Category: Sextras

On various Fridays we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

10. old man and young girl
Venice: That’s totally us, you know, since you’re older than me
Ryan: Um, yea, by a few weeks..!
Venice: That’s irrelevant. I like older men. You know this.
Ryan: We graduated high school together.
Venice: Shut up, old man.
Ryan: What?? I can’t hear you..
Venice: …
Ryan: …

9. real sex old couples
Venice: What a coincidence. They searched for “real sex old couples” and they found us.
Ryan: What is that supposed to even mean?
Venice: Poor baby.  Easily confused.  Alzheimers.   Who knows what else.
Ryan: What does any of that have to do with this being a coincidence?
Venice: Ryan, don’t think so hard, I’m worried you may have a stroke or something.  Would you like me to make you a hot cup of Ensure?
Ryan: Stop already.  The random keywords people search for leading to our blog doesn’t  mean I am old. It’s just  stupid keywords that has nothing to do  with us.
Venice: It’s okay, I understand it’s hard to accept Ryan.  I trust Google over you.  That’s all I am saying.   And the fact I like older men, further proves them right.
Ryan: Google can suck my penis and floss with my grey pubic hairs for all I care.
Venice: Dementia is setting in.

8. underage sex
Ryan: So yea, what was you saying again?
Venice: Fuck Google.  They can suck my pre-puberty titties for all I care.
Ryan: Hah!

7. old vagina
Venice: Yea, so these keywords are really stupid this week.
Ryan: What’s wrong Venice?  Old lady pampers in a bunch?
Venice: Don’t fuck around with a girl and her age or weight.  I will bite your fucking face off Ryan.
Ryan: Well, someone has sand in her vagina…old…the vagina is old that has sand in it but not you.  I am talking about another person’s old vagina that also is angry about Freaky Friday keywords and threatening to literally eat off their best friend’s face.
<Venice throws her sandal at Ryan>

6. tiny penis & wet cunt blog
Venice: Can I have my sandal back please?
Ryan: Nope.  Welcome to shoeless world.
Venice: Ryan, you know my feet are old and brittle, I don’t want to step on glass on accident.
Ryan: We are in the bedroom, your feet are fine.
Venice: Pleeeaaassseee?
Ryan: Adding more letters to your please does not change my mind.
Venice: I’ll suck yo dick…
Ryan: No more ammo for you, this war may not be over yet.  I may not be a smart man, but I’ve learned what the sandals are capable of.
Venice: Pretttty please?  If you give it back I will totally ignore this next keyword, which I believe has the term tiny penis in it.
Ryan: So yea, I definitely think we should make sure your feet stay warm.  I don’t want you to step on any sharp objects like glass or something.  Good point Venice.
Venice: Ahh, that’s so sweet.  See how just a tiny little bit of kindness goes a loooongggg…
Ryan: …awwww you said you wouldn’t do that!
Venice: Okay okay, do you love me though?
Ryan: Yes, you know I do. Let’s just bury the hatchet and move to the next keywords, okay?
Venice: Deal.

5. what are the statistics that mature women walk around in public with butt plugs
Ryan: I love scientific perverts.  Not just Googling for smut, but instead wanting to know the statistics of old ladies that like to walk around all day with big ass butt plugs in their granny panties.
Venice: Tiny penis and wet cunts…
Ryan: …
Venice:  I had to pee this morning so I went into the bathroom.  I bent down and heard this loud clink sound.  I looked into the toilet and my butt plug fell into the water!
Ryan: Hahahaha.  Random.
Venice: Seriously.  I then had to make a decision.
Ryan: What? Not to wear your butt plug after you analed the night before because your ass is so loose it can whistle when you walk?
Venice: Even though that comment was pretty douchey, no.  I had to make a real decision.
Ryan: What?  I like hearing the Andy Griffith theme song when you walk by.
Venice: Anyway, I had to decide if I was going to try to flush the butt plug, take it out of the water and throw it away, or clean it off and take it home.
Ryan: Yea, that’s a tough decision.  So?
Venice: Flushed.
Ryan: Whaaaaaat!?  Bullshit.
Venice: I wasn’t going to dig it out.
Ryan: No way that thing flushed.
Venice: Big 300 pound men can drop a log and it flushes with no problems.  Trust me, that anal plug is headed to the big ocean in the sky.
Ryan: That would be funny if the next Nemo movie your butt plug is in the background.
Venice: Hah!  Also, tiny penises…
Ryan: …

4. girl gets fast cum in ass
Venice: That doesn’t surprise me that they ended up here.
Ryan:  Uh…huh?   Are you saying that I cum fast when I fuck your ass?
Venice: I’m just saying that you’ve always said anal was an intense feeling.
Ryan: No, that wasn’t just what you were saying.
Venice: What was I just saying?
Ryan: You were suggesting that you weren’t surprised those search terms led to our blog.
Venice: Yea, because I cum super duper  fast when you’re in my ass.
<Venice looks away and scratches her neck.>
Ryan: Yea uh huh.  Maybe I’m just super duper excited to finish fast so I can hear the Andy Griffith theme song.
<Ryan rubs his forehead with his middle finger.>
Venice: Maybe it’s whistling because it’s extremely bored.
<Venice rubs her nose while making an L with her hand.>
Ryan: Wow, really?
Venice: I love you.
Ryan:  Your love  isn’t a band-aid and I’ve been seriously wounded.
<Venice reaches up with her fingers to close Ryan’s eyes>
Venice: Just close your eyes Ryan, go to the light.  Let it go.  Just let it go Ryan…
Ryan: …NEXT FUCKING SEARCH TERM PLEASE.

3. beautiful penis
Venice: Before you start, yes, Ryan, your penis is beautiful.
Ryan: Do you mean beautiful in a “Brazilian supermodel” way or a “baby penis with angels smiling innocently in a Renaissance painting” way?
Venice: I mean I like how your veins envelope your penis.  I like the color and how the head is proportional and pretty. I like how it makes my cervix pop in a painful/pleasant way and makes me walk funny or  bleed all over the sheets the next day kind of way.
Ryan: Yea, those are all good answers, too.  But Brazilian supermodel beautiful or baby penis of love artistic beautiful?
Venice: You mean like a tiny penis?
Ryan: …
Ryan: Come on.
Venice: What?
Ryan: …
Venice: Okay, a Brazilian supermodel way.  <sighs>
Ryan: Yes!

2. الفيديو الجنسي في آسيا 
Venice: الفيديو الجنسي في آسيا؟
Ryan: أعتقد أنها ينبغي أن تكون أكثر تحديدا
Venice: بالضبط. لأن هناك العديد من البلدان الآسيوية
Ryan: أوه لا … هنا نذهب مرة أخرى
Venice: ماذا؟ هناك!

1. is it true that when a mans sperm is poured into a womans ass the ass will become bigger
Venice: This has an urban legend undertone to it.
Ryan: Yea, this is not the first time I’ve seen this searched.
Venice: This week alone I saw “womans ass bigger with semen,” “does a woman’s anus grow because of semen,” and “I came in my wife’s ass will it get larger”
Ryan: Who the hell wants to know this? I mean, semen has great properties, but to make a body part BIGGER? If that were the case I’d be rubbing my semen all over my cock every day as much as humanly possible.
Venice: Tiny penises all over the world would rejoice…
Ryan: …we had a fucking deal!?
Venice: Okay, give me a retry!
Ryan: The topic was about sperm having the ability to make things larger.
Venice: In that case my pussy would be as large as the planet Jupiter from all your cum that has been inside me.
Ryan: Wow, that was kind of hot.
Venice: Yea it was…