Freaky search terms, where we post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website. Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.
Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms. Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.
10) meaning of two woman doing a double blow job on male
Venice: That can only mean one thing: lucky!
Ryan: Amen.
9) i need a female ass i can look at while i rub my dick all nude
Venice: Well buddy, you’ve come to the right place!
Ryan: We’ve got a great selection of asses: round asses, jiggly asses, flat asses – you name it.
Venice: Ass is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey’s uh, ass-kabobs, ass creole, ass gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There’s pineapple ass, lemon ass, coconut ass, pepper ass, ass soup, ass stew, ass salad, ass and potatoes, ass burger, ass sandwich. That- that’s about it.
Ryan: …
Venice: Yummy, so hungry all the sudden!
8) lets talk about our hairy balls
Venice: This sounds like a pamphlet at a doctor’s office.
Ryan: Right next to “The Human Penis: The Science Behind Your Sperm Tunnel”
Venice: And “Mommy, why do I cry on my period?”
Ryan: Don’t forget “Prostate Massages: The Inner Workings of Your Anus”
7) when i knew i was at the back of her throat i shot my load wow!
Venice: This guy’s reaction is great. It’s like he just wants to emphasize how excited he was. Tadoww!
Ryan: I know that feeling. I get it when I facefuck you. Shazam!
Venice: And similarly, I love facefucking. Zippadeedodah!
6) anal cum swallow being judged
Venice: This is a judge-free zone. If you swallow cum that came out of someone’s ass, no one will judge you.
Ryan: I give your response a solid 9 Venice.
Venice: You give my response a solid 8 for sure.
Ryan: …
Venice: Aww, are you blushing?
Ryan: Shutup.
5) tickle and fuck her good
Venice: Tickle? To me, getting tickled is very painful and excruciating. So how about no! For me that is like, “Punch her in the face with your hands dipped in glue and glass and then fuck her good”
Ryan: Or “Pull out her fingernails and teeth with pliers and then make slow sweet love to her”
Venice: Exactly!
4) why do penis tickle my vagina
Venice: Ok wait…is “tickle” slang for something?
Ryan: Kids these days. I can never keep up with the new lingo.
Venice: Ryan, your penis doesn’t tickle me, jack. I think it’s dyn-o-mite!
Ryan: Listen here, jive turkey. I can dig it.
Venice: Me too, sucka!
3) x-hamster struggle of baseball girl
Venice: Ouch! I saw one of these a long time ago. I wonder if that’s the same one.
Ryan: Probably not. I can’t imagine how many more chicks have stuck baseball bats in their vaginas on camera now, with cellphones and cam sites being commonplace.
Venice: “Baseball Girl 2: The 2nd Inning, 2 Balls No Strikes, Starring Lance Armstrong and Tom Green”
Ryan: “Baseball Girl 3: The 3rd Inning, 3 Balls 1 Strike, starring Dan Abrams and Mr Hands.
Venice: “Baseball Girl 4: The 4th Inning, Baseball Girl vs. Pickle Jar Boy”
Ryan: Ouch.
Venice: I know right!
Ryan: “Baseball Girl 5: The 5th Inning, Balls and Bases Loaded”
Venice: “Baseballs Girl 6: The 6th Inning, Pitching A No Hitter, Girls Only Soft(balls) starring Caitlyn Jenner”
Ryan: I’d watch it.
Venice:You bet your ass we wood!
Ryan: I see what you did there, wood, baseball bat. I’m catching what you’re throwing.
Venice: “Baseballs Girl 9: The 9th Inning Stretch, MANDINGO UP TO BAT”
Ryan: Ha!!!
2) my husband is cheating on me with a man but he has a big cock big cock gay sex porn
Venice: This term seems to imply that it would be okay for him to cheat because it’s gay sex.
Ryan: She also implies that it’s okay because one of them has a big cock. Like, if your cheating with an Asian, that relationship is OVER.
Venice: We definitely do not condone cheating, but guys, if you’re going to cheat, make sure he’s got at least 8 inches and above. If he doesn’t, you’re just a filthy man-whore.
1) my wife don’t want my dick she wants pig dick porn
Ryan: Looks like he’s been outdone by Babe.
Venice: She wants a little oinker in her Charlotte’s Web
So sometimes I get messages from different people that view local profiles I have on social media. Almost always from men pretending to be women, but sometimes I do get messages from actual girls (I think). Whether it be close ups of their unshaved vaginas or some random ass shot, I tend to giggle and move on with my day. If it’s something pleasant and appropriate, of course I respond, I’m always looking for a nice girl to play with.
Well, LELO and it’s customer service are bar none, the best we’ve worked with. Their items? The best we’ve played with. The Tiani™ 24K is no exception. Now, the 24K edition of this toy is not yet released (it should be released after this review has been published). It’s absolutely stunning. Truthfully, sex toys really shouldn’t be this beautiful, because it really only takes Ryan and I just a few minutes to get our cum all over them. But let’s get to the Tiani™. You’ve probably seen a very popular design that resembles the Tiani™. Yes, I am talking about the We-Vibe, which we personally didn’t have a great experience with. So you’re probably wondering why we would review a toy very similar in design. Because you should buy the Tiani™ rather than the We-Vibe. Well let me say, We-Vibe had a great idea, with mediocre implementation. LELO fixed what was my biggest issue with the We-Vibe, comfort.
Being familiar with the design meant we needed very little prep time for this review session. I came out of the shower and looked at Ryan already on the bed slowly stroking his semi erect penis. He was already lubed up so we were ready to go. I came over to the bed and grabbed his penis and started stroking it for him. As I would switch hands, I would rub the free hand, now moist with lubrication from Ryan’s dick, on my own vagina to make sure the Tiani™ could easily slide inside me. The only problem? Ryan felt too erect. Yes, too erect. We have been together for over 17 years and if his dick is too hard, it can be extremely uncomfortable for me. You’d think after all these years my insides would have morphed to match with his penis like a puzzle, but a majority of the time Ryan is at about 85%, where his penis still has flexibility. This slight give in his penis is what feels the most comfortable for me. However, when I orgasm through penetration, it’s usually due to the deep pain and rough sensations I need when I am horny. Sometimes I love the punishment, sometimes I don’t. Tonight, it has me a bit tensed up because I’m not in the mood to have my insides destroyed. I getmy penetration orgasms are always due to the stabbing deep pain. Why does sex have to be so complex? so it has some give while inside my body. When he has his high school erection, it’s like being fucked by a large wooden stick that just destroys my insides no matter how much we lubricate. Not that sex is overrated, but sex with a penis that has no give is extremely overrated for me, especially from certain angles.
In the 7th grade, an Indian girl will have a crush on you. She and her friend will call your house and ask you why you are so mean to her or why you don’t like her, and even write letters saying the same. You will think she is very cute, but to everyone else in class she is seen as very clumsy. Sadly, you will think she is nice and pretty, but because of race and because of her being known to be clumsy, you would rather be single than deal with your classmates wondering why you would date someone like her. You will never date her. At Christmas she will give everyone in class a lollipop and a small note. Your note will be super long. After you read the first few lines, you will ask your friend to see his note and it will be like, “It’s a good time to be happy!” (end note). You letter will start, “All year I really have been nice to you and don’t understand what I did to make you so… ” You will stop there and throw the note in the garbage. Don’t feel bad. You’re not the only one who has missed an opportunity to be happy because of peer pressure. Like the time when you were 4 and you had a crush on your neighbor, the one who everyone said you were boyfriend & girlfriend with. 
Yes, I know about that 🙂 I know that you played together every day and made mud pies, but after everyone teased you, you were purposely mean to her because you’d rather be “single” and not make mud pies than be teased for having a girlfriend. You really liked her but society made you hate her. I had a friend just like that when I was your age who I played with every day, got teased the same way too. And, like you, I was purposely mean. But what I did was knock him down as he was sitting on the trunk of his parents’ car and made him land on the car hitch. I walked away as he stood crying. Anyway, you will end up marrying a very dark Filipino woman to make up for your racism. You and I are cut from the same cloth, which is probably why we are drawn to each other.
The Womanizer is not your normal woman’s sex toy. When I got the product, I didn’t know that, but after turning it on it didn’t take me long to realize that I wasn’t dealing with your average sex toy that shakes your vagina until you have no choice but to orgasm before your pelvis goes numb. The truth is, a lot of times I will use a product for a review, take mental notes on how it feels, not achieve an orgasm, and throw it to the side and ask Ryan to fuck me so I can get off. This wasn’t one of those times.
So what makes the womanizer different? Well, it has a sort of suction function that pulls your clitoris up inside the soft silicone circle area and only vibrates that exact area. In fact, when my clitoris was inside the suction area, the vibrator was almost completely silent…and so was I. It was like putting my little clit in a straight jacket, then throwing it inside a padded room and letting it bounce against the walls like an insane person. Ryan knows when to leave me alone. If my eyes close, my free hand instinctively spreads my vulva, I stop breathing, and my head drops back, it’s about to be on.