After work yesterday, Ryan and I went to the mall to look for a birthday present for his sister. “I think she needs a new wallet,” I told him. So we entered through Sears because it was the quickest way to get to Old Navy.
As we were walking through the ladies section, stopping and glancing at different outfits, Ryan says,”I’m so hungry.” His face looked weary because he skipped lunch that day.
“Me too,” I replied.
He shuffled his feet, exaggerating his hunger even more. “I want Chinese food,” he suddenly said as we passed by the ladies shoes.”
“Yea! That sounds good!” I said. We hadn’t eaten Chinese food in a few weeks and it sounded like a good idea.
“Mmm…I’d really like Mongolian Chicken…onions steaming hot and soft, dripping with sauce…and Sesame Chicken…Oh, god!! Thinking about it makes me want to orgasm!” As he said the word “orgasm” we passed by a lady hidden behind the lingerie panties and lingerie section. She gave Ryan a shocked look like, “I knew I shouldn’t have worn my yoga pants today.”
I looked at Ryan, laughed and said, “She gave you that, quit looking at my nipples glare!”
“Oh yea, she’ll have a story for her husband tonight.” Ryan continued, “Oh Em Geeeee George, this guy was peering at my from behind the panty rack just watching me hold these brown silk bras up to my bosoms. I can tell he was like a savage animal ready to pounce on me before he yelled out to everyone that he was orgasming to me. I feel so violated, sugar muffins!” Orgasm Drive-By Orgasm Drive-By Orgasm Drive-By
I’ve recently discovered the joys of creampies. Ok, not quite recently. I know what they are as I’ve seen them in a few porns. And to be honest, I thought it was pretty disgusting. But for those of you who aren’t aware of what a creampie is, lemme ‘splain. A cream pie is when a man ejaculates in a vagina and the semen seeps out. Similarly, an anal creampie is the same, only it comes out of her bootay. So when the semen comes out, it looks like, you guessed it, a creampie.
When I was four-years-old, a classmate and I got in front in front of our kindergarten class and sang a song for everyone. I wish I can tell you it was “Billie Jean” and that it ended a moonwalk. I wish I can tell you that we brought puppets and put on a cute little show. And I really wish I had brought in a photo album with pictures of me as a flower girl at my uncle’s wedding. But that would not be very exciting. We rehearsed for hours in my tiny room in my tiny apartment a neat little number about boyfriends. One hand on our hips while the other raised an index finger to the audience as we sang in unison: “And I’m gonna find me a boyfriend…a boyfriend…a boyfriend. And I’m gonna find me a boyfriend…today!” We thought we were hot shit, she and I. The next day, my teacher, who was friends with my mom, had an impromptu parent-teacher conference in our kitchen. “Come on, V…sing the song again!”
Below is a great list of sex education links to various websites. We have decided to share them with our readers thinking maybe one of these will be useful. If not, maybe your child accidentally seeing your history will lead him to this link, instead of to all the smut and porn sites you browse daily. 🙂