “dating” scene, pussy doesn’t just fall into your lap. I have to make moves.  We talked outside for about an hour that night getting to know each other. When it was time for her to leave, she asked for a hug, but also asked Ryan to look away. It was an unusual request, especially because I know Ryan doesn’t get off on seeing me hug a female. I do that all the time. Perhaps she didn’t realize that we’ve been married a long time and that he doesn’t react to a friendly hug the way a virgin boy might.  Either way, Ryan gave us a moment of privacy.   When Ryan came back, I immediately hugged her again with him looking. 

The following week, she and I continued to text, talking mainly about me wanting her to be my first kiss. I invited her over again.  And being the planner and thinker I am, I let her know that I liked her and was looking forward to eventually kissing her.

We had meaningful talks (all three of us) in the beginning to establish our comfort levels and our (my and Ryan’s) goals. Our moves leading up to the first kiss were very methodical, so much so that to others could become impatient with our process. She was the perfect “first step” for me – perfect first kiss, perfect first woman I’ve tasted, perfect threesome experience. From an outsider’s point of view, I can easily see how our approach to the events leading to a threesome can be arduous, but not once have I ever said, “If I could go back, I would change how I did this.” We’ve been warned about the myriad downfalls to threesomes: “Venice will want to have a male-female-male threesome eventually,” or “Venice will regret having you experience another woman,” or “Ryan, you’re going to want more,” or “You’re both way in over your heads.”  I think we moved so slow and carefully that we had so much time to process each step we took, so there was little room for mistakes or regret.  And in the end, I can say with great pride that things couldn’t have gone better.

Threesome Memoirs – The Intimidating (The Good, The Bad, The Ugly)

Threesome Memoirs: Table of Contents

intimidatingWe’ve said numerous times that finding a partner for a possible threesome isn’t an easy task, but truthfully, if we were a bit more courageous, it wouldn’t have been that difficult. Yes, it takes patience, but who would want to rush in and make that type of mistake anyway?

We’ve had flaky prospects, men pretending to be women, and ladies that get cold feet.  This is expected.  What wasn’t expected were a few offers that were so aggressive that we actually flat out turned them down.  Not that the ladies weren’t attractive, but instead were openly turned on by us and weren’t shy about what they wanted to do.  Sometimes it wasn’t even what they said, but the pictures they sent that intimidated us.

If the woman was in high heels with a huge sexy ass, swinging on what seemed to resemble either a firehouse pole or a stripper pole, I was immediately intimidated.  Unsure why, I guess I was expecting to spend time with the girl next door type.

It wouldn’t be just the photos though.  If they weren’t shy about letting me know that they were ready to meet immediately and would only fuck my man if it was okay with me, it made me a bit uncomfortable.  The aggression, the lack of communication, the rush of meeting, or just flat out intimidated.  I don’t know why.  It didn’t just scare me though, Ryan was usually the one that pulled the plugs on the wild ones.

At this pont, most readers following along with our memoirs are probably totally confused.  How could a couple that is complaining about the young and flaky find a female that is totally willing to have a threesome, yet write a blog about how it intimidates them.  What exactly do we want?

Good question.  I have no idea.  I do know exactly what I don’t want though.  I do not want a woman who is almost anxious to get me and my husband into the bedroom.  We like to talk, we like to socialize, and we also do not want our experiences to be warped by some sex machine who doesn’t care who she sleeps with, just that she is sleeping with someone.

As much as it is supposed to be difficult to have a threesome, it really is much more difficult when your standards are nearly impossible.  If we had no standards, this would have been a very short memoir section.  “Day 2, we fucked some girl and afterwards we saw her in the parking lot fucking some other guy as well.  I guess she wasn’t satisfied?”

I know this sounds shallow, but I also judged looks.  If I wasn’t attracted to the female, I would let them know that I did not think it would work out.  This actually created a few problems but regardless of personality, I wanted to be attracted to whoever I decided to invite into my bedroom.  We’ve experienced the good, the bad, and they ugly, but a lot less good than the other two.

Random Moments With Us – The Deadly Spider

deadly spiderVenice and I were getting ready for bed when I heard her say, “Do not turn around, get up slowly and move away from the bed.”  When she said that, I knew I was under attack.  I calmly got up and moved a step away from the bed.  I then turned around and saw the largest wolf spider I have ever seen laying on my side of bed getting ready to go to sleep.  Honestly, he may have had on pajamas but I was in shock and I really can’t remember what he was wearing.   Maybe he read our threesome memoirs, but I am sorry spider, it’s not THAT type of party.

I yelled for Venice to give me something hard to swat him with but instead she grabbed my pillow.  Unsure what she was planning to do with my pillow, I stopped and watched her.  She had the fire in her eyes and held my soft pillow like it was a battle axe.  I knew the spider’s days were numbered.  She jumped up on the bed and slammed her arms down as fast as she could smashing the spider with my cotton ball soft pillow.  The pillow was no match.  Venice, now known as my female Pillow Warrior, immediately realized the pillow axe was useless.  I could have sworn I saw the spider laughed after she lifted the pillow off of him.

Okay, the laugh part isn’t true, because the spider’s mouth was too small for me to actually see it move or laugh.  I did hear what sounded like a laugh though.  The next thing I know, this huge tank spider lunged at me.  Maybe he thought I would save him from the Pillow Assassin.  He seriously hopped maybe 1 foot off the bed towards my feet.  I jumped back and screamed.  Venice yelled out, “Oh my god, it has super powers!”

The Pillow Queen met her match.

I summoned the gods with the remote control I had in my hand and dropped it with a force that shook the entire room.  It’s just too bad I missed.  The spider sprinted to hide under a chair.  I lifted the chair with one hand throwing it across the room and swung again but this time connected.    It crunched.

Super powers my ass.

Hopefully Venice and I (really just Venice) learned that pillows are not something you grab to kill large insects.  In fact, the part of the story I left out for dramatic effect was me yelling, “No baby, don’t use my pillow, wtf, I don’t want spider guts on my fucking pillow! STOP!”  I decided to take that out of the story.   Especially because she totally ignored my pleading and tried to wack the spider with the pillow as hard as she could.

Threesome Memoirs: Shai Wan

Threesome Memoirs: Table of Contents

shy asianNot everyone can be straightforward. Not everyone can hide behind the anonymity of emails and texts. Sometimes their shyness is apparent in their language and how they project themselves in how they communicate. I’m not mad at them. Sometimes I can lack in the aggression department, and sometimes I feel I’ve said things that were out of my real life personality.

With all this being said, I came across a Asian girl who lived a few cities away and didn’t seem to be like the other females with whom I’d previously communicated. I didn’t know it at first, but she seemed very shy. I’ll call her Shai Wan.  She was the quintessential Asian: tiny, light skin, and long hair. The picture used in this blog is not her, but seriously, she was just as adorable.  In fact, she was so cute I found myself being taken back to my childhood as she reminded me of Sailor Moon and her band of hotties; I’m referring to Sailor Mars. But that’s neither here nor there.

Asians aren’t really my type, but Shai Wan was gorgeous and I couldn’t help but be attracted to her look.  At first we talked via email only. She sent a few G-rated photos of herself and I sent a few of me.  After emailing her a few times, I decided to text her. She was hot in every way, but when she started sending explicit pictures, her panties looked like off white cotton long johns.  I didn’t know if she was wearing thick white leggings or cotton grandma panties.  Either way, it wasn’t as sexy as I hoped but I still responded,    “Hot.”  I then sent an ass shot of myself in panties, too, but mine was a thong with the outline of my lips showing very clearly as if to say, “Look… this is the kind of picture you should be sending!”  But she just didn’t seem to get the hint.   “Send me another one, sexy. Bend over if you can.”  Her granny panty shot was followed with her slightly bent over in the same panties, only it was a mirror shot so the flash reflected just perfectly. Or should I say, imperfectly.  At least I knew they were live pictures and not just part of her “Hanes Her Way photo album” on her phone.

I wasn’t sure what to say. It wasn’t my job to teach her how to send dirty selfies of herself, so I ignored it. I just assumed she was being careful in what she was sending. No big deal. So was I. I then told her, “You have such a cute little ass. I wonder what your pussy tastes like?”   I really wanted to know, in fact, I still do.  I’d love to taste an Asian woman.

Before I could text, “Pull your panties to the side, let me see what you’re hiding,” she said, “Can you use code talk like ‘I want to go to your grandmother’s house for some peach cobbler?’ when asking about my private areas?  I don’t want my husband get to suspicious.”

Go to where?!  For some what?!  Did that mean if I ever wanted to talk about eating her pussy I had to refer to the area between her legs as “grandmother’s house” and her vagina as “peach cobbler”? 

Yes, she was married.  Yes, she let me know he wouldn’t understand that she was bisexual.  At this point, we were both only interested in developing a kinky little text friendship, not a threesome.  Ryan was okay with this, and I wanted to see her sexy little ass.  I guess I understood the code talk.  Like, if he grabbed her phone she would have a bunch of messages about us going to her grandmother’s house for peach cobbler.  Not really sure how she explains the selfies of her in her grandma’s panties though?   I guess she could say she borrowed was trying on her grandmother’s panties after she was done eating cobbler? 

Over the next few texts, I noticed that she started getting more and more brave. Her selfies moved to her breast shots in the mirror.  She labeled the breast picture, “my rubix cubes.”   Although she was looking down, you could clearly see her cute face.  The code talk thing was a bit awkward, but the fact she was gorgeous kept me interested.   From what I could see of her rubix cubes, they were extremely cute. However, it was apparent she had an old fashion cotton top that seemed matched her long john panties perfectly.  Maybe a little bit of black lace would have been more grown up, but I guess it adds to her overall cuteness.  I had a feeling she hadn’t been a flirty texter for very long.  The more pictures she sent, the more I felt awkward looking at them, as if I were watching a B-rated porn on my phone. Or at least Showtime after midnight wondering if this might be the one where I get to see a shadow of a nipple. 

She tried though. Even when she claimed to have accidentally emailed me a home video of her and her husband’s sex tape. Yes she sent me about a 3 minute long sex tape.  This was probably the most kinky thing she did, but unfortunately it wasn’t really a sex tape.  Also, her husband was the “Grocery Store.”  If she texted, “I am going to the grocery store” her husband was home.  That was his nickname. And in the video, that may or may not have been sent to me on purpose, I think I saw a butt cheek. It was so dark. They had sex completely under the covers. All I could see was the covers moving.  It was like a Disney porn. I turned the volume all the way up hoping I could hear a little bit of dirty talk. I heard nothing but a few whispers and  what I think was an episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond” on their bedroom television. 

This woman was beautiful and adorable, but unfortunately, a little too secretive and shy for me to continue communication.  I quickly lost interest in Shai Wan. She did absolutely nothing to stimulate me mentally or physically. I can foresee trying to meet her being limited to sitting across a table from each other with our hands in plain sight and talking dirty in code language, “I want to play with your rubix cubes and tickle your Cheerio.”

Anyway, I guess I won’t be going to the grocery store with more  peach cobbler anytime soon.   We need to find a new grandmother’s house quick, I’m getting hungry!

V’s Wet Inbox: Can You Post A Picture For Me?

shy02“My husband and I are such fans of your blog. My husband LOVES my beautiful brown ass and keeps telling me I should post a ass wednesday pic. Me being the shy girl I am would like to post it anonymously and was wondering if you could post it for me. We follow you on twitter and if you like the pic as much as we do please do us the honor of posting it for us.”

I received an e-mail from a woman (who will remain anonymous) stating that she and her husband were readers and followers of our blog. She said her husband (to whom she sends naughty pictures while he’s at work) loves her beautiful, brown ass and urges her to post an “Ass Wednesday” picture on Twitter, but she was too shy.  She then asked if I would do her the honor of posting it for her.  I e-mailed her back immediately: “I would love to.”

To whoever submitted this picture, I have a few things to say.

First, kudos to you for sending naughty pictures to your husband. It’s these little gestures that ensure a wife stays on her man’s mind even when they aren’t in physical proximity of each other.  My husband and I work just a few miles from each other. But that’s irrelevant. We could be across the country. A woman knows that sending dirty pictures is equivalent to whispering “I want you” into his ear. I “whisper” to him several times a day. Then when we get home, I tell him in person.

shy01Second, I understand that you’re shy and some of it may be fear of rejection by others who see your picture. But there is one thing I can promise you: there will be more people who will compliment you than there will be who put you down. When it happens to me, I take it in stride and remember that the only person who should be concerned about my pictures is my husband. After posting my first picture, I realized quickly that there were women out there who were just like us: we choose to remain anonymous while showing off our most intimate parts of our body. I was very skeptical and cringed at the possibility of being made fun of for wanting to be sexy. But when I saw that Twitter was full of normal, average women like myself who loved being amateur, anonymous exhibitionists, it became fun. I learned to use Twitter and other social media platforms as a way to show my husband that although there were people who liked seeing my pictures, he was the only to get it in the flesh.

Third, as a lover of women’s asses, I think yours is fabulous!  It’s full, round, and so damn juicy!  Show it off to the world!

In being asked to post her picture, the honor is mine!  I hope you enjoy seeing her ass as much as I do.

Will you do me a favor: cheer her on and let her know we’re “behind” her every step of the way!