Tag: dirty talk

September 14, 2022

Q&A: My Wife Ate Her Ex-Boyfriend’s Ass But Will Not Eat Mine. Am I Being Childish?

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Q&A: My Wife Ate Her Ex-Boyfriend’s Ass But Will Not Eat Mine. Am I Being Childish?

Okay so I’ll start off by saying I’ve never really felt the need to have my asshole licked but needless to say it’s what all the kids are talking about nowadays so I’m curious to see if it’s worth the hype.

My wife and I have an active sex life for mid 30s folk and I asked her if she would do that for me next time I get a BJ. She refused, stating that she knows my bathroom routine too intimately to want to go down there. I laughed it off at the time but I’ve become a bit jealous because I know that she ate her ex boyfriend’s ass when they were together. She had told me that she didn’t hate it but it didn’t really do anything for her (and he only mildly enjoyed it).

I know this is crazy. We’re in love, have a deep relationship, she’s the mother of my kids, but I can’t shake the jealousy that I feel since she’s done this to another man but is unwilling to do it to me. I know that in her past she struggled with self esteem issues and often did things she wasn’t fully comfortable with to keep a guy around. I never want to make her feel like that or have her do anything she doesn’t want to in the bedroom but I do feel some sorta way I guess. Am I crazy? Is this a childish way to feel or am I kinda justified?

Venice’s response ate ex-boyfriend’s ass

Well, I did write the blog, “Guide to Giving your Him A Rim Job For the First Time” 

Simple solution for me if I was in the situation?  I would nose dive head first into my husband’s ass and lick until he asks me to stop.  No way in hell I would tell my husband something I did with an ex and not do with him.  For me, this is just basic principle.   

Your feelings aren’t childish and all you can do is communicate them.  You can’t force your wife to understand your feelings or eat your ass just because she ate someone else’s ass before you.  When she says she knows your bathroom routine, she may mean your hygiene, she may mean she has watched you use the bathroom too many times, or she has smelled your flatulence in long car rides one time more than she ever wanted.   Ripping a fart with your spouse can be all fun and games when you first move in together, but when it comes to her being turned on by eating your asshole, knowing how you playfully fart on her leg every now and then is a turn off.

Ate Her Ex-Boyfriend's AssHere is one comment I saw from a woman who maybe can translate what it means when your wife tells you that she knows your bathroom routine.

Some men would be surprised to find out how often we can smell your ass wafting up when we give you a blowjob. My guess is that your wife has had this experience and is now turned off about putting her mouth on your ass. Can’t say for certain but based on her “intimate knowledge” this is probably her nice way of mentioning it.

Well said.

We have always taken showers after we use the bathroom.  Actually, I learned this from my husband.  Sometimes your partner’s hygiene routine naturally rubs off on you.  He has always showered after going number 2, which makes sense.  So if he showered after he goes to the bathroom because he is grossed out by himself feeling dirty, how would he feel about me if I didn’t shower?   So guess what!?  I shower each time I go number 2 too.  On top of this, my husband recently installed a bidet in our bathroom and I love it! 

Add this to your bathroom routine and maybe she will possibly open up to performing a rim job on you like she did her ex.

We do not get paid by amazon, in fact, sex blogs can’t get referral payments from Amazon, so that link is just something I want to share.  It’s cheap and a life changer!

 

rim job

 

 

Ryan’s response ate ex-boyfriend’s ass

This is why it’s good to not ask your partner about their history.  Easier said than done.   I was also the type that wanted to know everything about my wife.   So I get it.

I still remember the days when guys were asking us if their wife should lick their balls during a blow job because she licked their last boyfriends.   Or, should your wife try anal with you because she tried anal with her last boyfriend.  How times have changed.   Now partners have to deal/cope with their partner’s sexual history, who they fucked, did they anal, and how many different peoples’ asses they have ate.   Geez.

Ate Ex-Boyfriend's AssFirst I would suggest showering after using the bathroom.  If she knows your bathroom routine and this is why she has decided to not lick your ass, change your routine.   Also, think about adding a bidet add-on to your toilet.  This is cheap and easy to install.   These two things can possibly leave your ass desirable.   Also, depending on her preference, ask if she would like you to shave your ass and balls.    

Other than hygiene, communicate your desires and insecurities and see what you guys can do to resolve these issues.   If she is reasonable, she may find an appropriate compromise.  Maybe rather than your next random blow job, it’s a scenario where you both take a long bath together and she knows your body is clean.   But if she still isn’t okay with that, there isn’t much you can do.  She may hate that licked a guys ass.  Why would you want her to do things she hates with you?

Personal opinion:  Swallowing cum, oral sex during her period, anal (and sometimes getting dirty), licking ass, or any extreme sexual act is nothing more than bonding.  I find people that find these things “gross” or “icky” to be sexually immature.  But those immature people probably consider us gross and perverts.  I don’t care.  Me and my wife have done everything under the sun and we are always looking for new things to do.  Of course this is is just my own opinion.  Nothing  is wrong with holding hands, a cute kiss on the cheek, cuddling, long walks on the beach, or licking each others’ asses.  To me, it’s all intimacy and bonding.

 

 

September 7, 2022

Q&A: Is bringing my vibrator to my honeymoon hot or too much? 

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Q&A: Is bringing my vibrator to my honeymoon hot or too much? 

My wedding is in two months and my husband doesn’t know that I cannot orgasm through penetration.  It’s just never came up.  I am unsure if he just assumes I do, or it’s not something he has ever thought about.   Although I moan a lot while he has sex with me and my theatrics get intense while he cums  inside me, he has never asked if I orgasm with him or I just enjoy it when he cums in me.  Although it’s the latter, I’d still like to start having orgasms with him and don’t know if our honeymoon would be the right place to introduce my vibrator.  I do know with past experiences, I can come with penetration as long as I have a vibrator on my clit area.    Is this too much?  Should I wait till after my honeymoon to introduce this to my future husband or make my first nights with him as his wife, experiences where we both climax together?

Venice’s response to vibrator on honeymoon

This is actually a tough question.  Because we can’t go backwards and advise you to communicate with him about how you orgasm prior to agreeing to marrying him, this can get tricky.   I can see why you would want to orgasm with him on your wedding night, as it seems like that could be extremely intimate and special.   However, I also see how it could turn into a nightmare on his ego if he thinks you are having an orgasm while he has sex with you.   I admit, a lot of men are just ignorant to a woman’s body and think we naturally orgasm when they orgasm. As weird as that sounds, it’s pretty common.   

I’d say possibly get a small vibrating bullet that you can fit in your purse.   Or check out this lipstick vibrator we reviewed in the past.   Something that is non threatening and small, which probably won’t be as visually offensive as you lining up your 3 favorite dildos that you prefer to get you off on your wedding night.   That may not sit well.

Navigate carefully and maybe think about talking to him now about your honeymoon plans and the things you want to try with him.  Cold feet is a thing, so tread carefully and do what you think is best for you and your relationship.  

Ryan’s response to vibrator on honeymoon

I have never done anything traditional so I suppose if my wife opened up one of her luggage bag and inside it was 3 dildos, 2 vibrators, and a whip, I would have accepted it.  Unsure though.  I did go through the phase of my wife only being able to cum through clitoral stimulation and for some reason we were both infatuated with a hands free orgasm only using my penis.  We tried everything.   I wanted to be the first, and she wanted me to be the first.  For years it never happened and when we figured out using a vibrator during sex was the closest we would get, we loved it.  It also saved me from a very sore tongue and jaw, because our sex life prior to a vibrator consisted of me going down on her until she had an orgasm.  No matter how long it took.   Afterwards we would go to penetrative sex, which was purely for my pleasure.   I was young and didn’t really understand the idea that sex can be satisfying for a women without her having to cum too.

So he may be hurt when he realizes he isn’t making you cum while he has sex with you, he may also be relieved that you figured out how to make sure you both can orgasm together.  This is just one of those situations where you know him best, so do what you feel is best.   One thing we did prior to discovering vibrators was using our fingers.  This is something you should have suggested from the beginning.  I am a big advocate of women making sure they go for their orgasm, the same as men go for theirs.  Imagine a man having sex and the woman stopping prior to him finishing?  Usually that isn’t happening.  Except maybe in an offbeat comedy about a woman in a powerful position having the control to just stop prior to a man cumming. Regardless,  more than likely he would just roll over and stroke himself until he is done anyway.  That’s just how it is.  If a position isn’t good for him, he switches it.  If a woman is on top and he doesn’t feel the orgasm building up, he rolls her over and gets on top.   If he is getting a blow job and it is taking a bit long to get off, he flips her over and fucks her brains out so he can cum.  He isn’t fucking her brains out to impress her.  He is fucking her brains out because he is so turned on and frustrated from wanting to cum during oral sex.  So he punishes her body until he gets himself off.  Meanwhile his partner thinks he is an animal and great in bed.   Maybe so, but he is responsible for his own orgasm!   Woman should feel the same.  This isn’t 1960 where it’s all up to him to make you cum or you suffer.  No.   

So while I had sex, my wife or I would rub her clit until she came.  Admittedly, this wasn’t as easy as you see in porn because my wife never came quickly and I’d have to find a position where she could play with herself while I stay erect and moved my body in and out of her.  It was tough.   Which is why when the vibrator was introduced and she came in minutes, it just made everything better.    But still, maybe play with your clit with your fingers while he fucks you and see if that helps you get off.   This may be a good segue into introducing the vibrator.  

August 31, 2022

Q&A: I Got Drunk, Had Sex on my Period, and Said Too Much!? Did My Dirty Talk Go Too Far?

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Q&A: I Got Drunk, Had Sex on my Period, and Said Too Much!? Did My Dirty Talk Go Too Far?

I am a 20 something female that went out with my boyfriend last night and got a bit too drunk. I was on my period so it was supposed to be just a casual night of hanging out.  However, when I drink I do get extra horny.  I remember blowing him in the parking lot and agreeing to go up to his place.

At  his place it went from me keeping my pants on sucking his dick, to me being stripped nude with my bloody pad on the floor getting my brains fucked out and bleeding all over him and his bed. 

Normally our dirty talk during sex is mostly:   I love you or I am yours.   Since I was drunk I said a bit more than I wanted to.

From what I recall the things I said were along the lines of, “Oh my God, you popping my cherry with your huge dick.  How am I losing my virginity again?!”  “Your cum turns me on. I want to swallow your cum.”    “The thought of you impregnating me turns me on.”   “I want to have your babies, make sandwiches for you barefoot, be fucked by you every day, and be your submissive for the rest of my life…”   

By the way, none of this fits my personality.  I am a more assertive person, yet conservative.   I do not want to be dominated nor do I want my boyfriend to make me his sex slave.  But for whatever reason, in the heat of the moment and drunk, I just let all my little girl quotes out and gave him the full kitchen sink.

We have talked about getting married so it’s not thaaat big of a deal. I remember he was enjoying it when we were doing it. But now that I remember that night I can’t help but be embarrassed for some reason. I mean I said I wanted to be barefoot and make sandwiches for you?? While we were having sex! I have no idea where did all that come from. He has been busy with work for now but I am dreading his phone call. I don’t feel like talking to him or meeting him for sometime now.

Venice’s response  to dirty talk too far

I’m going to be dead serious here.  What’s the problem? 

Dirty talk is mental porn for your partner, and something all women should learn to do.   If I ever write a book on giving a man perfect sex, it would include an entire chapter on talking dirty and saying all the things his brain thought about for the first 16 years of his life when he was alone in his room masturbating to all his little dirty secrets and fantasies.   Not only that, dirty talk is how you can introduce different kinks that you or him may want to try.   Because kinks can keep a relationship young and healthy.   Too this day, my husband and I still talk through things we have never thought about doing, simply by going into long conversations about sex and dirty talk.  What better way to break the ice or find out for yourself what type of thoughts turn you on?  But you don’t always have to practice what you speak, and if you are insecure about this, make sure you let your partner know, whatever you say during sex, is just fantasy.   Because you can give your partner threesomes, gang bangs, and every other possible scenario he has ever thought of, by simply talking dirty.   This goes both ways, you both can talk and turn each other on more than rubbing hot spots on your body or trying to find that sensitive spot behind his ear that gets him erect.  Your voice, your thoughts, your imagination, will turn him on just as much as anything you can do physically.  And the same goes for you.  You’ll find yourself more wet than you’ve been in your entire life while talking about things you thought were taboo and dirty.   

Now, your kink was about commitment and marriage.   Obviously this is something that turns you on right now.  You want a long term dick and he fucks you so good you would make him dinners for the rest of his life just to get that dick each night.  Awesome!   There is nothing to be ashamed about.  Just don’t forget that this type of dirty talk should progress throughout your relationship.  Never forget later, when you are married, that this type of communication helped open your relationship.  In fact, this dirty talk may lead to you actually getting married.  So later, remember that when you want to try new things.   Or remember that when he may want to try new things.   Dirty talk is the best way to introduce these new ideas that “embarrass” us when we aren’t drunk or horny.  It’s okay.

Ryan’s response to dirty talk too far

There is nothing wrong with dirty talk, especially any of the examples you gave.  He probably feels the same way as you since it probably wasn’t his intentions to fuck you while you were on your period.  That’s probably equally as humbling as all the dirty talk you gave him.  There is nothing closer to marriage sex than throwing out all your inhibition and sticking your penis inside a woman while she bleeds all over you.  That’s not something you do with a casual girlfriend.   

You both seemed to be really horny and caught up in the moment.  This isn’t something to be embarrassed about, it’s what will make the best sexual experiences of your life. Embrace this drunk, wild, uninhibited version of yourself.   Rather than being ashamed, open a healthy line of communication and ask him what he felt about the dirty talk last night.  There is nothing wrong with talking kinky, even to the extreme of marriage talk, as long as you both know it’s just dirty talk.  Some women have kinks and talk dirty about how big their partners dick is during sex, even if it isn’t big.  Some women have have humiliation/cuckold kinks and will tell their man his penis is tiny (even if he is normal sized), and some women like the idea of being fucked so good that it makes you want to marry the person.  It’s the ultimate compliment, but make sure your partner understands it’s just your extreme way of making the experience more intense for you. 

November 11, 2020

Q&A: My boyfriend tells me my vagina smells, I’m his worst lover, and then cheated on me.

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worse boyfriend cheatedMy boyfriend tells me my vagina smells, I’m his worst lover, and then cheated on me.

I am 26 years old and my boyfriend is 28.  I am upset because he keeps telling me that all his previous girlfriends used to pleasure him in the best way by giving him amazing head and prostate orgasms .  He complains that I am just too vanilla for him.

My backstory:  I lost my virginity to him 2 months ago, and he always says I make too much noise or that my vagina smells. I feel like he’s always complaining, but god forbid if I tell him he’s making the slightest mistake. I just want to have smooth communication, but he’s my first boyfriend so I don’t really know how.

Last week my heart broke into a million pieces because I went out to buy candles and cute lingerie to surprise him and show him that I could be better in bed, only for him to come home from work with a long face to “talk”. I’m not an idiot, so I knew this meant he was gonna rant to me about how he’s not getting enough pleasure from the bedroom. And boy do I wish it was that. He told me that his coworker has been flirting with him and he couldn’t help himself. They had sex but he swore he didn’t catch feelings and it was a one night thing.

I love him, but I’m so hurt and I’ve been going though a lot mentally so this really took a toll on my mental health. I really don’t know what to do so some advice would be really appreciated.

Venice’s response to worse boyfriend cheated

This one is going to be extremely easy.  Break up with him.

Ryan’s response to worse boyfriend cheated

I think telling a woman her vagina smells is equivalent to a woman telling a man his penis is small.  Although your penis may be small, you’d hope that your partner is more sensitive about it.  Him attacking your vagina smell seems like his way of beating down your self-esteem. It’s a form of abuse.  And the more you lose self-confidence, the less chance you have of breaking up with him.  Slowly disrespecting various things about your body (your weight, your vagina smell, your sense of style, your personality, and even your lack of sexual skills) and making you self-conscious, keeps you under his control.  What are the chances of you breaking up with him if you think every man is going to be grossed out by your vagina smell?  

Another control method is for a guy to compare you to his ex girlfriends.  Although most of the time, it’s never true.  His ex girlfriend being so great at sex is more than likely a porn he saw where the woman did everything his heart desires.  It’s what he wants in a woman, but uses his “ex” as a form of control.  Rather than comparing you to porn to get what he wants, he compares you to a tangible person that you’d more than likely try to compete with.  He knows this.  However the huge flaw here is, if his ex girlfriends were so much better in every way, why are they his ex girlfriends?

The perfect answer to the ex girlfriend scenario is simple:  “Well, leave me alone and go back to your ex girlfriend then.”  And to add a bit of spice, make sure you add, “If you mention anything about your ex’s to me again, we’re done.”  No exceptions.

Draw your line.  It works.

As far as openly telling you he cheated.  This is grounds to break up regardless.  He doesn’t respect you as a person.  If you allow him to cheat, allow him to admit he cheats, allow him to tell you his ex girlfriends are better than you, allow him to disrespect your smells, then what won’t you allow him to do?   

In other words, Venice said all this above in one sentence.  Break up with him.

May 13, 2020

The Great Hand Job Heist

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The Great Hand Job Heist

In searching Google with hand jobs on my mind, I wanted reaffirmation that I wasn’t alone in loving a great massage with a happy ending.  I googled, “Why do hand jobs feel so good?”  Don’t ask me why, but I did.  To my surprise, I found out that most people do not agree.  Not only that, the search results instead pulled off a great heist. Rather than me finding out why hand jobs feel so good, I found out why they feel so bad!  Hence the title:  The Great Hand Job Heist.  

A poll taken by Cosmopolitan shows 18 different opinions about how men feel about hand jobs.  The results were shocking at first, but once age is taken into account, it all makes sense.  It’s safe to assume that most of them have never felt a real hand job / massage.  It’s also safe to assume a few of them have never been in relationship long enough that anything except actual vaginal sex satisfies them. 

At least, that’s my take.   As a couple that has started our 3rd decade of marriage, hand jobs have been the savior.  

If it wasn’t for hand jobs, my vagina, ass, and even mouth would literally be shredded beef.   A girl needs this option and should learn how to do it so good that her man can’t help but to request it.  Trust me.  From the talking, to the finish, you can make a hand job the top of his list.    – Venice

The Cosmopolitan Opinions:

1. “It’s like eating a fast-food hamburger. You can grill one at home and it tastes amazing. Or you can get in your car, drive 15 minutes, wait in a drive-through line, and get a way worse hamburger. Like, it tastes awful and you know you could’ve done a better job yourself.” —Jeff, 24
 
2. “Like a vagina, but worse.” —Eric, 25
 
3. “There’s no novelty to it. I can reach my own penis with my hand no problem, but I can’t suck my own dick … so I think blow jobs would always be more desirable. Maybe that would be different if men had stubby arms.” —Shaun, 25
 
4. “LOL.” —Josh, 25
 
5. “You know that saying ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all’? Hand jobs are the sex equivalent of that.” —Zack, 24
 
 
6. “It feels like you’re touching yourself but your hand fell asleep and so you’re fumbling with your penis awkwardly.” —Kyle, 23
 
7. “Once in college, I got one that actively hurt. And my penis was all red and swollen the next day, and I went to Student Care, and they told me it was friction burn. So it feels like friction burn on your dick.” —Ken, 29
 
8. “A hand job feels like jerking off but it’s better because it’s not your hand.” —Jose, 30
 
9. “I would never expect a girl to excel at it, because that’s weird and would probably make me wonder why and how they’re so good at it, but they’re usually painfully bad.” —Pete, 25

When I first copied these responses, I actually laughed at a few of them.  Not because they were wrong, but because they were funny.  I also thought that I was going to add responses to each opinion, but chose not to because the flow of negativity was too good. It makes much more sense to just let it all out. What I do notice though, is that the older the person is, the less harsh they seem towards the idea of hand jobs.  

For example:

10. “I don’t think this is easy to answer unless we establish if there’s some kind of lubrication or not. A lubeless hand job? It’s almost guaranteed to be awful. Either the grip is too hard, or too loose, or the rhythm is off, or some kind of combination thereof. The stars have to align perfectly for a lubeless hand job to work. A lubed-up hand job can basically feel like a blow job, so … much, much better.” —Kevin, 28

Number 10 is pretty accurate.  For me, when I think of hand job, it wouldn’t cross my mind that some hand jobs are done without lube.  Much like it wouldn’t cross my mind if someone asked about anal sex, it would be without lube.  In my opinion, the two go hand and hand (pun). You wouldn’t give someone a serious hand job without lube of some sort.  Saliva, coconut oil, something.

Can you imagine Cosmopolitan making a poll about anal sex (assuming no lube is being used):

1. Anal is like the orphan child of sex.  It’s everything the vagina isn’t.  It really burns and the one time I tried it I ended up in the ER the next day because of wounds to my penis.

2. If you could imagine a vagina in a desert with sand for miles upon miles.  That would be a woman’s anus.  Now imagine sticking your penis inside of those sand dunes and enjoying  yourself. 

3. I could shove my penis into sandpaper and get a better sensation.  It’s like the vagina except extremely painful.

4.  We both ended up in the hospital that night.  Not good.

5. Are we talking about lubeless anal, or anal with lube?  

That’s pretty much how this entire article goes.  Although I do not want to attack Cosmopolitan, the article does shows the miseducation of those asking and answering the question.  It should have been clarified, in our opinion.  Because to ask about hand jobs without lube, is equivalent to asking about anal without lube.  Or even having sex with a vagina when the girl isn’t turned on or lubricated properly.  And this is the number 1 search result when asking “How do hand jobs feel?”  

The Great Hand Job Heist.  For entertainment purposes, let’s continue.

11. “I dunno. It’s just … I have hands. I can do that.” —Jared, 22

12. “I don’t remember the first time I ever masturbated, but I imagine every hand job is pretty much on par with that experience. Except I don’t freak out when I come.” —Ryan, 25
 
13. “I was never a fan of the ‘old-fashioned’ until recently. It’s usually slow and awkward and doesn’t feel all that wonderful. But it feels like ecstasy when done correctly. A complete detachment from my thoughts and concentrating on the physical senses that overcome my body and mind.” —Matt, 28
 
14. “Hand jobs? I don’t know. I’m not 14.” —Keith, 25

Number 14 is interesting…because he is right.  A hand job may be something you enjoy at 14, then quit enjoying in your 20s.  For the straight man, the vagina takes over as the most important thing on earth.  Oral sex is always a close second.  Anal is attempted a few times, but you both agree that’s on special occasions.  However, in your late 30s and 40s, the full experience becomes more important. The vagina is no longer the holy grail, but just one of the things that make women the most amazing creatures on earth.   

15. “It’s like having surf and turf on the menu and then you order the chicken fingers.” —Vince, 28
 
16.  “I have to be real here … I was a late bloomer, so I think I skipped the whole period where everyone was getting hand jobs. By the time I had any luck with the ladies, you were probably just having sex. But I got a hand job once and … I never had any interest in getting another. It wasn’t bad, it was just OK. I think that says it all. —Colin, 24
 
17. “OK, I know people probably shit all over hand jobs, but if someone knows how to do it, they can be really good. You have to use lotion, though, and unlike a blow job, she can suck on your nipples at the same time. Every guy should try that once. ” —Evan, 28
 
18. “Hand jobs are a consolation prize. I have never had a hand job that didn’t feel like, ‘Oh, I’m not in the mood for intercourse, but here, take this. Thanks for playing.’ I don’t think hand jobs are bad, I just think it’s tough to enjoy them when you know things could’ve gone a whole lot better.” —Jeff, 26

These last responses really aren’t that bad.  For the most part, the older the person answering, the more they understand it really is about how well the hand job is being done.  You can’t ask a 22 year old how a hand job feels.  He has had so little experience in his life, so little vagina in his life, that anything other than a vagina or mouth would be a let down.  However, you ask a man that has had his share of vagina, especially those of us in relationships where sex isn’t rationed, a hand job is just as good as anything a woman can offer.   Especially when she knows what she is doing.

What A Hand Job Should Feel Like

For us, we have been intimate twice a day, for the last 7 years.   Probably longer, but clearly our article written in 2013 shows how long we have been practicing The Circle. Back then it helped our relationship grow to another level, and continues to help us bond each day.  It’s the type of connection that keeps us as one unit, rather than separate people that use each other for their own pleasure.  True soulmates, if you believe in that.  However, it has also given us reason to find other ways to be intimate besides sticking my penis inside of her vagina and digging for gold.  

You can totally get into his head while stroking him.  Unlike sex, oral sex, or kissing (making out), you can actually talk in detail. Your words and thoughts can take over his experience.  From scenarios that may never happen, to outrageous fantasies that break all your boundaries, to just telling him how much you want to taste his cum.  Or how much you love holding his dick.  There are times I will go into detail about how beautiful the colors of his dick are, how perfect his swollen head looks, to talking about every turn and curve his veins make in his shaft and how much I love looking at them.  This is the type of talk that a woman just can’t do while she is being fucked or sucking his dick. – Venice

The things we can’t do properly during sex, kissing, and oral:

Talking.  In fact, a lot of times during oral talking is the last thing we want to hear.  “Just be quiet and let me just hear that beautiful slurping sound.”  I know if I try to talk while going down on my wife, she will reach down and pull my head more into her vagina. This is her way of saying, “Please shut the fuck up” as nicely as possible.

There is an unspoken (pun) 6 word rule.   During sex or oral.

“I love you so fucking much.”

“Please cum in me.”

“Your dick is so fucking big.”

“Fuck it hurts so bad.”

“Your pussy is so fucking tight.”

“It’s so fucking wet.”

“Where do you want my cum?”

“Who’s your daddy?”

“Look at me while you suck.”

“Suck on my lips.”

“Fuck me with your tongue.”

And the list goes on and on.  Although dirty talk is fun, you are a bit limited because of what you are doing.  Whether it be sucking, fucking, or kissing.  You may dirty talk between transitions, but for the most part your actions are much louder than words.  And there is nothing wrong with that.

What you can do the entire time during a hand job:

Talking.

 A hand job is more than just 6 words.  A good hand job can be filled with entire stories of various adventures you both can come up with.  Not only can you talk, because you are relaxed and totally caught in the moment, but the person giving you the hand job can talk as well.  Whether about how much she loves your dick, how it feels, how much she can’t wait to see you cum, or sexy stories about the things you have done, may do, or may never do.  No real rules when it comes to fantasies. 

Some of the comparisons about hand jobs being another form of masturbation is correct.  However, why the hell is masturbation a bad thing?   Masturbation can be amazing, if you know what you are doing.  Edging, dirty thoughts, and controlling how long you release your oxytocin.  A lot of times men will masturbate nearly twice as long as they have actual intercourse.  They edge themselves to make sure they have a huge release.  When done right, masturbation is amazing.  In fact, it has been talked about by various women that their men will leave them asleep (or turn down sex) and later get caught masturbating. This is extremely common.  Why?  Because you can use your mind, your fantasies, and even think about all the skeletons in your closet while watching a porn video.

Now imagine having a person that you can open up with and experience  your deepest darkest thoughts and fantasies together.