Dear V & R –
I would really appreciate your advice and honest feedback, if you are willing to provide it!
For as long as I’ve been an adult, I’ve struggled with promiscuity, feeling shame about sex, and hiding what I really want. We won’t get into the psychological reasons why, but the long and short of it is, I’m a type-A person with a lot of issues around authenticity, attachment, and vulnerability. I’ve been with a lot of great partners, and I regret nothing I’ve done. My sexual life is full, I’ve had some incredible sex, and I have been very lucky.
I am now married to a wonderful man. Our relationship is not without issues, but all of them are manageable and I’m still in love, happy to be his wife, and very proud of the life we’ve created.
He also knows that I’ve struggled with feeling out of control, and has been very affirming. My husband has said that if I wanted to explore bringing another person into our bed, I would need to tell him. That is not sexually appealing to me, nor am I interested in that kind of relationship. I do not believe my love for him is limited to monogamy, and I know I can love this person and create safe, compartmentalized experiences for myself with hard limits.
Here’s the thing. Our culture provides options for people who want to have sex outside of their marriages. I’m thinking about paying for a provider.
There are some things that are really appealing about that option. One, there are hard boundaries and I decide what I want, when, etc. Two, female sex workers are an economic wonder to me — I have the means to create an experience that I design, that is limited to me, and I can do it with someone who is paid to provide pleasure and (hopefully) enjoys her work. Three, the emotional issues and interpersonal drama that can come from allowing a third-party to enter your sex life will be minimized. I have no interest in cultivating a FWB relationship, zero desire to allow my husband to “approve” or subsidize the experience..
I just want to pay to fuck and play. Then I want to leave. If I return, I would like to assume that will be because there was a mutually satisfactory experience. I look at it like this – I have a colorist, a masseuse, a waxer, and a therapist. Having sex with a provider has the potential to be equally as therapeutic — right?
Continue Reading Q&A: I’m A Married Woman But Want To Fuck Escorts
Venice: It comes to no surprise to me that actress, Paula Patton, wife of singer Robin Thicke, has finally filed for divorce. I’m not going to go on about “she was too good for him anyway” the way the Ricky Smiley morning radio show did this morning, because she’s not. Paula Patton and Robin Thicke are two beautiful people whose relationship was enviable because of the length of time they’d been together (since they were 14 years old), which is right up there with Denzel & Pauletta Washington (married 31 years) and Kevin Bacon & Kyra Sedgwick (married 26 years). That is the primary reason I had for going “Aww” every time I saw them in a picture together. I’m sure there are other couples who’ve been together longer, but these are the ones that come to mind from my generation. Celebrity or not, you gotta love relationships that (may or may not) outlast their careers.
V, I am newly married and found your blog a few months ago. I love your experiences, even though I don’t think I could ever have a threesome. That has nothing to do with my question though. I am 19 and pregnant. Ever since I got pregnant my husband refuses to cum in me. I’ve asked him in every way I could think of and he says, ‘I already put one in the oven.” I am sure that’s just his excuse, because the alternative to him cumming in me is pulling out and cumming on my face. I am trying not to take it personal, but I just feel so disrespected when he does this to me. I mean, maybe a few times a month or something, but not every night. I feel like he is trying to live out his porn star fantasies and I am his real doll. Am I wrong for feeling disrespected and is there any way to take a facial and feel good about yourself?
On Friday night my husband asked for an open marriage. He says that before he met me he was in a 6 year relationship (even though previously he denied that it was an actual relationship), and then a week later he met me and then we got married 2 years later.
One of the major keys to a successful marriage is having hobbies. Not just hobbies you do on your own, although that isn’t necessarily bad, but hobbies you and your best friend and lover can do together. Your spouse is your best friend right? If (s)he is not, finding a hobby you can do together is a great way to rekindle or start that friendship. For us, our friendship comes first in our relationship. Sex, going out to eat, errands, and everything we do together is so much more enjoyable when we both understand that we are not just lovers, dating, or running around doing chores together, but we are best friends who happen to do some cool stuff, and some not so cool tedious stuff. But at least we have our friendship and playfulness to get us through the long grocery line waits. And how can sex, exploring each others bodies, anal, or yes even cum shots, not be fun as hell when you know it’s with your best friend? “Okay, we’re bored? Let’s fuck then?!”