A Real Couple Blogging About Sex, Life, and Everything In Between +

July 20, 2015

Dirty Talk And What It All Means

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talk dirtyI’ve decided to write a blog about dirty talk and translate it with different perspectives, including my own.  This was written lightheartedly and isn’t intended to be fact.  I’m sure some men actually do have intelligible babble while they talk dirty in the bedroom.

His Actions and Words: <petting her head as she sucks his dick> “Good girl.”
Her Prude/Feminist Translation:  “He is petting me like I am a dog and saying good girl for doing a good job.  First, I am a woman, not an animal or his child.  This type of talk is makes him feel like a man and an authoritative figure.  It brings out his caveman machismo, which is supposed to quench my instincts to please my man, it doesn’t.  I am supposed to be happy he is awarding my good behavior, I’m not.”
My Translation: “I am his pet, his little girl with my tight little pussy and tiny mouth. It hurts when I have to stretch my jaws around his cock.  I want to get recognition while I suck him off, so I will shake my little ass and wag my tailfeather for him.  I love the way he pets me to show his affection and appreciation.  God I love it when he calls me his good little girl.  He’s the only man on earth that can call me that and make my pussy drip.”
What He Is Really Thinking: “Awwwwwwwwww ughhhhhhhhhhhhh ihhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhh awwwwwwwww (unintelligible babble).”

His Words: “Suck my dick like a porn star you sexy bitch.”
Her Prude/Feminist Translation: “First of all, you call me a bitch again and I will bite this fucking dick off.  As far as porn star, I’m much better than a porn star.  If I decide to suck your penis, because I want to, not because you want it, I do it because I love you, not to get paid.  You should be saying  ‘If you decide to continue putting your lips around my member, do it like you love me please.’   Any preconceived idea of a good blowjob from a disgusting adult video is the opposite of sexy.”
My Translation: “Oh he wants me to spit all over his cock and twist my wrists and see how hard it is to give him an indian burn with his dick all wet.  He wants me to slam my face onto his shaft and open my mouth wide so I can lick his balls as I have his cock so far down my throat I can’t breath.  He is in the mood for me to leave his dick sore from all the friction and movement.  I’ll be your little porn star slut.  Show this sexy bitch the audition room, Mr. Big Dick.”
What He Is Really Thinking: “Awwwwwwwwww ughhhhhhhhhhhhh ihhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhh awwwwwwwww (unintelligible babble).”

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July 16, 2015

Cooking And Sex

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Cooking and Blow JobsRyan and I have fetishes. He told me last night that his fetish was sex and that my fetish was food. And it’s true – I love a good meal, always choosing leftovers over fast food. It doesn’t turn me on to gamble with food I pick up through the drive through window. I have too many fast food horror stories, e.g. finding a wasp in my tomato slice (thank you, McDonald’s) and a wadded up napkin in my milkshake (fuck you, Steak n’ Shake). I hate fast food. I wish it would die.

Four days ago he told me that he appreciated me and everything I do for him. This wasn’t a new thing for him to say or for me to hear. I know he appreciates me because he tells me everyday. And he knows that I know because he makes sure I know. This is how Our Circle works – constant reminders to each other, ongoing, never stopping. So, what other way to show his appreciation for me than to promise to cook for me every day? How could I turn that down?! He’s kept his promise to grill for me every Friday for the past 4 years. Every Friday for 4 years has been so much better because I looked forward to his steaks, to spending time with him, and to be spoiled with his kindness and appreciation. I was never a big steak eater, but because he was cooking for me, I found myself becoming a steak connoisseur once a week.

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July 13, 2015

Random Moments – Sleeping Beauty

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sleeping beautyDuring work at about 2 P.M. I got a text message from Venice saying she had a bad headache and she was headed to the store to buy some Ibuprofen.  It’s allergy season so I figured it was no big deal.   At about 5:30 P.M. I see her car pull up to my office and she gets out and switches seats.  I call her on her cell and ask what is going on. She tells me she is tired and needs me to drive her home.  She felt guilty because she knew I wasn’t off yet and offered to sleep in the car until I was off work.   Of course I immediately close down and go outside to see what is wrong with her.  She asked if I could leave my car at work and drive her home.  She can’t seem to stay awake.  I agree, but ask if I need to take her to the hospital.  Something just wasn’t right.

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July 9, 2015

Where Did All My Jealousy Go?

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jealousyWhen Ryan and I first started dating, I told him that if he ever cheated on me, I would leave him. I loved him hard and I loved him and only him. I was clingy (I mean super clingy), jealous, and loved his attention, and in return, he would get someone who would do anything for him. Back then, I had a very no-nonsense attitude about relationships and my opinion about cheating was very black and white. If you have sex another, girl – definitely cheating. If you kiss another girl, even drunkenly at a party – still cheating. I mean, if you put yourself in a situation where there’s alcohol and you have the opportunity to kiss someone else, that’s just not very smart. And if you even talk to another girl – yes, still cheating. There was no in between, semi-cheating, “I-cheated-but-it-didn’t-mean-anything-to-me” – I must not mean anything to you if you decide to any of the above-mentioned to me. Simple as that.

I carried a lot of my high school jealousy into my marriage. Actually all of it. And Ryan knew this, so if there was ever a time when jealousy came out, he was very, very good at allaying my fears and insecurities. That’s what good husbands do. He has never purposely tried to hurt my feelings or make me jealous about anything. He never brought up his past, other girls, etc., no matter how mad he got. He trivialized every past experience – kiss, touch, etc. – to the point where he was disgusted by anything that didn’t involve me. It made me feel really good. His job as a man and as a husband was to keep me from succumbing to my weakness. Some people need a workout partner, some need an AA sponsor, others need support groups. Ryan was my support group, and yes, I needed it…for a long time. It’s as if he was engineered to handle my jealous, clingy personality.

Am I proud of my old self? Not really. I certainly didn’t set out to be the way I was. It’s just how I was. Ryan’s personality and sensitivity complemented my clinginess and qualms. If we were Tetris blocks, he’d be the square-block to my inverse L-block. I can’t imagine how excruciatingly tiresome it must have been to be this 24-hour lion tamer, well lioness tamer, always having to keep me fed, happy, calm, from attacking everyone in the circus, figuratively speaking. I just know I couldn’t do it.

Now, fast-forwarding 15 years after we said our I-dos and it’s difficult to imagine myself how I used to be. I recall how I felt, but I can’t imagine being that way. I empathize with the old me, but now I just see myself as plain silly. I would refer to myself now as the “adult” me, but being an adult means more than just reaching age 18 or getting married, having kids, or being in a long-term relationship. It’s about emotional maturity and the capability to reason. THAT is the adult me.

However, I often wonder: where did all my jealousy go? It didn’t go away overnight. It was a very gradual change which took a lot of work on both of our parts. I no longer rely on threatening to leave Ryan if he cheated on me, because it was really just an empty threat. We’ve spent half our time on Earth together and in that time he has proven that he had no intentions on cheating on me (by any of my definitions). It took years to earn my trust and it shouldn’t go unrewarded. In return we talked in-depth about threesomes, open relationships, and of course, dealing with our changing outlook on our marriage.

Since becoming more receptive to conversations never-spoken as little as five years ago, we’ve change fundamentally the people we’ve been. We’ve been closer, we argue more communicate more, which can lead to debates and arguments, but like passing gas, it feels so much better to let it out than to keep it. We talk like how we used to when we were young and in love and trying to get to know each other more. And we’re doing it again, finding ourselves and establishing our roles in our marriage and relationship. Only the jealousies are near non-existent. Because I’d be lying if I said I had absolutely no traces of the old me. It’s this little bit left that Ryan smiles at when I blow up his texts, when he gets 5 missed calls from me, and when he kisses me on the forehead after finally coming home from…wherever. The foundation that our relationship was built on, i.e. my jealousies and his nurturing, remains, and everything that’s built up on it over time is supported by it.

July 6, 2015

Sexual Guilt From Having Such A Giving Spouse

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sexual guiltHow can anyone be guilty from having a spouse that is so giving?

It really is very easy, especially when you are open about your sex life.  When people find out about me being woke up to blow jobs each day, or that we practice intimacy twice a day, they immediately find something wrong with it.  I’ve heard from others that I must be controlling, I must be too needy, it must be torture for my wife to give so much of her time to me, we’re not normal, everyone needs breaks from sex, and the list goes on and on.  I’ve heard my friends’ wives respond, “Oh that poor girl,” when speaking about Venice and the amount of time she spends with me (maybe 30 – 45 minutes a day total on average).   When I say I am open about my sex life, I do not mean I give all the details about everything I do sexually.  That’s what this blog is for.  What I do mean is, most of our close friends do know about our circle and know that Venice and I are intimate daily.

Although we are raised to believe certain rules and moral codes as children, when we become an adult it is important that we rethink our childhood teachings. What were our parents trying to teach us, what were they trying to protect us from, and what does our own belief system and worship of God teach us? Blaming our parents or our religion for our feelings is not taking full responsibility for our own growth and re-evaluation. Most people grow up, and evaluate what their parents did right and what they did wrong. After this evaluation, they decide what they will do differently in their lives, and the way they parent their children.  What happens with guilt is oftentimes different. No matter how we change our thinking, we may continue to suffer guilt when we engage in something that we grew up thinking was verboten. Sexual guilt is one of those areas that affect many couples’ lives. As with most issues in a relationship it will be easier if you address and talk about it with your committed partner.
~ Mary Jo Rapini, Licensed Relationship and Family Therapist

I believe a lot of the disconnect with intimacy and relationships is because of how we were “programmed” as children.  Venice is given “social” sympathy (not really sympathy, but almost a sarcastic response to the idea of having sex too much) as a “poor girl” because each day she has decided to wake up and spend intimate time with me for 10 minutes.  Yet it’s totally acceptable for her to work for 8 hours each day.

So let me try to put this in perspective so I can understand it better.  10 minutes a day to keep your marriage strong and your spouse happy; weird and unusual.  8 hours a day to spend away from your spouse and family, busting your ass to pay bills and earn money; normal and acceptable.   According to the American Time Use Survey, an average person watches 2.6 hours of television a day.   Men spend 6.0 hours for leisure activities each day, while women spend 5.2.   This is all normal and acceptable.  I’ve never heard anyone suggest to Venice that she was a “poor girl” because she watches her favorite show or spends time on the computer each night.  However, if she has to spend intimate time with her husband each day, that’s considered unusual.  Not that “you” time isn’t important, but “us” time is equally important in my opinion.   Especially considering a lot of your security, happiness, comfort, and complacency in life is based off the idea that you have already found your life partner and you no longer have the stresses of being alone or looking for someone to date.  In essence, making sure you and your spouse are both happy, is also “you” time.  Well, if you have your priorities straight and you aren’t self centered.

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