Q&A: My Wife of 13 Years Just Told Me She Has Been Faking Orgasms

My wife of 13 years just told me she has been faking orgasms. We’ve had what I thought was a good sex life but she just dropped the bomb that she can’t actually orgasm from penetrative sex and that she’s faked it all along.

13 years, we’ve done it hundreds of times and it was fake. Every single time.

I was stunned and am feeling deeply hurt, but from her point of view she feels like it was an overreaction. What should I do? Am I wrong to feel let down?

Venice’s response: 
Faking orgasms was something I could never do.  I don’t know if it was because I was stubborn or I just felt awkward |”pretending” to cum. Because of that, I disappointed Ryan so much in the beginning of our relationship.  Sex always felt great, but without extra stimulation or oral sex, pure penetration just couldn’t get me off.  In hindsight, knowing Ryan, maybe I should have “faked it till I made it,” because eventually it happened.  As much as I wouldn’t put on a show for Ryan and he couldn’t make me orgasm through penetration alone, I also provided nothing exciting for his mind sexually.  I was just laying there, unable to cum, eyes closed trying to concentrate on my orgasm.  My honesty made me fuck like a pillow queen. Truthfully, the theatrics behind an orgasm is much like moaning or screaming for a man, even if his penis is small.  Or telling a man with a smaller penis how big it feels inside you.  How good it feels stretching your walls.  Why is that bad to make sex better for him?  Obvious I understand it’s dishonest, which is why I had so much trouble with it, but it’s dishonest in a way that she just wants you to feel good about yourself.  She is being dishonest the same way a mother tell her ugly child that he is beautiful.  It may not be true, but a woman is naturally nurturing and likes to make sure her man feels good about himself.

Oh god, that was an awful analogy.  Sorry.

The point is, she was dishonest and I understand why you are hurt.  There is nothing you can do it about it now.  She may just not be able to ever orgasm through penetration, so hopefully you have been also taking care of her other ways:  oral, toys, fingers, or letting her play with herself to find out what she “really” likes.  If you felt your penis was the only thing giving her pleasure for 13 years and just found out that not only has she been faking it, but you also depended on just sex to get her off, take it as a learning experience.  Women need more.  I’d suggest going to a toy shop together, or going online, and finding a vibrating wand and see where that leads you.  

Ryan’s response: 
There are a lot of things you will have to deal with.  Firstly, trust.  If she can lie to you for years about that, what else has she lied about?  I understand your frustration and this is something you will have to work out with her.  If you love her, you guys should be fine.  Personally, I don’t see a woman faking an orgasm as a bad thing.  This might be because for years I had to deal with the exact opposite, but I will list off a few reasons why a woman may be faking her orgasms:

She loves you and wants her man to feel like the greatest man on earth.  That’s a woman’s nature.  Part of that idea means that she wants you to feel like you were perfect in bed.  Perfect means, you made her cum too.

She is insecure and scared that if you find out you aren’t making her cum, you will think something is wrong with her.  Maybe you won’t love her as much as your previous girlfriend that you made cum multiple times per night. A lot of women are really insecure about the inability to orgasm through pure penetration, although it’s much more common than most people think.  Unfortunately, once she fakes it once, it’s kind of hard to just stop faking it.  Usually when they stop faking it, it’s because they stop caring.  Hopefully in your case, it is because she wanted to come clean and maybe possibly relearn sex with you, so you both can enjoy it together.

Sex by nature conditions us to believe that we should end sex with a “happy ending.”  Most men do not stop sex until they orgasm.  Well, when you are on top of your wife she may feel awkward just staring at the ceiling like she is reading and issue of Cosmopolitan.  

The theatrics of having an orgasm makes sex fun and exciting.  Much like dirty talk or moaning.  As men, I can have sex and be completely quiet.  In fact, when I first had sex I didn’t make a sound.  Venice made it clear to me that she wants to hear me, so with a little bit of an open mind, theatrics, and just letting go of my inhibition, I moan and talk dirty to make her enjoy sex too.  That works both ways.

She may be faking orgasms to control your orgasms.  Personally, if Venice says she is going to cum, my prostate instantly fills up with semen and I have to strain to keep myself from orgasming as she enjoys hers.  However, she can tell when my body is getting ready, she knows when anything can set me off.  If she wanted, she could let me know she enjoyed her time with me and use her body language to help me finish sooner than I would have otherwise.  Maybe she is tired, maybe she is sore, maybe she doesn’t want you to keep going after you are done.  A lot of times women can be satisfied, satisfying you.  For years Venice couldn’t orgasm through sex and she would look up at me and let me know, “I love you, it feels great, but it just isn’t going to happen.”  As much as men want the truth, there were times I wished she would fake it because I felt maybe I deserved it.  Did I do everything right?  Did I go long enough?  I remember going for hours, my penis hurting, sweaty, and asking her what she wanted me to do, because I would have done anything to please her.  These days, knowing she can orgasm through sex, which took almost 12 years together, if she actually decided to fake it at times, I wouldn’t mind  or feel betrayed.  I feel like her intentions are good and she wants me to feel good about our sex.  She knows I care her needs, she knows I try, and she knows I don’t neglect her body, so why ruin the moment?

If your relationship is happy and you both are in a good space, I feel like her faking it was because she was protecting your ego.  She may have also been protecting herself from being judged as “flawed” as well.  Either way, once she started faking, she knew that when she stopped, she would have to let you know the truth.  Her lie lasted 13 years.  Hopefully you can work through that and find a positive resolution.  

faking orgasms faking orgasms faking orgasms faking orgasms faking orgasms faking orgasms faking orgasms faking orgasms faking orgasms faking orgasms faking orgasms faking orgasms

Q&A: Why Do I Cry After Sex?

After sex I always feel like crying

So basically, every time I sleep with my partner and in any previous relationships before, I’ve always felt bad after sex. I’ve cried a few times before but I always told them it was so nice and that’s why I cried. Well, it’s not that it wasn’t nice and whilst we’re at it, it doesn’t feel bad in any way and I love it! It’s just that afterwards I hate that I did it. I regret it and I don’t understand why because there’s nothing to regret about sleeping with the person you love more than anything.

Also, I really hate being held or kissed afterwards, most of the times I wish I were somewhere else, alone by myself. It’s really odd because I don’t know where this is coming from or why I’m so emotional and weird afterwards, as nothing negative has ever happened to me or I can’t think of anything that’s triggering this behavior. Does anyone else feel the same way? Why am I so disgusted afterwards?

Venice’s response: 
I have cried during sex a few times with Ryan but that is my only experience with that emotion. I believe my crying had to do with me feeling in love and being happy.  It may also have had something to do with feeling another human inside my body or enjoying me, because that wasn’t something I was used to either. I also was experiencing the sex euphoria for the first time and not really understanding why everything felt so good.  I think my experience isn’t quite the same as yours.  You may have experienced something traumatic with sex growing up, or you may just feel ashamed you liked something that the world tells you sex is something you do after you are married.  If you are religious, had strict parents that talked down on sex, or just wanted to save yourself, and slowly the more men you open up to, the more men have you as a notch on their belt (sorry, that sounds awful).  I will admit, sometimes the guilt is real.  When you do find your future husband, it may hurt him thinking about your various other experiences with different men, different sizes.  Men are sensitive and maybe you understand this idea already and feel guilty about that?  There are so many reasons and emotions behind crying, you should look deeper inside yourself and figure out why you react the way you do.  

Ryan’s response:
I have only cried once after sexual activity.  My moment happened the first time Venice experienced me having an orgasm.  We were just making out and weren’t sexually active yet.  We talked about it a lot, but had never had any type of penetration.  She was whispering in my ear how much she loved me, rubbing my body, while I stroked myself.  I was so insecure about my penis and everything she would glance down, I was scared and felt inside she didn’t like what she saw. I was young though, and this was the first time I felt comfortable enough to let a girl even look at me.  As I came she whispered in my ear that it was so sexy and she couldn’t take he eyes off my penis. I think this was the first time she saw a man cum in real life, and the first time a girl had ever seen my orgasm.  I made a mess on myself.  I felt so vulnerable, so ashamed, so embarrassed, and truthfully, thought that Venice was laughing at me on the inside.  I don’t know why, but I felt almost as if I exposed myself, but she kept her purity.  Other than her naughty talk, she was still a total secret to me.  When I was in high school, I was always so concerned about a girl having sex with me and then running off and telling all her friends my penis size, how I fucked, and a bunch of other things I know today aren’t even that serious. Regardless, I took my privacy serious (I would have never thought that one day I would turn a live stream and let people voyeur our everyday sex life).  This fear kept me from being intimate with any girl, even though I did have a few chances.  I began crying, my stomach soaked in my own semen, and Venice asked me what was wrong.  I could only say, “You are never going to love me after this.” In my mind, I felt almost used, exposed, and my biggest fear had came true: A girl saw everything about me, knew what it was like to experience me, and I knew nothing about her.  

I was wrong about my fear and shortly after Venice and I began having sex. She had been the only girl I was ever comfortable enough to let her see me nude, and to also maintain my erection without my nerves getting to me.   As far as I know, Venice never talked about her experience with me to others, and none of her friends giggled at me, made fun of me, or said anything to me about what had happened.  

I think crying after sex has to do with our society making sex  taboo and shameful, especially prior to marriage. You are also coming down from an endorphin high, which messes with the chemical balance of your body.  Even if you do not have an orgasm, sex feels good because your whole body has a chemical reaction.  Endorphins are released and you feel this very strong connection and euphoric feeling.  As soon as sex stops, sometimes the connection stops as well.  The high goes away and reality sits in.  “Was I just used?  Am I a slut?  Does he really even love me?  Why am I doing this?”  Below is a an article I found regarding my answer:

According to a 2015 study published in Sexual Medicine, crying after sex (known as post-coital dysphoria or PCD) is a bit more common than one would think, at least in college-aged women. The research found 46 percent of those surveyed had cried at least once after sex, while five percent of those surveyed had felt down or blue multiple times after intercourse in a four-week span.

Ian Kerner, a sex therapist who spoke to Health about the topic, said that part of the reason why PCD occurs in some cases is chemically based. “Especially for women, sex and orgasm can release the hormone oxytocin, which facilitates attachment and connection,” Kerner said. But, especially with more casual sexual encounters, there can be a disconnect between the chemicals signaling attachment and the fleeting reality of the situation. “With a pattern of fight, have sex, and repair, the sex may feel great, but afterward, you may realize you aren’t really connected or you’re still angry,” explains Kerner. 

Additionally, the Health article mentions PCD to be reflective of issues in a relationship if it occurs after intercourse with your significant other (although, sex is one of those totally normal things couples fight about).  Kerner says that more research is needed on the topic, but recommends seeing a sex therapist as a possible avenue to addressing the experience. – Health

 

Q&A: Should I Tell My Husband I Am Gay?

Should I Tell My Husband I Am Gay?

We got married seven years ago after dating for just four months. I was in my early 20s, a virgin, without any sexual experience and I thought my attraction to women was a phase that I would get over once I started having sex with a man. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen, and I’ve been repressing my desires ever since.

I genuinely love and care for my husband, he’s my best friend and the father of my children, we have built a family, a home and a life together. I would never walk away from him, we still have sex 2-3 times a week which is a lot after seven years and two kids. I do enjoy having sex with him. Physically it feels good, and it’s the only kind of sex I know. Initially, I had vaginismus, a psychological condition where the vagina muscles tense up, but I’ve learnt to relax. We do most things in bed but the act that makes me the most uncomfortable is kissing. I’ve never enjoyed kissing, especially passionate open-mouth kissing. When he initiates a kiss, I try to turn away or close my lips or let him kiss me while I think of something else. He has noticed this, but I’ve just told him that I don’t like to be kissed on the lips. This is the only thing that I dislike… I actually enjoy or don’t mind the other parts of our sex life.

Lately, I’ve been more and more curious about what it would be like to be with a woman. It’s a longing almost. I want to find the woman of my dreams, yet I don’t want to give up the life I have with my husband. I want to stay with him, I want to keep having sex with him, but I want to see other women.

I’m not bisexual, I’m 99% gay. I haven’t been attracted to men other than my husband, and my attraction to him only slowly developed over the course of many months.

I’m worried about how he would respond. I don’t want him to think that I’ve been deceiving him all this time or that I’m not attracted to him or that I’m going to leave him. I’ve thought about telling him that I’m bisexual and want to explore my attraction to other women in real life, which he can handle I think. Or should I just tell him the truth.. that I’m gay and have always been this way?

Continue Reading Q&A: Should I Tell My Husband I Am Gay?

Top 30 NSFW Sub Reddits (You’re Welcome)

It is well known that the internet was created for nothing other than porn and all the other unimportant things, such as information, just kind of fell into place. The unsung hero of the internet’s true purpose is its powerful reach when it comes to pushing the boundaries of smut itself. One of the best purveyors of NSFW content you won’t find anywhere else is Reddit.  The best NSFW Reddit combines sex appeal with niche fetishes and kinks, celebrates body positive, and even delves into the surreal. Our list of those communities shines a light on some of the darkest, most perverted, and most popular spots on the internet.

We have our own naughty selfie section for those interested in seeing what we look like and share online.  Or you can play “Where’s Waldo” and find us posting on these naughty nsfw sub reddits below!


 

r/sex

Probably the main subreddit we browse.  We enjoy the witty comments, open-minded sexual questions, and enjoy reading various talk about random people’s sex life. It’s kind of what we do with our blog right?  We ourselves have posted on this subreddit numerous times, been called “trolls” because some of our adventures seem unreal to some users, and also have been complimented.  No hard feelings, we are real and we love this the r/sex sub reddit!  

r/normalnudes

The real MVP.  Men and women a bit self conscious about their bodies ask for feedback from the internet.  Protected by mods so you cannot troll or be mean, so it’s extremely body positive and fun to look at!  Enjoy.

r/gonewildhairy 

Like us, we are embracing natural hair, the natural bush, and both growing out our hair.  This is a nsfw sub Reddit that has stages of women going through hair growth.  It is beautiful and sexy.  We love it!

r/AsianBush

The asian bush.   The best bush.

You can follow her on twitter as well.

r/HairyPussy

Again with the hair!  Well, since we are both all natural and have decided to give up the razor, it only makes sense that we would enjoy a subreddit that is all about the beauty of the bush.  Not everyone’s cup of tea, but definitely ours!

r/erasernipples

This is another random subreddit we found very fun and sexy.  There are a lot of subreddits like this, very particular to what you are looking for.  If you love large nipples, like erasers, this subreddit is for you!

r/changingrooms

Selfies taken from changing rooms.  Help these ladies pick out the outfits they will be wearing that night.  Help them pick out the right panties and bra.  Or just look at them flashing their breasts while inside a changing room.

r/AsiansGoneWild

If you have followed our blog at all over the last 5 years, then you know Venice is Asian, and Ryan loves Asian women!  Well then of course they love the subreddit of amateur Asian women sharing their bodies for fun!  Asainsgonewild is a hot spot for the Bloggs on reddit.  And if you have a thing for Asian women, this is where you will learn all about their naughty bits.

r/asianpussy

And one last Asian category to grow on.  Literally.  Good community, a lot of content, and you may find me there exposing myself!  Shhhhh, don’t tell anyone!  

Big trouble in little china! 

tiny asian vagina

r/tipofmypenis

Are you looking for that rare porn you remember masturbating to when you were younger?  That 3 second gif that you can’t stop staring at, wanting to see more.  That video that just shows 2 minutes and nothing else?  This subreddit is the brains behind helping you find any obscure video or porn star you have ever imagined.  If these guys can’t find it, no one can.  And if you think you can do better?  Join them and make them better.  

r/stupidslutsclub

Random amateur/real stories from women all over the world that proudly slut it up.  From public sex, to gang bangs, to whatever their heart desires.  Good reads.

r/grool

Girl drool.  Say no more.  Trust me, here at Sex Life and Everything we are finding the good stuff for you.  You’re welcome.

r/nostalgiafapping

If you grew up in the 90s, this is for you.  Before the internet, before pornhub, before xhamster, there was tv shows, short shorts, random cleavage, and Cinemax after 12 AM where we got all the fapping material needed.  Boys knew they hit puberty after seeing some of these scenes and photos.


25 More…

NSFW Reddit Gone Wild

There’s something for everyone in the sprawling corner of NSFW Reddit known as Gone Wild, or Reddit GoneWild. Here are the NSFW subreddits to start with.

1) r/GoneWild

The best-kept secret in amateur pornography on the internet. That is if you can still count it as a secret when almost a million people subscribe, and even more just pop in for a visit. Reddit GoneWild has fostered a deeply supportive community, with regulars and a dedicated pack of commenters. Reddit’s GoneWild allows people to safely explore their exhibitionist tendencies, but it’s basically just women. For readers looking to indulge in male nudity, keep reading.

 

Reddit nsfw : Amateur porn photo

 

Continue Reading Top 30 NSFW Sub Reddits (You’re Welcome)

Deepthroating: My Experience Learning To Deepthroat w/ Video

The original video we uploaded to our xhamster actual account was deleted years ago. I hated how I looked, my weight, etc. However, the internet never forgets. We reuploaded the file for the blog.  Although not the most complimenting version of me, it is actually a few days after I learned to deepthroat.  Blog and video originally shared on ( November 9, 2012)  

I didn’t know or understand what deepthroating was the first time I heard about it.  I thought it was simply taking a dick into your mouth as far as you could, or rather, as far as your body would allow.  My husband would tell me to deepthroat him, so I’d press his dick down as hard as I can in the  back of my mouth for a few seconds and gag.  I thought if you gagged it was deepthroating.  I was happy that I could let him feel the back of my throat and show him I could gag for him.   He was happy to feel the back of my throat, and truthfully, he took pride in his dick making me gag.  Ladies, it really isn’t a necessity to learn to deepthroat, because the truth is, some men prefer to feel superior.  It’s an ego thing, and men want to conquer us in every way.  However, to deepthroat a man is conquering him.  It’s empowering.  Watching a man’s face when you make his pride and joy disappear before his very eyes and leave him with what looks like  you eating his vagina, is emasculating. But, these men, who get deepthroated, learn to pride themselves in their woman’s ability.  Their pride is transferred onto their partner being able to do what no other women could.  And, it takes a real man to realize that he met his match.   But there is much more to it. Deepthroating has become one of the most sought-after talents that I never knew I wanted to learn.

Upon researching forums asking “Can your girl deepthroat?” I’ve heard of men (and even women) calling deepthroaters “slutty” or “whores,” but these are probably men whose women are close-minded, prude, or just can’t suck their dicks right; on the other hand, a sex forum surveyed its users (please keep in mind, this is a very highly sexual group surveyed) and 1 girlfriend out of 10 in these men’s past, had this skill.   Out of their current relationships, it averaged about 9 out of the 100 men had current spouses or girlfriends who had this skill. Interesting stats, not sure how true it holds up if surveyed at a political forum or otherwise.  If this statistic were accurate, I wanted so bad to be that <10% of the talented few who could please her man.

Learning to deepthroat was a challenge for me, albeit a fun challenge.  Even before I started, my mind was ready to do it.  I just knew that I would be able to deepthroat so easily.  I knew that I would learn it quick and master it in a few minutes.  I couldn’t have been more wrong.

For my first attempt, my husband, Ryan, was laying down while I was between his legs.  Even though my mind was open and willing, my body just wasn’t on the same page.  I did a little of my normal dick sucking, stroking while only going about two inches down.  It would only be a matter of time before I go “all the way down.”  I didn’t warm myself up.  I let his head go over the area where my hard palate ended, but as soon as I did, my body went into self-preservation mode, closed up my throat, and gagged his dick out.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but thinking back, that’s exactly what happened: my throat blocked off his cock as soon as I felt like I was in “danger.”  Even with me closing off my throat, I kept trying to force his dick down, and in doing so I was hurting my throat.  I was mentally accepting to the idea of deepthroating, but I wasn’t physically accepting…yet.  Needless to say, I failed that day.  I was disappointed, but since it was only my first attempt I would chalk it up as part of the learning process.

The next day I tried a different position.  Instead of being between his legs I would be on his left side.  I hoped that the contour of his dick would work better with the angle of my throat.  In theory, this position should have worked easily.  In theory.  I started off slow, licking and sucking seductively.  It was the only thing I knew.  But like the day before, I panicked, closed off the entrance to my throat, and gag reflex kicked in again and again.  I didn’t throw up, but a little bit of stomach acid crept up my throat.  As soon as I felt this, I hastily pushed it down toward the entrance yet again.  Imagine gargling mouthwash and how you block off your throat to keep from swallowing it – the area in your mouth that the mouthwash touches is the only area his dick touched, i.e. not down my throat.  I should have learned from the previous day’s attempt that it won’t work when you’re doing it in frustration.  At this point I didn’t realize that your mind and body have to be in sync to accomplish something.

I decided to stop for a day and reassess my strategies.  What was I doing wrong?  Is my throat too small?  Is his dick too long?  Too hard?  Am I a slow learner or am I just not destined to learn this?

So the next day I wanted to try it by 69ing with me on top.  I was determined to keep looking until I found a way to get this right.  I started off how I usually do: sucking and licking, getting myself warmed up, as well as my husband.  Then I let his dick head rub my hard palate, coaxing and getting myself used to it being back so far.  My throat skin was not used to having something rub against it.  I gagged, but I pushed myself to keep going, then pulled his dick out.  I worked his head to the same spot and I gagged again.  I tried a third time, but then I started coughing and gagging.  Once I get the tickle feeling in my throat it just worsened until finally I have to stop.  Which is exactly what happened.

 

After a few weeks of trying, I was finally a little more successful.  Ryan was my male cheerleader: “That’s it…keep going a little lower…oh! Almost got it!”  His talking was making me nervous and throwing me off so I told him to be quiet and just let me work.  I closed my eyes, relaxed my throat muscles and my jaw bone, and let his dick head slowly creep onto my soft palate.  That wasn’t too bad, I thought to myself.  I pulled back and sucked and licked a bit.  After about a minute I was ready to try again.  His head glided over my soft palate again, this time getting very close to my tonsils.  I let it linger over the soft palate before finally popping it toward my uvula (the little flap of skin that hangs down that looks like a boxing speed bag) and for the first time, dipping down into my throat.  As I felt his dick hitting the back of my throat, then curve down and slide deeper into my esophagus, my husband asks, “Did you do it?  Did it go down your throat?”  Upset that he couldn’t tell, I pull up off his dick and ask, “What do you think?!”  What did I expect?  He’d never felt his dick deepthroated and I had never deepthroated.  I was so excited that I finally did it!  It happened so fast!  Once you get passed the threshold where your throat wants to reject his dick, you just have to push it back.  Like pulling a Band-Aid…you have to do it fast or you’ll feel fear and dread the entire time.

One of my biggest concerns was choking and coughing and not being able to pull his dick out in time so I end up biting down on him (which has never happened).  Feeling a cock in your throat is kind of like feeling of suspending the food in your throat.  Try it yourself.  Eat a piece of bread and swallow, but try to keep it from going down your throat.  You can’t.  Why?  Your throat muscles automatically push food down to keep your windpipe clear and allow air to pass in and out.  If you could keep food in your throat and go against your body’s reaction to keeping your throat clear, that is the feeling of deepthroating, which may be why a reason why it’s such difficult skill to learn.

During this session, I deepthroated a few times, trying to get my accustomed to this new accomplishment.  It wasn’t anything as impressive as what I do now as far as techniques.  I didn’t push my face all the down into his crotch, I didn’t do the “washing machine” technique, or any of the others that I can do now, but as they say, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Once I realized 69ing was the best platform to get accustomed with deepthroating, I knew I had to try that position again.  It was my best chance.  By now I’d been practicing for a few days and despite not learning to deepthroat as fast as I’d hoped, I was still determined.  I mounted my man and stuffed my mouth with his cock.  I felt my mouth getting fuller and fuller as it expanded.  I waited until he was at 80% fully erect.  I lathered up his cock with my spit and lowered my mouth down.  My confidence had been building since I believed I had already deepthroated several days before this moment.  It was muscle memory of sorts.  Was I able to do it this day?  Yes!  I felt his head pop past the soft flesh in the back of my mouth and down into my throat.  I pulled him out, and did it again. And again. And again. My husband had no doubt that this was deepthroating.  True deepthroating.  I bobbed my head faster, easier.  Not necessarily further down.  But I was doing it!  I felt Ryan stop sucking my clit as he wanted to enjoy every second his dick plunged into a place no dick has ever been.  Ryan didn’t cum; he could cum any time he wanted.  It wasn’t everyday he would feel his wife finally learn to deepthroat for the first time.

 

 

Continued: Deepthroating A Dildo The Size of My Forearm

 Originally posted on Nov 9, 2012.