The Walking Dead Head

captSo after drinking all night, Ryan walks up to me and grabs my ass, which is so sore from taking a beating from the night before.  He laughs, I giggle and say it’s not funny but I smile anyway at the idea that my ass has a huge purple mark from last night’s photo session.  That blog is coming soon.  Anyway, Ryan motions for me to take off my shorts.   I notice the huge bulge in his pants.  He dives his face in my pussy and ass, sticking his tongue deep in my rear. Hell yea, we’re about to anal, I think.  After wetting me up good with his tongue, I watch him wet his dick.  I moan, excited to feel the pressure of his fat cock in my ass.  He slowly slides his bald-headed baby Jesus in with no problem.  Being that we’re both so drunk, I’d say my man is skilled enough to land an airplane safely even if he were half-conscious.  The guy’s got skills.

I guess getting real Cialis big-headed, he calmly lays at my side because he decides to get me off by while sucking nipples and rubbing my clit while he fucks my ass.  I look over to Ryan and ask him to get back on top, letting him know this isn’t a good idea.  I know if he can’t stay 100% hard, he’s not going to get that big thing in my tight ass.

He mumbles something half-drunk trying to be sexy and starts rubbing my clit.  I immediately close my eyes as I start to feel the orgasm building.  In seconds, I slowly feel a soft penis slither out of me.  Desperate, Ryan squeezes the base of his penis to bring all the blood forward to create one last effort of what was once a beautiful erection.  This is like trying to shove a loaf of bread in keyhole.  I shake my head, skilled enough to land an airplane…only if he can keep the engine running.  He gives up and lets his penis dangle as he slides one finger in my ass while his thumb rubs my clit.  He’s sucking one nipple with his hand on the other.  Too drunk to feel sorry for him, I close my eyes and focus on my orgasm.

After a few minutes, I climax.  I notice that he’s desperately pulling at his soft penis.  I slide over sideways and start kissing on his nipple while whispering a dirty story to him.  His penis is done.

With my other hand I start tickling his ass and rubbing his balls, which helps get his penis half erect.  This is all he needs.  His legs and muscles tighten up.  He asks if I want to taste his cum.  I get off his shoulder and whisper in his ear that I want to watch it shoot out and eat it off his body.

Before I continue, we have one rule that we aren’t against, but we just don’t do: if Ryan is in my ass, we prefer to keep his dick out of my mouth.  Not that it’s gross, but there’s E-coli..and we are definitely not porn stars.

As I was saying, Ryan’s lying on his back, muscles are tensed up, his ass is arched up in the air, and his once hanging balls now resembles a walnut. Both drunk, I am now watching his cum fly everywhere.  Before he can finish, I attack the sperm on his body.  Being extra silly, I began rubbing my face in his stomach, his cum shooting into my hair and ear.  I turn my head towards his dick, mouth wide open and tongue out.  Ryan immediately reaches and grabs my hair with one hand while his other hand yanks his dick down towards his knee so I couldn’t suck the cum off his dick head.  Drunkenly thinking it’s because he’s sensitive, I playfully make the gagging noise and force my way to his dick.  He’s pulling my hair and screaming, “STOP!!!”  It’s like the scene from “The Walking Dead” when the Governor is holding his young zombie daughter by her hair to keep her from eating him.  I’m almost positive if there was a pillowcase near Ryan, it would be over my head.  Now laughing hysterically, but holding me by my hair, he reminds me that his dick was in my ass.  I laugh and stop.

Shower, blog….still tipsy.

Video: The Sound of Christmas Sex and My Broken Nipple Charm

Video was removed from hosting site.

From December 1st until Christmas, Ryan and I decided to do naughty Christmas cards and post them on Twitter, 25 total.  For our 5th card, I took bell earrings and turned them into nipple charms.  Using two wire pliers, I hooked tiny little hoops (four sets of 10), draped them from the ends of each piercing with the bell dangling in the center.  I didn’t put too much effort into tightening each hoop because I would only be wearing them long enough to snap a few photos.

I noticed that the picture turned out better than we expected as I looked at the finished product.  I joked with Ryan telling him, “I bet you want to make these bells ring.”

I untie his robe and run my nails along his inner thigh, spreading his legs and exposing his dick to me.  I grab both balls with my left hand and stroke with the other.  He grows thicker and fatter with each second.  I quickly put my warm mouth around him.  He moans excitedly, slowly pumping his hips upward.  I bob my head up and down, gently at first, with slight ‘tink tink tink’ noises coming from beneath me.  I see him reach for his phone.  “Keep going,” he tells me.

I bob my head faster and faster and the bells get louder.  I slam my face down into his body, deepthroating his cock.  The bells stop momentarily as my nose hits his crotch.  I lift up, alternating deepthroating and sucking his balls.  I’m slurping, gagging, slobbering, all down his balls.  ‘tink tink tink tink tink……tink….tink tink tink.’

I climb off of him and straddle his hips.  I rest my hands on his chest and work his dick into my pussy.  It slides in with ease.  I waste no time and get back into my bouncing.  I  put my hands on his legs behind me and tuck my feed under his armpits.  I rock my ass back and forth, but the jingling isn’t as loud.  I want to hear the jingling.  I sit back up, forcing the bells to ring with each up and down motion of my body.  I get eager, bouncing faster, louder, and more intense.

Just then the sound of the bells are no longer in stereo, but in mono. One has fallen off completely.  I get up to turn on the lights fearing the balls from my piercing have also fallen off.  But it hasn’t. Ryan’s eyes grow wide.  I follow his gaze.  The left bell has indeed fallen off and the right bell is hanging at one side.

My MacGuyver-style nipple charms didn’t survive the vigorous bouncing.  Ah, well.

What resulted, however, was an audio recording  (edited to make shorter).  I invite you to close your eyes and press play.

 

Hand Fetish – Big Hands, Long Fingers

hand fetish
Big hands and long fingers

 When I met Venice, her long slender fingers were gorgeous.  I used to tell her how sensual it made her look.  I still feel the same but since my penis is now a blog model, I have noticed that the large hands make my penis look much smaller.  It reminds me of a porn scene when a woman is stroking a man’s dick and he looks huge.  His veins popping out and his balls look oversized.  As he is about to cum, he reaches down and moves her hand so he can stroke himself for the camera and unload on her face.  All the sudden, his huge cock becomes very average, sometimes even small, with his whole hand covering almost his entire shaft.   I mean, he goes from being stroked with two hands to barely being able to even move back and forth with one of his own hands.   I always get a kick out of this porn illusion.

Anyway, Venice and I were bored at work one day and we started a text conversation.  It all started the night before when I leaned over and asked Venice to put her hand in my lap.  She laughed and said, “What the hell, it is!   Do you think my hands are so big that they feel like a cover laying across you?”   We both laughed.

The next day I sent her a message :

Ryan: Your hands are so big you go to a basketball game and they think you are wearing the huge number 1 glove
Venice: My hands are so big when they called out “left hand yellow” during twister, I put my hand on the sun
Venice: My hands are so big I slapped you on the butt and you had to have your L3 – S2 spine replaced
Ryan: People walk up to you at events and ask where you got the hulk fists
Venice: My hands are so big I was ETs stunt double
Ryan: Arseno Hall said “Damn bitch, you have some big ass fingers”
Ryan: After sex you look over to the side of the bed and say, “give it up for the dog pound” “RUU RUU RUU RUU RUU”
Venice: Things that make you go..hmmmm
Venice: My hands are so big I could scratch your entire back in one stroke
Ryan: You waved goodbye to someone and accidently gave face of the moon a black eye
Ryan: In fact, you waved goodbye to someone and that was the last time they were ever seen.  Goodbye.
Venice: My hands are so big I use a telephone pole to order pizza
Ryan: lol
Venice: My hands are so big I use a paint roller to do my nails
Ryan: And you wear xxxxxl sweaters and use them as gloves in the winter.
Venice: My hands are so big I went to a palm reader and she had to take a cab to see where my life line ended
Ryan: Your palms are so big the palm reader tried to read your lifeline and said
Ryan: OMG, YOU ARE GOING TO LIVE FOR FUCKING EVER
Venice: “Wtf, you are immortal!”
Venice: My hands are so big when I played duck duck goose I smacked the runner from across the circle and said “sit down mf”
Ryan: lol
Ryan: You play slap jack with 20 people at once and never lose
Ryan: Your fingers look like arms
Venice: :O
Venice: My hands are so big you originally had to give me a hula hoop to propose
Ryan: LOL!
Ryan: When you type on your swype QWERTASDFZXYUIOHJKLNBMV QWERTASDFZXYUIOHJKLNBMV QWERTASDFZXYUIOHJKLNBMV QWERTASDFZXYUIOHJKLNBMV QWERTASDFZXYUIOHJKLNBMV QWERTASDFZXYUIOHJKLNBMV
Ryan: I just have to fucking figure out what you mean most of the time ^
Venice: Lol!
Venice: A team of cryptologists from the FBI took 2Weeks to decipher that I wanted it have lunch with you on Friday.
Ryan: When you turn down the tv, it turns the fucking tv up, turns it down, makes the menu screen pops up, brightness, contrast and the mother fucker turns off all at the same time.
Venice: Lol!
Ryan: How you dial numbers (1234567890 1234567890 1234567890) 1234567890 1234567890 1234567890 – 1234567890 1234567890 1234567890 1234567890
Venice: Lol ok ololololol!
Venice: My hands are so big I had the keypad from an arthritic telephone transferred into my cell
Ryan: In grade school people use to play the reflex game where you see if you are fast enough to slap hands
Ryan: Noone ever challenged you.
Ryan: A game of slaps with you was like a death sentence
Ryan: 9 people have died from playing patty cake with you
Venice: Lol!
Venice: Youngest person ever to be tried for involuntary manslaughter
Ryan: LOLOLOL
Venice: My hands are so big I was testing out the water in Thailand and that caused the tidal wave of 1993
Ryan: lol @ tidal wave
Ryan: Your fingers are like loafs of bread
Ryan: I’d like some lettuce and mayo with your thumb and index please
Ryan: Thank you
Ryan: When you wave down a cab, you literally wave down the fucking cab.
Ryan: Destroyed
Ryan: When you hitchhike cars stop all over the fucking world.
Venice: My hands are so big when I sign language you can see it from space
Ryan: lol
Ryan: When you throw up gangsigns out your car window, they are actually drivebyes
Ryan: When you put your hands outside of your window to let the window blow your hand up and down your fucking car takes off and becomes a b52
Venice: When I tap my fingers on my table people in the western union think I’m sending a telegraph
Ryan: When you do jumping jacks, you fly.
Venice: Lol!
Venice: When I throw a football, a puff of air explodes into a sonic boom
Ryan: lol
Ryan: When you performed “stop, in the name of love” at your high school talent show, no one knew it was going to be in 4d.  Everyone left with black eyes and whip lash.
Venice: Nice!
Ryan: They use your hands as forklifts
Ryan: Your fingers shooting the peace sign look like old tv rabbit ears
Ryan: When you shoot the bird…. You do not shoot the bird… you stab the bird in the fucking chest with your middle finger
Venice: Lol!
Ryan: I’m your husband, they call me handy man
Ryan: When we walk in as a couple, everyone calls you HANDsome
Venice: Lol
Ryan: You have to carry two duffle bags to use as your pockets
Venice: When it’s cold and I rub my hands together I start a forest fire
Ryan: LOL!!! OMG
Ryan: Your hands look like catchers mitts
Venice: Lol!
Ryan: When you clap they call it a handing ovation
Ryan: You always get handicap parking
Ryan: Your thumb looks like a boxing glove
Venice: Lol!
Ryan: Your fingers look like your arms have cornrows
Venice: Ewwww!
Venice: I use handcuffs for thumb rings
Ryan: lol
Ryan: You can jack me off, rub my balls, put a finger in my ass, rub my feet, and massage my back all at the same time, with one hand.
Venice: Lol!

We jumped to another topic at this point, maybe another blog?

I have always loved Venice’s hands, of course the jokes were just exaggerations.

TAGS: Big hands, hand fetish, long fingers, finger my asshole, finger ass while getting a blow job, does a finger in the ass feel good, large hands, handjob, hand job, the best hand job ever,

Photo Shoot Gone Wrong, Rape Gone Right

When we first started with Twitter, we didn’t know how to get followers.  We started following people, but really couldn’t understand how to increase that number.  Eventually we got very lucky by finding @CharlieNoodz, who retweeted a few of our pictures to his thousands of followers.  It’s that kind of promotion that gets small-timers like us the boost that we need.  A month or so later, Charlie announced that he needed a new avi (profile picture) for his other account and asked if anyone was interested.  We wanted to do something to thank Charlie for all he’s done for us and what better way than to help him with his a new avi for @CNooddz2 profile.  I thought it was a contest so I immediately started to brainstorm ideas.  The result was a very tame bondage picture of my hands tied and hanging between my legs (see picture).  Ryan then tied my wrists behind my back and put me on my stomach for an alternate picture in case the first set didn’t turn out right.   Unfortunately, pictures from session #2 didn’t come out as well.  I waited, thinking he was changing out his lenses on his camera to get candid pictures.  Instead he had a surprise for me and put a pillowcase on my head.

If I learned anything from him it was never to ruin a surprise.  I opened my eyes but my hair was all over my face.  Somewhere behind me I could hear shuffling and clicking.  I tried to quietly blow my hair away.  Nothing worked.  I was still lying on my stomach with my hands tied behind my back, my tits smashed beneath me.  My fingers were numb and my wrists were chafed.  My breathing became more labored as my air supply was mostly recycled.  Now I can’t move or see except for the gray shadows drifting behind the pillowcase.  The bed dipped down suddenly to my left and he rolls me over.  I feel him grab under my neck.

“Don’t you fucking move, bitch.”  I’m too scared to answer, but I obey.  He pushes my legs open and slaps my pussy.  I wince from the pain of being slapped in such a sensitive area. He shuffles closer to my face.  Suddenly it feels like someone is hitting me in the face with a baguette, but I realize he’s beating me with his dick.  It’s hard so it really hurts.  He strikes my cheek, nose, mouth, eyes, everywhere, with his heavy cock.  He slaps between my legs again, this time right on my clit.  There’s a little bit of relief as he spits on it and rubs it into my lips.  He grabs me by my neck again and reminds me not to move or I’d regret it.

He yanks the pillowcase off my head and he shoves his thick cock in my mouth.  I feel his head hit my tongue and I open my throat for it to slide all the way down.  “Take that dick you stupid bitch.”  And I do.  I relax my throat and feel him fucking my face.  I gag as he pulls his slimy, wet cock out of my throat, over and over again.  He beats me with his wet penis leaving my hair stuck to my face.  I breathe hard, like I just ran a mile in the summer heat, slightly closing my mouth and relaxing.  He quickly slaps my wet face with his palm and yells for me to open my mouth.  He keeps fucking my mouth, hard and deep.  He drops his hips down hard onto my face.  I cry out for him to stop, but his balls muffle my nose and face.  I make choking sounds each time he pulls out, my pussy getting wetter and wetter.  But he doesn’t know that.

Just then he yanks me by both ankles as he adjusts me until my head is hanging off the bed.  He grabs me by my hair and forces me to swallow his dick again.  Forces?  Not quite.  I open my mouth wide but he can’t tell because he rams it in me like he thinks I don’t want it.  He fucks my face and grinds his balls against my nose.  I can feel the wetness seeping out of my pussy.

He gets up and straddles his ass cheeks over my mouth.  “Lick my ass.”  I run my tongue from his balls and end with my tongue thrust in his hot, sweaty asshole. My hair is matted to my face with spit and sweat.  He climbs off and slaps me a few times across my face before flipping me over again to my stomach.  He’s crouched over me, pulling my hair and arching my body backwards.  “Look at the camera,” he orders.  I look around confused and he slaps me again.  He points to the left.  “It’s over there.  Look at the camera.  Say ‘I’m your dirty slut.’” I mumble it quietly and he stuffs his dick into my mouth again. I’ve lost most of the feeling in my hands as they’re still tied behind my back.

He turns me over on my back and he leans over me in a 69 position.  I feel him work his dick into my mouth.  He starts to fuck my mouth, going deep and hard down my throat.  I relax my mouth and let that fat monster go down.  Stop, I whine to him, knowing he’ll do just the opposite.  He facefucks me at least 10 minutes, maybe longer, before I start feeling a tingle brewing deep in my pussy.  Oh, God, I think to myself.  Here it fucking comes. I try to keep my legs from kicking up as I cum.  My hips turn slightly left and right as I suppress the twitching in my pussy.  I scream out again, hoping the goosebumps on my arms and hardening of my nipples don’t give me away.  My screams fueled his fire, causing him to fuck my face harder and faster.  He doesn’t say a word about cumming, but the tightening of his balls on my nose is undeniable.  Ryan thrusts in me faster and faster, his dick getting rock hard in the last few seconds.  I know he’s about to cum.  He pulls out and shoots his hot load on my lips, my stomach, my chest, my shoulders, my eyes, even up to my forehead.  He scoops up his cum from every spot on my body where it lands and tells me to eat it off his fingers.  He takes the remaining drops on the sheet and smears it on my face.  He stands up and says, “Don’t move.”  I remain still as he walks across the room and into the bathroom.

After about a minute, he returns.  The cum dries on my face making my skin tight and sticky.  He spits on my pussy and slaps it, fingering me with two fingers.  He doesn’t realize I’m wet and dripping. He strokes his cock for a few seconds before plunging it in my slippery pussy.  I start to breathe heavily, but they start turning into moans very quickly.  He pulls out and says, “Eat that pussy off my dick, bitch.”  I open my mouth and swallow him down, tasting my own sweet juices.  He grabs me by the top of my head and says, “Say you love my dick.”  But before I can finish my sentence he slams his dick in my pussy again.  My body is elevated up, allowing his shaft to rub hard on my clit.  Suddenly I start feeling a tingle coming from deep in my pelvis.  He speeds up and begins to unwittingly massage my clit.  I feel my body tensing up.  I fight it hard knowing that Ryan would be so pissed if he knew I turned his fake rape into something I enjoyed.  But I cum so unexpectedly that it even surprised me.  I scream out in ecstasy.  “Shut the fuck up and take my cock.”  I clench his dick repeatedly, but he has no idea I cum for the second time on his pistoning cock.  He props himself up and put both my legs to the left side of my body.  I feel his dick getting harder which can only mean one thing.  His hard cock rubs hard against my bone and it’s almost painful in this position.  I keep still and try to bear the pain for just a few more seconds.  I feel him pull out and stroke his dick before he starts to grunt from his powerful cum.  His second cum explodes onto my thighs and lips.

He regains his composure and carefully stands up.  After he slowly turns me on my side, he finally unties my hands.  I circle my shoulders back and rub my wrists.  Ryan asks me if I was okay.  “Yes,” I answered.

“I love you,” he said and kisses my forehead.

“I love you, too.  Play the video.”

Photo shoot – December 1, Holiday Chocolate Chip Cookies with Nut

We are going to post daily for the next 25 days, our own version of xxxmas.   I am a bit tipsy right now so we may update later with more details.  December 1, 2012.  I make Ryan cum on a cookie so I can taste him and my chocolate chips at the same time.  It was so gooooood.  I wanted to do a second photo shoot just to do it again but he said we had enough shots.

Blame Ryan if you wanted to see more!