10 Extremely Kinky Ideas on How To Spice Up Your Sex Life

The following blog is not for the faint at heart.  It has extreme ideas for a couple to spice up their bedroom, and we aren’t Cosmopolitan.  If you are secure in your relationship, have good communication, and looking for ways to spice up your sex life, we have a few ideas for you.

  1. Face your fears.
  2. Try a new sex position like anal.
  3. Explore different areas in your house.
  4. Touch yourself in front of your partner.
  5. Add ass to the oral menu.
  6. Watch a dirty movie togeth….

Okay STOP.  No, this is not one of those lists.  When we say extreme ideas, we mean extreme ideas to spice up your sex life. 


Massage Sessions:

Long massages, from him or her, focused on talking about your dirtiest fantasies with each other while giving the massage. 

Here are a few ideas of things you can talk about:  An imaginary threesome, adding another man or woman to your bedroom, or talking about sexual experiences with ex girlfriends/boyfriends. You can also talk about how much you love each others’ bodies, how big the person’s penis is or how tight she is in detail, how much you love to swallow his cum, or drink her fluids.  You’d be surprised how many couples do not talk about this type of thing.  

A massage can be a great time to just open up and talk about your most hidden secret fantasies. If done right, it will be as open as you are with yourself when you masturbate alone, except  someone else is touching you.  And rather than thinking to yourself all your dirty thoughts, you are sharing with the other person.  It can be extremely intoxicating and fun.  

All these things can be extreme and exciting if you have an open mind.  For a man, while getting a massage, his mind seems to be receptive to various things that his sober (not high from the stimulation) mind may not be.  For that reason, make sure you understand aftercare and how to finish a session if your conversation gets too crazy.  For a woman, a massage can lead to things that have never happened before, such as squirting.  This is what happened for us.  It was a whole new experience and for the next few weeks it was all we talked about.

Go To A Swingers’ Club:

Despite what you may think, a swingers’ club is pretty much a sex club.  Sex happens, and it happens a lot.  This is because swingers’ clubs are filled with married couples that have sex with each other all the time and they aren’t at a swingers’ club to dance. Sex is no longer taboo to seasoned couples, so things tend to get a lot more dirty when they are inside a swingers’ club. Most couples are there because they want to either add a random person into their experience or they want to be watched by others. Could you think of something more spicy than 3 single guys masturbating near you while they watch you and your partner have sex?   This experience will spice things up in your bedroom for the rest of your life.  Once you enjoy the thrill of having a bunch of people watch you have sex, your sex naturally becomes much more passionate.

Visit a Sex Store:

You’re probably seeing this idea and immediately labeling this list as totally vanilla right?  Not so fast.  Going to a sex store, whether online or in person, can bring a whole new element into your bedroom.  My suggestion would be to buy a toy you are the most shocked by.  This is a good rule of thumb because it is an immediate way to open your mind.  Whether it be a large dildo, or something you had no idea they made.   Buy it.  Bring it into the bedroom and spice things up instantly.

Invite another person into your bedroom:

Threesomes, foursomes, and moresomes. This will spice up your bedroom like nothing else.  This idea is extremely kinky and we’ve always been open to the idea of hiring a professional if it’s legal in your area.  This is a great way to make sure there are no feelings attached, whether it be adding a woman, or finding male companions.  Bringing a third or forth person into your bedroom can bond a couple beyond comprehension.  If your communication is good, adding a third person is a great way to enjoy experiences together.  For us, our threesomes have only bonded us way beyond the vanilla years of our marriage.  

Buy A Sex Doll:

This is a bit of an investment and can be costly, but if the above idea of having a threesome is too much, adding a sex doll can nearly be the same.  Whether it be a female doll or a male doll (and maybe a transgender doll so both of you can enjoy the fantasy).  For us, this was the best way to test out how double penetration felt and how it felt to attempt to put two dicks into one vagina.  From the stretching, to the fantasy, to pretending this is an actual third person in the room, it is as close as it gets to breaking all the monogamous norms, yet staying totally monogamous.  Open your mind and do not view sex dolls as some perversion, but instead a tool where you can both enjoy a different body in the room without worrying about the emotional attachments, the insecurities of another actual person, and the various other issues that arise when you experiment with threesomes.

Try A Milking Table or Glory Hole:

As some of you may know, we have published an article on how to make your own milking table.  Whether it be a milking table or a glory hole, letting your partner enjoy random genitals and please them could really spice up your relationship.  Whether the man decides to watch, join in (if he is bi), or stand on the other side and enjoy the receiving as well.  A glory hole and milking table keeps you totally detached from the person on the other side, but you can still enjoy the thrills of touching a different body. You can also role play and blindfold your woman, use “spacers” to make your penis different sizes, and let your partner enjoy a glory hole, without actually adding another man.

Get a piercing together:

You’d be surprised how much a piercing can spice up your sex life. Most piercings also enhance sensations.  Do some research on various piercings and what they can change as far as how it can make sex better.  Mentally, her seeing her husband’s penis pierced can be a huge turn on.  And him seeing his wife’s nipples pierced can drive him wild. 

Get a Tattoo together:

Like I said, this list is about extreme ideas to spice up your sex life.  And if you want your lover to suck  your dick or eat you out like your body is theirs, put a tattoo on it.  For us, having a tattoo on Ryan’s penis with my name on it was the hottest thing I have ever seen.  To give me his prized position in that fashion, how can I not suck it with enthusiasm? Do you really think I would suck on his dick and not make love to it when it literally has my name on it?  That’s like Andy not taking care of his Woody in Toy Story, with his name on the bottom of his boot.  This has also helped with us having threesomes with other women.  When I watch women suck his dick or fuck him, it really is my dick,  just as much as his.  Because my name is on it.  And it turns me on like crazy.

Make Videos and Share Them On Social Media:

This is another form of exhibitionism and it can really spice things up.  Whether it be an adult content, a social media account, or even a sex blog, these types of things can really spice up your bedroom.  Having good sex just for yourself is one thing, but having good sex because a million eyes are watching you is a whole different sex life. We always say to each other, let’s fuck like the camera is on us.  Because that attitude leads to our best sex. You will also notice all your inboxes fill up with compliments or people wanting to join in.

Extreme Sexual ideas:

Ryan and I call the extreme things we do ascending. When we do things that we know most couples would never even think of trying, this is our relationship ascending. We have written various blogs on the extreme things we have tried, and at this point, I do not believe there is anything two people can do with each other that we haven’t tried.  From making semen ice cubes, to eating full meals off each others crotches, to bathing in my menstrual cycle, extreme sexual connections can obviously spice up your sex life.  Keep an open mind.

There are so many extreme ideas that can bond two people together.  If your sex life is to the point where you are ready to ascend to the next level, these are just a few extreme ideas that can spice up your sex life.  However, please be aware that you must have great communication within youmr relationship before you decide to do anything this extreme.  Please talk it through thoroughly with your partner and make sure you are on the same page.  We have been answering questions online for 20 years with different couples and almost 90% of the time our answer is always, “communicate.”   No matter if it be jealousy after a threesome, or buying large dildos.  It really comes down to talking things out with your partner prior to trying anything that is new to you both.  This is crucial.   Otherwise, enjoy our list! Nothing on this list we haven’t tried ourselves, so we are not pulling these out of thin air here.  Each extreme idea has definitely spiced things up in our sex life.


Dirty Talk: Husband Has Sex With A Man In My Backseat While I Drive

Dirty Talk:  Husband Has Sex With A Man In My Backseat While I Drive

The Dirty Talk Intro & Disclaimer:  Everything in the story below about my husband having sex with a man is random and created on the spot while massaging and giving a handjob to him.  No filters, no rules, no boundaries; just a story and situation created to help my husband orgasm and enjoy our experience together.  We do this for intimacy and find handjobs less destructive on our bodies than having sex daily (our bodies just can’t handle penetrative sex each day).   All dirty talk is usually pure fantasy.  I use this dirty talk as a form of mental porn for my husband while he is in a vulnerable state due to being touched and massaged.  Sexual intimacy can also help reduce feelings of anxiety and depression as it triggers the release of three mood-boosting chemicals — dopamine, endorphins and oxytocin.  I usually also get really wet because my own naughty thoughts push my own personal boundaries and really turn me on.  This is why it’s so fun.  Unlike giving a blowjob or going through the theatrics of sex, you both connect thoughts together and create sexual stories in the heat of the moment.  He trusts me and we both love this natural vulnerability.  I can almost get inside his head and control his fantasies, dirty thoughts, and talk him into an orgasm in the exact moment my story hits it’s climax.  During my stories he will ask me questions while I talk.  I will include these to the best of my memory.  In fact, every story is to the best of my memory, as I do not know remember all the exact details.   


Dirty Talk: Husband Has Sex With A Man In My Backseat While I Drive

Sometimes when I massage my husband and talk dirty to him I like to press his limits and force him to be open to every idea.  And when I say every idea, I mean every idea.  My husband knows I love gay porn, it’s something I have always been very open about with everyone.  Not just him, just in general.  If we are hanging out with other adults, in good company, maybe sipping a bit.  If the topic of porn comes up, I usually mention that I prefer gay or lesbian porn.  It’s also a pretty safe answer.  Because if I said, “I like seeing women get banged and bukkake’d by 7 guys,” that wouldn’t be very lady like.  And no matter how I come off in these blog postings, in person, I try to always be a lady.  I was raised in a conservative Asian family and naturally I don’t open up unless I am with those I feel close with.  Which isn’t many people.

However, my husband gets the naughtiest version of me.  And tonight I want watch him orgasm to the possibility of a gay experience.  


My Husband Has Sex With A Man

How about we make a date with a guy and I drive you to see him?
My husband is still soft, but his dick rushes with blood knowing I am going to take him down a forbidden path.
what do you mean?
I mean, how would you feel if I drove you around and listened to a guy suck your dick in the backseat?
would that turn you on?
His dick is already hard, so I already know it turns him on.
Yes, that would really turn me on.  I would watch in the rear-view mirror and roll around town until I knew you finished.   
tell me about it…
First we would pick up the guy together and he would know in advance that I am your wife and I want to listen to you get your dick sucked.   He gets in the car, nervous, and I don’t say a word.  He closes the door and I start riding around town, with no real direction.   
do you want me to talk or just pull
 my dick out?

I want you to immediately just pull your dick out and push his head down towards it.  I don’t want to hear you talk to him.  I just want to hear his mouth sliding up and down your dick.  I want to look in the rear-view and see his head in your lap.  I want to hear you moan as your dick grows.
you want me to talk to you so you know what’s going on?
Yes, please.  Talk to me so I can listen in detail.  I want to hear how deep he is taking your dick.  If his mouth feels warm, tell me so I can hear what you are feeling. 
I will…
I want you to tell him to take off his clothes so I can see his body.  I want to see his dick grow.  I want to see how hard he gets when he is sucking your dick and being held in your lap.
do you want me to grab his dick and stroke him while he sucks me?
Yeah, I want to see you stroke him.  I want to see you rubbing his balls and touching his body while he tries to get you to cum in his mouth.   Make him lay his body flat and spread his legs, while you arch your body up and fuck his face. 
would it make you horny?
I’d be so fucking horny knowing you were in the backseat getting your dick sucked by another man.  
you’d want to see me fuck him too?
My husband is now rubbing both of his nipples and moving his hips into my hands, like he is using my palms as another man’s mouth.
Yes.  But I don’t want to see you get fucked.  I just want to hear him get fucked and take all of your dick.  I don’t want you to be gentle.  Don’t go slow.  I want you to be rough and really shove your entire dick inside him in one deep motion.  I want to hear him yell and tell you take it easy.  I want you to make him whine and cry while I listen.
where would you want me to cum?
Inside him.  I want you to fuck him raw and cum inside his ass.
would it make you jealous?
No, it would make me wet.  I would love to see you breed another man and put your cum inside his body. Make him yours. I’d turn around and watch your ass moving up and down on top of his body.  I’d watch your balls slapping against him while you pound his little hole. 
be careful, you’re going to be driving…
So cute, he is on the edge of an orgasm and he is so caught up in the visualization that he is worried about his safety!  No condom? No big deal!  Strange man sucking his dick?  No big deal!  Worried I am not watching the road and speeding?  Big deal!  LOL,  I love this man.
I’d have a hard time driving because everything inside me would want to stop the car and just watch everything that is going on, especially your balls twitching while you cum inside him.  I’d want to see you pull out and all of your cum gushes out of his hole.  That would turn me on so much…
let me cum on myself…
Before he could say more, my husband grabbed his dick out of my hand and stroked his cum all over himself.  Something about my gay stories makes him want to shoot cum everywhere.  His sperm launches up to his chest and shoulder. 
When he is done, his body drops back into my lap and I can feel the sweat on his ass on top of my legs.  I slowly go down on him and lick his cum off his hairy stomach and crotch.  No matter where he finishes, I always clean his body.   husband has sex with man

For other couples, it’s totally okay to dive into things you may never want to really experience, with your minds.  We read this a lot on relationship forums.  Sometimes it creates mixed signals, sometimes it creates insecurities.  So talk to your partner, let them know a fantasy is just a fantasy, and assure them it will never go beyond that.  It can be fun, kinky, and let you explore ideas you never thought you’d talk about with anyone else.  You’ll be surprised what an open mind and dialogue can lead to. 

Cuddle Positions – Binky

cuddlingAlthough the illustration looks like an actual blowjob, you can sleep this way as well.  We call this position the “binky” because a woman can put her man’s penis in her mouth like a pacifier and relax and fall asleep.  The man can also rub her back, touch her ass, and hold her head gently to make her feel comfortable.  This is a great position to relax.  We’ve also used this position to sit on our phones and browse social media together.  

Pros & Cons
+ The man enjoys this position because he can fall asleep with his flaccid penis in his woman’s mouth.
+ Most women love their backs massaged and rubbed.  This is a great position to rub and massage her back.
+ You can use your hands to browse social media.

If your woman grinds her teeth while she sleeps, be careful! 


Why is Cuddling so important?

When you cuddle with someone you care about, your body releases a hormone called oxytocin that calms you and makes you more likely to deal better with stress.  Cuddling also has a large connection with being nurtured.   It has been shown through research that cuddling helps an infant develop an attachment to his/her parent.  This is instinctual and as you grow older, adults can cuddle to form this same attachment.  Cuddling has also been shown to boost an infant’s oxygen levels, calm its breathing, and ease pain signals. And for an underweight baby, it raises survival chances by more than a third. It helps the brain grow and makes infection and other illnesses, like hypoglycemia or hypothermia, less likely.   This is why we love to cuddle.   

Benefits to our bodies from cuddling

  • Ease Stress
    • When you cuddle with someone you care about, your body releases a hormone called oxytocin that calms you and makes you more likely to deal better with stress. 
  • Helps Your Heart
    • It’s good for your heart.  Cuddling lowers blood pressure. Scientists say it’s clearer that women get this benefit from cuddling, but it seems to be true for both sexes.
  • Relieves Pain
    • A good cuddle may give you more than just moral support after an injury. The oxytocin cuddling releases can help block pain signals. 
  • Fight Colds
    • Too much stress effects the immune system.  Hugs from people you trust may protect you against this common virus, especially if you’re under a lot of stress. And if you’re already sick, more cuddling might keep your symptoms from getting worse.
  • Connects You to Your Partner
    • Oxytocin is sometimes called the love hormone.  Whether having sex, cuddling, touching, dancing, or holding hands, your body is releasing oxytocin.  Couples who cuddle and kiss freely tend to be happier, healthier, and less stressed.
  • Helps You Sleep
    • Oxytocin is the key ingredient again. Because of oxytocin calming effects, it relaxes you and helps you sleep.

Benefits to cuddling your partner

  • Cuddling improves satisfaction in relationships. 
    • In an experimental study, increased cuddling for married couples resulted in statistically higher relationship satisfaction. This finding was particularly notable as the couples who increased their cuddling behaviors were compared to couples who increased time spent together over mealtimes and those who did not change their behavior.
  • Cuddling helps maintain focus on your partner. 
    • In the same study, with increased cuddling, the focus is honed in on our romantic partner as opposed to thinking “what else is out there?”
  • Cuddling releases oxytocin and promotes positive emotions. 
    • Affectionate touch behaviors release oxytocin.  Oxytocin is a natural love hormone that helps us feel closer to our partners. When we cuddle, we feel a surge of positive emotions such as love, adoration, and trust. While cuddling typically occurs around sexual activity, it is perceived to be a nurturing type of behavior rather than a sexual one.
  • Cuddling after sex benefits your relationship. 
    • In a longitudinal study, the duration and quality of post-sex affection including cuddling are related to greater subsequent reports of relationship and sexual satisfaction.  Couples can use this time to be close to each other physically and emotionally, sharing their thoughts and feelings, or not saying anything at all.

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Q&A: I had a threesome with my boyfriend and his friend and now he’s devastated that I enjoyed myself.

Q&A: I had a threesome with my boyfriend and his friend and now he’s devastated that I enjoyed myself.

I am 24 and my boyfriend is 25.  We have been together for 3 years. We have explored plenty in our sex life, including FMF threesomes which were fun. In the past I was really curious about giving MFM a try but he wasn’t comfortable with that so we didn’t discuss it further.

A few months ago he asked me if I’d be interested in a 3some with his longtime friend. For some context, they always had this weird competitive/friendly rivalry thing going on. My boyfriend straight up admitted that he wanted to prove to his friend that he fucks better. I thought that was a questionable reason to agree to a 3some but he REALLY wanted to do this. He’s the most confident guy I know and I genuinely thought he knew what he was doing.

Fast forward to the 3some. It was by far the best sexual experience I’ve ever had. I was pretty much spoiled from start to finish and my boyfriend was clearly enjoying it too. His friend is physically attractive so that definitely added to the sexual chemistry. At one point he also ate me out and I came a lot (I’ve never orgasmed from receiving oral, I don’t think I ever would). I found the dirty talk super hot as well (he was dominant despite the submissive act) and it turned me on a lot.

At no point were discussed boundaries ever crossed.

The following day my boyfriend seemed to be in complete shock. He didn’t talk to me much and when he did, he made no eye contact whatsoever. Afterwards he became withdrawn and depressed. Like he would stay in bed all day and just stare at the wall or something. Every time I saw him he was literally doing nothing, which is completely out of character.

It’s gotten to the point friends and family asked me what happened to him!

A few days ago I asked him what’s wrong. At first he didn’t want to talk about it but then he confessed that he can’t get over our threesome. He refused to elaborate and just asked me odd questions. If I like his friend, if I think his friend is better in bed etc. I kept saying no to his ridiculous questions but he wasn’t satisfied. He even asked me if I still like him/want to be with him which was just odd.

He’s still morose and I’m worried that this whole thing had a serious impact on our relationship.

So what do I even do in this situation? I don’t understand why he’s so upset when he’s the one who suggested the idea in the first place. Can anyone help explain his thought process?!

Venice’s response to threesome with boyfriends friend

Having threesomes prior to marriage has never been something I supported.   I have always been a strong advocate of opening the door to other people when you are in a committed relationship and you have tried everything under the sun with just the two of you together.  However, some couples may decide to never get married, so I will add that 3 years just isn’t enough time.   There is just too much you can do with one another before adding another person into the mix.  

Let’s move on to the scenario you presented.  It was stupid.  To have a threesome with a guy your boyfriend is competitive with makes no sense at all.   In fact, I’d even suggest that this story sounds totally fabricated.  I say that because a competitive guy isn’t going to allow the friend he is most competitive with to sleep with his girlfriend.  It makes no sense.  The entire idea of being competitive is to have something or do something his friend can’t do.   Unless he was totally over your relationship and this was his exit plan.  I just have a hard time understanding why a competitive guy would want to have a threesome with his friend he is the most competitive with, to show he has sex better.   In the meantime, he is allowing his friend to have his most prized possession?   

Not likely.

If the story is true, stupid on you, stupid on him, and stupid on the friend.  Having threesomes to see who fucks better has to be the silliest shit I have ever heard.  That’s something you do with a hooker, not your girlfriend.

Ryan’s response to threesome with boyfriends friend

So you had a threesome to help your boyfriend prove that he was better at sex than his friend?  And in the process you enjoyed his friend so much that you had a first-time orgasm through oral sex with the friend?    

This is the classic, “be careful of what you wish for” scenario.   Most of the time these scenarios are created as a way to get attention or create some sort of lesson for guys that want a threesome.  Imagine allowing your friend to fuck  your girlfriend so you can show him who fucks better.  Dumb and dumber.