Category: Question & Answer

Your question, our answers.  Relationship advice, sex advice, and us fielding all types of questions from all over the internet.

September 14, 2022

Q&A: My Wife Ate Her Ex-Boyfriend’s Ass But Will Not Eat Mine. Am I Being Childish?

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Q&A: My Wife Ate Her Ex-Boyfriend’s Ass But Will Not Eat Mine. Am I Being Childish?

Okay so I’ll start off by saying I’ve never really felt the need to have my asshole licked but needless to say it’s what all the kids are talking about nowadays so I’m curious to see if it’s worth the hype.

My wife and I have an active sex life for mid 30s folk and I asked her if she would do that for me next time I get a BJ. She refused, stating that she knows my bathroom routine too intimately to want to go down there. I laughed it off at the time but I’ve become a bit jealous because I know that she ate her ex boyfriend’s ass when they were together. She had told me that she didn’t hate it but it didn’t really do anything for her (and he only mildly enjoyed it).

I know this is crazy. We’re in love, have a deep relationship, she’s the mother of my kids, but I can’t shake the jealousy that I feel since she’s done this to another man but is unwilling to do it to me. I know that in her past she struggled with self esteem issues and often did things she wasn’t fully comfortable with to keep a guy around. I never want to make her feel like that or have her do anything she doesn’t want to in the bedroom but I do feel some sorta way I guess. Am I crazy? Is this a childish way to feel or am I kinda justified?

Venice’s response ate ex-boyfriend’s ass

Well, I did write the blog, “Guide to Giving your Him A Rim Job For the First Time” 

Simple solution for me if I was in the situation?  I would nose dive head first into my husband’s ass and lick until he asks me to stop.  No way in hell I would tell my husband something I did with an ex and not do with him.  For me, this is just basic principle.   

Your feelings aren’t childish and all you can do is communicate them.  You can’t force your wife to understand your feelings or eat your ass just because she ate someone else’s ass before you.  When she says she knows your bathroom routine, she may mean your hygiene, she may mean she has watched you use the bathroom too many times, or she has smelled your flatulence in long car rides one time more than she ever wanted.   Ripping a fart with your spouse can be all fun and games when you first move in together, but when it comes to her being turned on by eating your asshole, knowing how you playfully fart on her leg every now and then is a turn off.

Ate Her Ex-Boyfriend's AssHere is one comment I saw from a woman who maybe can translate what it means when your wife tells you that she knows your bathroom routine.

Some men would be surprised to find out how often we can smell your ass wafting up when we give you a blowjob. My guess is that your wife has had this experience and is now turned off about putting her mouth on your ass. Can’t say for certain but based on her “intimate knowledge” this is probably her nice way of mentioning it.

Well said.

We have always taken showers after we use the bathroom.  Actually, I learned this from my husband.  Sometimes your partner’s hygiene routine naturally rubs off on you.  He has always showered after going number 2, which makes sense.  So if he showered after he goes to the bathroom because he is grossed out by himself feeling dirty, how would he feel about me if I didn’t shower?   So guess what!?  I shower each time I go number 2 too.  On top of this, my husband recently installed a bidet in our bathroom and I love it! 

Add this to your bathroom routine and maybe she will possibly open up to performing a rim job on you like she did her ex.

We do not get paid by amazon, in fact, sex blogs can’t get referral payments from Amazon, so that link is just something I want to share.  It’s cheap and a life changer!

 

rim job

 

 

Ryan’s response ate ex-boyfriend’s ass

This is why it’s good to not ask your partner about their history.  Easier said than done.   I was also the type that wanted to know everything about my wife.   So I get it.

I still remember the days when guys were asking us if their wife should lick their balls during a blow job because she licked their last boyfriends.   Or, should your wife try anal with you because she tried anal with her last boyfriend.  How times have changed.   Now partners have to deal/cope with their partner’s sexual history, who they fucked, did they anal, and how many different peoples’ asses they have ate.   Geez.

Ate Ex-Boyfriend's AssFirst I would suggest showering after using the bathroom.  If she knows your bathroom routine and this is why she has decided to not lick your ass, change your routine.   Also, think about adding a bidet add-on to your toilet.  This is cheap and easy to install.   These two things can possibly leave your ass desirable.   Also, depending on her preference, ask if she would like you to shave your ass and balls.    

Other than hygiene, communicate your desires and insecurities and see what you guys can do to resolve these issues.   If she is reasonable, she may find an appropriate compromise.  Maybe rather than your next random blow job, it’s a scenario where you both take a long bath together and she knows your body is clean.   But if she still isn’t okay with that, there isn’t much you can do.  She may hate that licked a guys ass.  Why would you want her to do things she hates with you?

Personal opinion:  Swallowing cum, oral sex during her period, anal (and sometimes getting dirty), licking ass, or any extreme sexual act is nothing more than bonding.  I find people that find these things “gross” or “icky” to be sexually immature.  But those immature people probably consider us gross and perverts.  I don’t care.  Me and my wife have done everything under the sun and we are always looking for new things to do.  Of course this is is just my own opinion.  Nothing  is wrong with holding hands, a cute kiss on the cheek, cuddling, long walks on the beach, or licking each others’ asses.  To me, it’s all intimacy and bonding.

 

 

September 7, 2022

Q&A: Is bringing my vibrator to my honeymoon hot or too much? 

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Q&A: Is bringing my vibrator to my honeymoon hot or too much? 

My wedding is in two months and my husband doesn’t know that I cannot orgasm through penetration.  It’s just never came up.  I am unsure if he just assumes I do, or it’s not something he has ever thought about.   Although I moan a lot while he has sex with me and my theatrics get intense while he cums  inside me, he has never asked if I orgasm with him or I just enjoy it when he cums in me.  Although it’s the latter, I’d still like to start having orgasms with him and don’t know if our honeymoon would be the right place to introduce my vibrator.  I do know with past experiences, I can come with penetration as long as I have a vibrator on my clit area.    Is this too much?  Should I wait till after my honeymoon to introduce this to my future husband or make my first nights with him as his wife, experiences where we both climax together?

Venice’s response to vibrator on honeymoon

This is actually a tough question.  Because we can’t go backwards and advise you to communicate with him about how you orgasm prior to agreeing to marrying him, this can get tricky.   I can see why you would want to orgasm with him on your wedding night, as it seems like that could be extremely intimate and special.   However, I also see how it could turn into a nightmare on his ego if he thinks you are having an orgasm while he has sex with you.   I admit, a lot of men are just ignorant to a woman’s body and think we naturally orgasm when they orgasm. As weird as that sounds, it’s pretty common.   

I’d say possibly get a small vibrating bullet that you can fit in your purse.   Or check out this lipstick vibrator we reviewed in the past.   Something that is non threatening and small, which probably won’t be as visually offensive as you lining up your 3 favorite dildos that you prefer to get you off on your wedding night.   That may not sit well.

Navigate carefully and maybe think about talking to him now about your honeymoon plans and the things you want to try with him.  Cold feet is a thing, so tread carefully and do what you think is best for you and your relationship.  

Ryan’s response to vibrator on honeymoon

I have never done anything traditional so I suppose if my wife opened up one of her luggage bag and inside it was 3 dildos, 2 vibrators, and a whip, I would have accepted it.  Unsure though.  I did go through the phase of my wife only being able to cum through clitoral stimulation and for some reason we were both infatuated with a hands free orgasm only using my penis.  We tried everything.   I wanted to be the first, and she wanted me to be the first.  For years it never happened and when we figured out using a vibrator during sex was the closest we would get, we loved it.  It also saved me from a very sore tongue and jaw, because our sex life prior to a vibrator consisted of me going down on her until she had an orgasm.  No matter how long it took.   Afterwards we would go to penetrative sex, which was purely for my pleasure.   I was young and didn’t really understand the idea that sex can be satisfying for a women without her having to cum too.

So he may be hurt when he realizes he isn’t making you cum while he has sex with you, he may also be relieved that you figured out how to make sure you both can orgasm together.  This is just one of those situations where you know him best, so do what you feel is best.   One thing we did prior to discovering vibrators was using our fingers.  This is something you should have suggested from the beginning.  I am a big advocate of women making sure they go for their orgasm, the same as men go for theirs.  Imagine a man having sex and the woman stopping prior to him finishing?  Usually that isn’t happening.  Except maybe in an offbeat comedy about a woman in a powerful position having the control to just stop prior to a man cumming. Regardless,  more than likely he would just roll over and stroke himself until he is done anyway.  That’s just how it is.  If a position isn’t good for him, he switches it.  If a woman is on top and he doesn’t feel the orgasm building up, he rolls her over and gets on top.   If he is getting a blow job and it is taking a bit long to get off, he flips her over and fucks her brains out so he can cum.  He isn’t fucking her brains out to impress her.  He is fucking her brains out because he is so turned on and frustrated from wanting to cum during oral sex.  So he punishes her body until he gets himself off.  Meanwhile his partner thinks he is an animal and great in bed.   Maybe so, but he is responsible for his own orgasm!   Woman should feel the same.  This isn’t 1960 where it’s all up to him to make you cum or you suffer.  No.   

So while I had sex, my wife or I would rub her clit until she came.  Admittedly, this wasn’t as easy as you see in porn because my wife never came quickly and I’d have to find a position where she could play with herself while I stay erect and moved my body in and out of her.  It was tough.   Which is why when the vibrator was introduced and she came in minutes, it just made everything better.    But still, maybe play with your clit with your fingers while he fucks you and see if that helps you get off.   This may be a good segue into introducing the vibrator.  

August 31, 2022

Q&A: I Got Drunk, Had Sex on my Period, and Said Too Much!? Did My Dirty Talk Go Too Far?

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Q&A: I Got Drunk, Had Sex on my Period, and Said Too Much!? Did My Dirty Talk Go Too Far?

I am a 20 something female that went out with my boyfriend last night and got a bit too drunk. I was on my period so it was supposed to be just a casual night of hanging out.  However, when I drink I do get extra horny.  I remember blowing him in the parking lot and agreeing to go up to his place.

At  his place it went from me keeping my pants on sucking his dick, to me being stripped nude with my bloody pad on the floor getting my brains fucked out and bleeding all over him and his bed. 

Normally our dirty talk during sex is mostly:   I love you or I am yours.   Since I was drunk I said a bit more than I wanted to.

From what I recall the things I said were along the lines of, “Oh my God, you popping my cherry with your huge dick.  How am I losing my virginity again?!”  “Your cum turns me on. I want to swallow your cum.”    “The thought of you impregnating me turns me on.”   “I want to have your babies, make sandwiches for you barefoot, be fucked by you every day, and be your submissive for the rest of my life…”   

By the way, none of this fits my personality.  I am a more assertive person, yet conservative.   I do not want to be dominated nor do I want my boyfriend to make me his sex slave.  But for whatever reason, in the heat of the moment and drunk, I just let all my little girl quotes out and gave him the full kitchen sink.

We have talked about getting married so it’s not thaaat big of a deal. I remember he was enjoying it when we were doing it. But now that I remember that night I can’t help but be embarrassed for some reason. I mean I said I wanted to be barefoot and make sandwiches for you?? While we were having sex! I have no idea where did all that come from. He has been busy with work for now but I am dreading his phone call. I don’t feel like talking to him or meeting him for sometime now.

Venice’s response  to dirty talk too far

I’m going to be dead serious here.  What’s the problem? 

Dirty talk is mental porn for your partner, and something all women should learn to do.   If I ever write a book on giving a man perfect sex, it would include an entire chapter on talking dirty and saying all the things his brain thought about for the first 16 years of his life when he was alone in his room masturbating to all his little dirty secrets and fantasies.   Not only that, dirty talk is how you can introduce different kinks that you or him may want to try.   Because kinks can keep a relationship young and healthy.   Too this day, my husband and I still talk through things we have never thought about doing, simply by going into long conversations about sex and dirty talk.  What better way to break the ice or find out for yourself what type of thoughts turn you on?  But you don’t always have to practice what you speak, and if you are insecure about this, make sure you let your partner know, whatever you say during sex, is just fantasy.   Because you can give your partner threesomes, gang bangs, and every other possible scenario he has ever thought of, by simply talking dirty.   This goes both ways, you both can talk and turn each other on more than rubbing hot spots on your body or trying to find that sensitive spot behind his ear that gets him erect.  Your voice, your thoughts, your imagination, will turn him on just as much as anything you can do physically.  And the same goes for you.  You’ll find yourself more wet than you’ve been in your entire life while talking about things you thought were taboo and dirty.   

Now, your kink was about commitment and marriage.   Obviously this is something that turns you on right now.  You want a long term dick and he fucks you so good you would make him dinners for the rest of his life just to get that dick each night.  Awesome!   There is nothing to be ashamed about.  Just don’t forget that this type of dirty talk should progress throughout your relationship.  Never forget later, when you are married, that this type of communication helped open your relationship.  In fact, this dirty talk may lead to you actually getting married.  So later, remember that when you want to try new things.   Or remember that when he may want to try new things.   Dirty talk is the best way to introduce these new ideas that “embarrass” us when we aren’t drunk or horny.  It’s okay.

Ryan’s response to dirty talk too far

There is nothing wrong with dirty talk, especially any of the examples you gave.  He probably feels the same way as you since it probably wasn’t his intentions to fuck you while you were on your period.  That’s probably equally as humbling as all the dirty talk you gave him.  There is nothing closer to marriage sex than throwing out all your inhibition and sticking your penis inside a woman while she bleeds all over you.  That’s not something you do with a casual girlfriend.   

You both seemed to be really horny and caught up in the moment.  This isn’t something to be embarrassed about, it’s what will make the best sexual experiences of your life. Embrace this drunk, wild, uninhibited version of yourself.   Rather than being ashamed, open a healthy line of communication and ask him what he felt about the dirty talk last night.  There is nothing wrong with talking kinky, even to the extreme of marriage talk, as long as you both know it’s just dirty talk.  Some women have kinks and talk dirty about how big their partners dick is during sex, even if it isn’t big.  Some women have have humiliation/cuckold kinks and will tell their man his penis is tiny (even if he is normal sized), and some women like the idea of being fucked so good that it makes you want to marry the person.  It’s the ultimate compliment, but make sure your partner understands it’s just your extreme way of making the experience more intense for you. 

June 29, 2022

Q&A: How to respond when women tell me they squirt when I am not into squirting?

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Q&A: How to respond when women tell me they squirt when I am not into squirting?

20 years ago, I wasn’t even aware of this. Never heard of it.  Obviously, it’s become a very popular thing in porn and real life.  I was in a relationship for the last two years. It’s over, and I’m single. Back in the saddle, meeting women again, and ALMOST ALL OF THEM TALK ABOUT SQUIRTING. They say they can squirt, they do squirt, etc. I’m not sure if it’s to turn me on, or just a fair warning. Both?

Okay. I’m an adult. I can deal with lots of things. I’m usually very good at talking things through.  But I don’t even know what to say. If a woman can squirt, and is telling me because she thinks I’m into it, it makes sense to just share that I’m not into it, right?  But if it’s somewhat involuntary, then saying I’m not into it might make her feel ashamed or unwanted.

Honestly, I don’t know what to say without making a thing out of it. Any helpful hints?

Venice’s response to women squirting

I have only squirted a few times in my life and they were totally involuntary.   So I do not really mention it to other women I am with because I’d have no control over it regardless.  If they know the secret pressure points, then they know exactly what they are getting into when they are doing their jedi mind tricks inside of me!

As far as other women telling me they squirt, I am not picky about these types of things and usually take a backseat to how Ryan feels.  I’d probably be shocked and flattered it if happened with a woman I was fingering or eating out.  This question is good though because I know Ryan has the same feelings towards squirting as you. 

We did have a woman tell us she squirted and was proud she could finally feel free about her body and let things happen naturally.  She openly said her previous relationships her men were closed minded about it.   Ryan pretty quickly said to her that he definitely wasn’t into that type of thing either, especially with someone new.    Probably not the best response, but sometimes being communicative can be harsh.  And he really isn’t into it.  

Luckily, due to our communication, we’ve managed to not have any “accidents.”   That may be because we didn’t excite them enough, or the penetrative part of sex wasn’t long or rough enough.  Admittedly in all our experiences with women we have never been big on penetration.  Usually we are more focused on oral sex, toys, and reaching orgasms without penetration.  Or, a lot of times women can control their squirting and tend to squirt when they know it excites their partner.   They may be feeling you out to see if you are into it, because if you are, they will wet your sheets up to turn you on.  If you are not, they will keep that trick on the backburner until you are ready.

Ryan’s response to women squirting

Firstly, remember our perspective is from a couple that opens our bedroom to other women.  I am not a single guy on the dating scene looking to find someone to hook up with.   But the new phenomenon of women who can squirt has been equally noticed.  With porn and even live cam chats having goals such as, “I will squirt at 100 tokens,” I assume women think this is something most men enjoy.   As Venice said, personally I am not big on squirting.  With her, of course I love it.  But that’s because she is my wife and someone I have been with for 25 years.  Nothing she does can gross me out.  But with someone new, that we are hanging out with, I’m definitely not into being squirted on.    

In your situation, I’d let the person know that squirting really isn’t my thing and if she can control it, try not to squirt.  I understand that this can be a total turn of or even offend a woman that can’t control it, but I am equally offended by being pissed on for fun when a woman can control it.  But don’t attack me yet!  I am not saying that all squirting is urine, but when a woman can control it and it’s something she does to spice things up, then most definitely I am saying that would be urine.  And with someone new to our bedroom, I am not into that.  Much like I can assume they would not want me to urinate on them for fun during oral sex.  Or urinate inside them during sex to turn my condom into a huge water balloon that randomly pops after it gets too full (although that possibly could feel great?!?).  

 

April 27, 2022

Q & A: My Husband (almost 5 inches in penis size) offered to wear a big strap on to see if I could orgasm. Should I?

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Q & A: My Husband (almost 5 inches in penis size) offered to wear a big strap on to see if I could orgasm. Should I?

I’ve never cum from PIV sex with my husband but I cum easily with my magic wand.  My husband also has difficultly cumming in me from PIV sex because I feel loose to him.  So we usually just skip PIV sex and mutually masturbate.

My husband knows he’s small and it bothers him. A few months ago he asked me if I ever cum from PIV sex with other men before we were married and I told he truth that I had. One guy I dated who was about 7” would hit a spot that would make me cum almost every time he fucked me.

My husband told me he was sorry he couldn’t make me cum like that and I explained that I cum harder from my vibrator than I ever have from PIV sex and that there’s more to a relationship than just sex, but I can tell it still bothers him.

So a few weeks ago, out of the blue, he tells me that he sometimes fantasizes about having a big dick and watching it going in an out of me and asks me if I would let him fuck me with a big strap on so he can experience what it would be like to fuck me with a big dick.

The thought of being fucked with a big dick does turn me on, but I’m worried how my husband would react if I cum from him fucking me with a big strap on. Would that make him more insecure about his small cock or will it make him feel better knowing he can make me cum by fucking me?

Venice’s response to big strap on?

I believe you should look into penis sleeves.   This sleeve actually fits over your husband’s penis like a thick condom and will make his length and girth much larger.  Personally, I think you should do anything in the bedroom that can make your sex lives better.   Dildos, toys, sleeves, and even other people!   If it is something he is open to try, try it.  If it makes you cum, awesome!   Just because it’s a sleeve does not mean your husband should feel insecure.  Since you are already self-conscious about the idea that the sleeve may make him feel inadequate, prepare him mentally.   Make sure he understands that its him making you cum, not just the sleeve.  The feeling of the sleeve, plus the comfort you feel with him, being in love, and wanting to enjoy him.  It’s not just pure size giving you that orgasm, it’s him and the size.  You love him, so even if that isn’t true, it doesn’t hurt to emphasize it’s not just the size.    

Personally, when I tried to go larger, I hated it.  Maybe it didn’t feel natural, or it just poked me too far in the back, but I just didn’t enjoy it.  After a few minutes I asked him to please remove it.  For the record, I also do not enjoy penetrative dildos and things of that sort.  I do enjoy vibrating toys, but just on my clitoris area.  

Ryan’s response to big strap on?

No matter a man’s size, some of us go through this phase.  I did.  It wouldn’t matter if I was almost 5 inches or 9 inches, the idea of your penis being bigger and seeing your woman take a larger size is a turn on.  Porn and various photos that float around on social media show huge 12 inch men.   We see some women swoon over it.  So why wouldn’t any size man want to add a few more inches in girth and length and see what it would be like?  Penis sleeves allow this type of experience, so why not?  I say go for it.

Although my experience wasn’t a super sexy experience, it was still an experience.  I saw my wife in pain, I felt her put her hands on my hips and crawl away from me.  It was everything that you never see in porn.  A big ass dick that doesn’t really fit comfortably inside a woman, causing pain.  If it was real, maybe she would put up with all the pain and things that go with being that hung, but with a fake sleeve?  She asked me to please stop and I did.  We haven’t tried it since.  In fact, she was turned off to the idea of anything other than a real penis inside her body.   It just wasn’t her thing.